bridesmaid dilemma

TiffanyFabien

I have 7 bridesmaids and 6 days before my wedding. My bridesmaids suprised me and took me to Madrid for my bachlorette party. It was GREAT, however, two of the bridesmaids got into a screaming match and ended up going back to the hotel early leaving me to party it up with the other girls. We are also having a flashmob and those same 2 girls have texted me at the last minute to tell me that they can't come. It has been excuses like, "it's too far away from my flat, it's raining and I don't feel like leaving the flat..." I reserved a hotel for me and all my bridesmaids this Friday, as like a last sleepover before the wedding and those same 2 girls have told me that they aren't coming- again for dumb reasons. I have spoken to them in person and I don't think they are trying to be malicious, I think they just don't get it. I feel like I made the wrong decision in asking them to be bridesmaids since they don't really have my back in anything, but with it being so close to the wedding, what can I do to show them that it really hurts my feelings- in a non-mean way? 

egeurts

At this point they're just being catty- not necessarily with you, but with each other. Since it's so close to the wedding, I don't think there's anything you can do about it other than tell them to suck it up, show up, and do their thing the way they promised to. It's your turn to be the stern one (not necessarily mean, but firm) and say, "Hey, it's my wedding, I don't give a crap about what happened between you two, but if you don't do this for me, it hurts me, it hurts my wedding, and this is what you said you'd do when you agreed to be a bridesmaid. So do it. And afterwards, you're free of obligations." And after that, you, as the bride, are free of any obligations that you have towards them, other than any feelings you have towards them as a friend. Those might take awhile to heal, but for now, your priority is to get your wedding to run smoothly, and the only way to do that is to get these people to shape up. 

Good luck!! (and congrats! We're date twins! YAY!) 

SoSaysTara

Really, though, I think you might be better off determining what's more important.. that your friends are comfortable and happy, or that every single girl makes every event.  I know it sucks that they are not putting you first, but the thing is.. they really don't have to.  As long as they are still planning to show up to the wedding in the dress you specified, that's really all they have to do.  Making a fuss about them not doing all the extras will put a stress and strain on your friendship.  Personally, I think my friendships are more important than making sure that all of my bridesmaids show up to each event.

I am also doing a sleepover with the bridesmaids the night before, but not all of my girls opted in, because they had better things to do or would be more comfortable staying in their own room or with their men.. that's fine for them.  I'll enjoy the time I have with the girls who want to be there and not sweat the small stuff.

Remember, you asked these girls to be in your wedding party because of your individual friendships with one another, not because each of them were besties together or because they do whatever you tell them to do. 

L&J2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridesmaid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:52c5986e-8120-467f-b4c5-24c10852d0e9Post:4e5fcb0a-e416-4596-9eda-411f6057f39a">Re: bridesmaid dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]Really, though, I think you might be better off determining what's more important.. that your friends are comfortable and happy, or that every single girl makes every event.  I know it sucks that they are not putting you first, but the thing is.. they really don't have to.  As long as they are still planning to show up to the wedding in the dress you specified, that's really all they have to do.  Making a fuss about them not doing all the extras will put a stress and strain on your friendship.  Personally, I think my friendships are more important than making sure that all of my bridesmaids show up to each event. I am also doing a sleepover with the bridesmaids the night before, but not all of my girls opted in, because they had better things to do or would be more comfortable staying in their own room or with their men.. that's fine for them.  I'll enjoy the time I have with the girls who want to be there and not sweat the small stuff. Remember, you asked these girls to be in your wedding party because of your individual friendships with one another, not because each of them were besties together or because they do whatever you tell them to do.  :)
Posted by SoSaysTara[/QUOTE]

This.

TiffanyFabien

I should have clarified that those 2 girls actually made up during the madrid weekend and are now fine with each other. I understand that everyone has lives and problems of their own- but I feel that they should've at least had the decency to approach me, as their friend, directly when they know they won't be present for something, rather than texting me 5 mins before they are supposed to be there.

Looks like we all pretty much have the same wedding date!! :) Hope the weather holds out!:)

kelsey+brandon

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridesmaid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:52c5986e-8120-467f-b4c5-24c10852d0e9Post:4e5fcb0a-e416-4596-9eda-411f6057f39a">Re: bridesmaid dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]Really, though, I think you might be better off determining what's more important.. that your friends are comfortable and happy, or that every single girl makes every event.  I know it sucks that they are not putting you first, but the thing is.. they really don't have to.  As long as they are still planning to show up to the wedding in the dress you specified, that's really all they have to do.  Making a fuss about them not doing all the extras will put a stress and strain on your friendship.  Personally, I think my friendships are more important than making sure that all of my bridesmaids show up to each event. I am also doing a sleepover with the bridesmaids the night before, but not all of my girls opted in, because they had better things to do or would be more comfortable staying in their own room or with their men.. that's fine for them.  I'll enjoy the time I have with the girls who want to be there and not sweat the small stuff. Remember, you asked these girls to be in your wedding party because of your individual friendships with one another, not because each of them were besties together or because they do whatever you tell them to do.  :)
Posted by SoSaysTara[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree with Tara. One of my bridesmaids can't make it to my bridal luncheon on Friday because her flight doesn't get in on time and 3 of my bridesmaids couldn't make it to my bachelorette party. People have lives outside of the wedding they're in. I think it'll help your friendship in the long run if you don't have such high expectations for something that's really only 1 day.

</div>

chelseakopperud

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridesmaid-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:52c5986e-8120-467f-b4c5-24c10852d0e9Post:4e5fcb0a-e416-4596-9eda-411f6057f39a">Re: bridesmaid dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]Really, though, I think you might be better off determining what's more important.. that your friends are comfortable and happy, or that every single girl makes every event.  I know it sucks that they are not putting you first, but the thing is.. they really don't have to.  As long as they are still planning to show up to the wedding in the dress you specified, that's really all they have to do.  Making a fuss about them not doing all the extras will put a stress and strain on your friendship.  Personally, I think my friendships are more important than making sure that all of my bridesmaids show up to each event. I am also doing a sleepover with the bridesmaids the night before, but not all of my girls opted in, because they had better things to do or would be more comfortable staying in their own room or with their men.. that's fine for them.  I'll enjoy the time I have with the girls who want to be there and not sweat the small stuff. Remember, you asked these girls to be in your wedding party because of your individual friendships with one another, not because each of them were besties together or because they do whatever you tell them to do.  :)
Posted by SoSaysTara[/QUOTE]


yep- this.

TiffanyFabien

Thanks for the advice, ladies! Sometimes it's just better to have an outsiders opinion:)