Here is the situation. As most know by now my mom is in the hospital 2000 miles from where i live. I flew out here to be with her of course, she is now having other complications & her kidneys are not functioning right so she will not be going to the home hospital tomorrow, i am hoping it will be better by tuesday.
Now here is my dilema, with a little bit of a backstory, i will try for it not to be long.
So my "fiance" sometimes can be pretty ignorant, there have been a few major moments since we have been together that he hasn't "been there" (emotionally). Obviously we are all built different, do not have the same values & morals but for the most part the differences i could handle, i have been in quite a few relationships (not all sexual) & met many different people, his quirks were a lot better than i had to deal with in previous relationships. I got treated like crap so the few times he was an a** i thought it was better than everything i had to put up with before, since the rest of the time he was so caring & affectionate.
I lost my job in April due to circumstances beyond my control. Jobs are scarce in my area this year it seems, i can't do jobs where i am on my feet, i even have a doctors note that says so, or any lifting, my back is injured as well as my leg, so i am limited, i apply for every single thing that i see, even if it is not my "dream job" or full time, a lot of other people are applying for these jobs too. In the rejection emails i have gotten there are always at least 20 other people it is sent too, so competition is stiff, i have a 4.25 gpa & a pretty attractive resume but it does not help right now.
My portion has always been the household bills while he paid the insurance for the house, water bill & rent (would be mortgage & taxes now, same as rent was before). Other than a couple weeks when i had to wait for ei i have had income, granted ei is less than what i made by 40% but i have been able to keep up for the most part. Now i am away living out of a hotel having to eat, i haven't had much money, my moms bf has been paying for a lot because he wanted me here, and knew i could not afford much, having me here helps him get the breaks he needs, he is sooooooo worried & stressed.
Tonight i asked my "fiance" if he could pay the hydro bill of $90 & i would pay the other bills so that i had a bit of money from my check to eat instead of having to keep relying on garry, i did not expect to be here this long (10 days already), i thought she would have been more on the mend, i can't leave her while she is doing poorly, especially since i do not have a job right now. I am really missing my son & i was missing geno pretty bad too but my focus HAD to be my mom. She needs me the most right now, she relies heavy on me to help her with a lot of things that she can not do on her own, i even have to wash her up, she does not want anyone else to do it, so i have seen parts i would rather not see but............. it needs to be done.
So when i asked him if he could pay it (he told me people were more important than money, and gave me the go ahead to put my flight on his credit card when i came out here, & sent me a $100 on wednesday) his response was wtf that is your bill, with a smiley face so i thought he was joking, i said ya i know, he said you pay my mortgage (he has no payments till september 19th) he also makes double what i do, always has. I said forget it i just won't eat (some days been only eatting once as it is so that not spending too much) and he came back with if i can't afford it i better cancel the internet & cell phone.
Needless to say it caused a big arguement, thru text mind you,because i am 2000 km away with a very sick mother (who is only 50 so pretty young yet). I am heartbroken, i can't believe he would even pull that (i am leaving a lot out or would be here all night) when my mom is soooooooo sick & doing so poorly. My last comment was this though, i will pay the bills & rely on garry since he will do anything & everything for my mom, i will not ask you for anything else, no support in any way shape or form, your off the hook completely, hope that makes you feel awesome to know you do not have to worry about me at all .His reply was no it doesn't that is not what i wanted, i said obviously it is: you chose money, i chose love. Goodnight.
I don't see how i can get over this, i can't see us moving on from it, so i think it is over, i am sitting in a hotel room bawling, i had to come back early to have some alone time, hoping i can get it out of my system before garry gets back. I know he carries more of a financial burden, but i make his lunches, clean the house by myself since i haven't been working (we used to do it together) have his supper READY when he gets home from work so all he has to do is eat, shower & go to bed, but money is all that matters. I can't do anything about that, i try my hardest to make this as easy as possible, i do not ask for much at all (seriously).
Sorry i can't sum this up, i have no thoughts left.
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