Engagement called off.

squarepeg72

So sorry Shannon. We are here (and on Facebook) anytime you need us. Hugs and prayers

franklissa

Hugs Shannon. So sorry to hear this. Your in my thoughts.

chelseamb11

I am so so so sorry to hear that! *hugs* As tough as that decision was, I'm proud of you for making the right decision for you NOW rather than after the wedding.  As the others said, feel free to still pop in here, we'd love to hear how you're doing!

Cassandra999

Sooo sorry to hear this.  I have been where you are and it will get better.   We will always be here (& FB) if you want to talk.

Jean6912

I am so sad to read this tonight, I hope this decision brings you peace. You will be missed, hugs and good luck

amyl9

Shannon, *hugs*. I'm so sorry for whatever it is you're going through. Stay strong and stay well...and let us know if you need anything. Personally, I'm always around for a "cyber" listening ear. *Hugs again*

Shanee18

Thank you all so much.  Since I think a lot of people are wondering as it seems like it came out of nowhere, here is the long and the short of it.

I have a Master's, former Fi (UGGGH) had a HS diploma.  I fell in love with him not knowing the whole picture of his life.  He struggled maintaining jobs and was not financially stable at all...but I loved him so I made the decision to stick with him and support him and encourage him to do better.  It was always embarassing when he was in between jobs (there were probably about 15 in a span of 4 years.)  He began a new job with good potential in July.  I found out shortly after that he was calling out of work because he was "sick"...hmm maybe this is why his jobs never last.  I told him then that if he lost this job, it would be over between us.  I needed him to prove he could maintain a position and help to provide a future for us and a future family.  We still struggled with finances (his), but I tried to ignore it.  Low and behold, he was let go from his position on Friday.

It kills me to go through this and I feel as though I am abandoning someone who needs me so much, but at the same time I feel like the past 4 years I have been trying to keep his head above water and my arms and legs are tired and I can no longer do it.  I want a partner in life, not someone I have to constantly pick up when they fall down.

I really will miss you all.  I still love most parts of him, but I can't continue to support his negative life choices and behaviors.  I feel like I am "tainted" now.  Ugh.  Just another statistic.  But I agree that I am better off getting out now, then getting married only for it to remain the same.  

Holy novel.  Sorry ladies.  Miss you all already...and I might pop in some time in the future..it is going to be hard to get rid of my TK addiction...

MIZCNEL

I'm so sorry to hear this I wish you both the best in life in whatever you do. Stick around I'm sure there will be other topics you can help out with. Prayers go out to you sweetie.  

amyl9

Girl, I hardly think you are "tainted" but I understand why you would feel that way. I applaud you, actually. It sounds like you are making an incredibly tough, though very SMART decision. Props to you for standing up for yourself like that. You have more courage than most women/girls I know (maybe including myself). Hang in there chica. It will get better. Prayers and hugs for you.

goodine11

You are in my prayers

Carebear62584

Not to stand up for him because obviously I don't know him.  Was he let go for reasons that had anything to do with him?  You said he started in July and started calling out sick shortly after that.  That was quite a while ago so maybe the company was just letting go of people because that's what they seem to be doing these days?

I do know how you feel though....my boyfriend throughout college was the same way.  He didn't own a cell phone, a car, or have a job.  He would somehow have money to go to the bar, play cards, or do whatever......except when it came to me.  I actually made him work overnight with me at my retail job because they allowed outsiders.  If I didn't I wouldn't have gotten a Christmas present (not the point of the present, but that he wasn't trying to do anything to make me happy).  I finally had had enough when my Christmas break of senior year rolled around.  I think I spent about 5 nights of the whole 5 week break sleeping by myself in my own bed.  And to top it all off, he would be sleeping til 3pm at my parents' house while I was working.  To this day, he still owes me $300 for the money I lent him but I have no desire to see him to get it back 6 years later. It's tough when you are supporting both people. 

doeie04

You are not tainted or a statistic!!!!!!!! You are wise. I don't blame you or making this decision. IT WAS VERY MATURE OF YOU and was not easy. I hate changing my mind on silly stuff. You made a huge decision that took alot of guts! You are a very strong woman.

littleluckypenny

So sorry for what you're going through!  I know it hurts now, as decisions like these are never easy and pain-free; I commend your bravery in making such a difficult decision.  You went in with your eyes open and tried to make it work. I'm sorry it didn't, but at least your decision came before it became even more complicated (marriage).

Best of luck to you and in your future happiness.

Shanee18

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_engagement-called-off-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:55742e72-49aa-48bc-92aa-498823b2c0bfPost:08f05d4d-5c3b-454d-a10e-183927f57a40">Re: Engagement called off.</a>:
[QUOTE]Not to stand up for him because obviously I don't know him.  Was he let go for reasons that had anything to do with him?  You said he started in July and started calling out sick shortly after that.  That was quite a while ago so maybe the company was just letting go of people because that's what they seem to be doing these days? 
Posted by Carebear62584[/QUOTE]

<div>Maybe it was legitimate and maybe not.  But he had been laid off or fired from all of his previous jobs so it seemed to be more of a trend than the result of a bad economy.  And although that upset me greatly, I was floored that he spend yesterday getting drunk and spending $200.  I guess if he had truly wanted things to work out, he would have put in more effort in that area of his life instead of making matters worse for himself.</div>

Carebear62584

Gotcha.....as I said I can totally understand how that feels.  I wish you the best and it seems like you did what you needed to do. 

doeie04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_engagement-called-off-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:55742e72-49aa-48bc-92aa-498823b2c0bfPost:be5cb77a-69d8-49dc-b5e9-281df6b32e0f">Re: Engagement called off.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement called off. : Maybe it was legitimate and maybe not.  But he had been laid off or fired from all of his previous jobs so it seemed to be more of a trend than the result of a bad economy.  And although that upset me greatly, I was floored that he spend yesterday getting drunk and spending $200.  I guess if he had truly wanted things to work out, he would have put in more effort in that area of his life instead of making matters worse for himself.
Posted by Shanee18[/QUOTE]

It sounds like he has different priorities in life and he isn't ready to grow up yet. I think you made the right decision, from what you have told us. I would like to think I would have done the same thing. (Easier said than done though.)

SheilaDancer43

I'm really sorry! I agree with PPs, you are a very strong, and courageous woman! I commend you for making such a tough decision. Kudos especially to sticking with your decision to leave him, after you said you would if he ended up getting fired. That's so tough! I hope things get better for you soon!

sweetcanadian1979

I can see why you felt you had to do what you had to do. My fiance supports me but i do pay the household bills. I have only had a period of a month or 2 with no income when looking for a job after college, you have to try, when you are not trying there is no point.
 
There was another knottie who put her engagement on hold for the same reason. You need stability, without it you can't count on a future or be able to bring children into it. Good luck, i am sure you did not do it "just because". Like you said, if he was serious he would not have been out blowing money when he had no more coming  in.

sleblanc72

I am so sorry Shannon but I'm glad you made what seems like the right decision for you.  Feel free to come around and talk or vent with us any time. *hugs*

L&J2012

I am so sorry to hear this, but it sounds like you made the right decision. You are completely right in that you need someone who has a stable and steady income who can help support a family. It doesn't sound like he's grown up yet and his behavior after you called this off enforces that. You are definitely not tainted and a statistic! You had the courage to realize that you'd be miserable if you married him and called it off before it was too late. It will be hard at first, but surround yourself with friends and family and you'll get through this. You'll find someone who is mature and who you'll be happy with when it's the right time

sweet_melissa81

Sorry to hear, but I also think you're making a good decision. It's better to realize it now then 5,10, or even 20 years down the road when there might possibly be children in the picture. Best of luck!

Is your family supporting you?

DrPB2b13

Shannon, you absolutely did the right thing for you.  This does not make you "tainted" or a "statistic," it makes you a human being who had to take action to ensure not only her happiness, but her security in the future.

Take comfort in knowing you've done the right thing, and that you held up to your word.  You know you have us here if you need any more support!

CvilleClaire

Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. BUT,I think you are a smart, courageous woman to move away from an unstable partner.

julbgordo

Shannon, I just want to let you know after reading through your reasons for ending it that I know you made the right decision.  My aunt and uncle have been married for over 20 years now and I don't know how.  It's always been the same situation with him not being able to hold a job and them just scrapping by to make ends meat.  I know my aunt has been unhappy for a long time and I'm glad you won't experience this in your life.

You're not tainted or a statistic.  You're an intelligent woman making an intelligent decision and you're better off for it.

motogrl13

I am very sorry to hear this news.  But like others have said, if you feel like it's the right thing to do, then now is the better time to do it.  You are in my thoughts.  Please let us know if you need anything.

motogrl13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_engagement-called-off-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:55742e72-49aa-48bc-92aa-498823b2c0bfPost:32500d1c-c92d-49e8-a126-2fdbc247401d">Re: Engagement called off.</a>:
[QUOTE]Shannon, you absolutely did the right thing for you.  This does not make you "tainted" or a "statistic," it makes you a human being who had to take action to ensure not only her happiness, but her security in the future. Take comfort in knowing you've done the right thing, and that you held up to your word.  You know you have us here if you need any more support!
Posted by DrPB2b13[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This.

</div>

kaitlyn142

Honestly, good for you for getting out of that mess. I know *exactly* where you are. I had to call off my first engagement because of very similar issues (could't be bothered to show up for work or classes, needed money for gas but had plenty of money for the bar).

Don't look at it as abandoning him when he needs you. It's more you forcing him to grow up and handle his life or not. I was always rushing in to fix my ex's problems. When I wasn't there anymore, he finally got himself some therapy. If your ex doesn't... well, you've got to take care of yourself first.

Someday you will find a guy who matches your life much better.

melntaitt

So proud of you that you decided to deal with it now, than later on in The Nest TIP board; you're such an amazing person and I'm sorry I didn't get to know you better.

If this is truly something you know you cannot live with then kudos to you for dealing with it.

Best of luck to you and I truly hope you find happiness!

MMRoberts11

Shannon, you are definitley not tainted or just another statistic.  You are very intelligent.  Many people, though unhappy about it, would continue to go through with the wedding and start married life unhappy and then either divorce later on or stay unhappy together because of their family.  Helping to support someone else is definitely not easy but you can only do so much to help.  You have helped him more than most, it seems, and he didn't appear to do the same.

Shanee18

Thank you all.  You don't know how much it really helped to hear all of your words.  And for those who have asked, yes my family is very supportive; in fact, I think they always were insecure about our relationship given his circumstances and life choices.  Thank you all, good luck with your weddings, and I will pop in at some point to give you an update!