Table arrangements - MIL's opinions

lopezalonso

Hey there,

This entire wedding planning process has been me figuring things out and my MIL helping me AND kind of imposing her opinions. Since we are near the end of the planning, the smaller things are getting on my nerves. 

I am currently working on table arrangements and she said that typically the bride's guests are seated on one side of the room and the groom's guests are seated at the other. I find this weird considering she wanted to share a table with my parents. Is this truly how it's done or can I put tables anywhere?

MMCBRIDE4

I'm not too sure on if this is the norm...however, it is your wedding. Have your guests sit where and with who, you want them to

I sympathize as I was told lately I have been rolling my eyes a lot, lol We are almost there

Danidawn20

Um, I have never heard of that. 

lopezalonso

Oh and she is having bagpipes outside the church as we exit... I HATE bagpipes and I don't feel they are appropriate for our wedding but because FI likes this idea I had no say. I did voice that I hated them... (Well, I said "I really dislike them") but that didn't make a difference. I'm going to be so embarrassed. 

littleluckypenny

Never heard of having groom's guests on one side, bride's on another, besides the seating at the ceremony.  Usually tables are mixed across the room, putting tables with family closer to the married couple, then friend tables after that, or whatever works.

We can't put his guests on one side and mine another because having all white people on one side and all black people on another just looks weird.  And very pre-1964.

Melissa603

I would have her do the seating for the family tables so you don't accidently sit Crazy Aunt Betsy with Weird Uncle Bert. but once she gives you the tables I would put them where you want to. 

abunger

I think the separate bride side/groom side seating is an older tradition...

daria24

Most of the weddings I've been to have had separate sides for the bride & grooms families, but you don't HAVE to do that. Our venue doesn't really divide easily by halves so we aren't doing it. 

I asked for my FMIL's help with the seating chart, she did it, I don't like the way she did it...but that's what I get for asking for her help. So I'm just doing the seating as she suggested so it's one less thing to think about.

rachellola77

The only rule I've heard is to seat family closest to the married couple followed by freinds etc. I thought brides side/grooms side usually happened at the ceremony.

Have her help you put tables together for FI side of the family and than arrange the tables in the room however you want.

kipnus

We are definitely going to mix it up, but have our parents and bridal party closest to our table.

About the bagpipes--there's no need to be embarrassed by it, plenty of weddings feature bagpipes, but I'm surprised that you're allowing it when it's something that you hate. FI and I have made some compromises on food, music, and attire, but always with the understanding that if one of us really hated something, we wouldn't do it. A wedding should be totally enjoyable for both the bride and groom!

lopezalonso

In Response to Re:Table arrangements MIL's opinions:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Table arrangements MIL's opinions: I'm surprised that you're allowing it when it's something that you hate. FI and I have made some compromises on food, music, and attire, but always with the understanding that if one of us really hated something, we wouldn't do it. A wedding should be totally enjoyable for both the bride and groom!Posted by kipnusI have heard of having sides at a reception, however it is not something you MUST do.nbsp;Sometimes it just works out that way. For instance, when FI and I were working on our seating chart, we were trying to keep people together with people they knew. This has quite a bit of his family and family friends that all know one another sitting close together on one side and same for my family and friends. However for those that are not closely tied to any specific group, we just mixed them all up.nbsp;Honestly, I think you need to have a chat with your FI about how you are feeling with things. FMIL should not be rail roading you this is your wedding day, not hers!nbsp;"FMIL name I appreciate your opinion and the active roll you have taken in helping us with the planning of the wedding. You have really contributed some wonderful ideas! However, we have decided not to have the bagpipes outside the ceremony it is simply not the musical ambiance I always dreamed of for my wedding day and I am so fortunate that FI understands that and has not had his heart set on bagpipes all his life like I have always dreamed of hearing _________. Also with the seating chart, I found your idea about seating our guests according to sides very interesting. However we realized that a lot of people will be seated together that know one another, we are not going to designate sides for each of our family and friends we believe that this is a celebration of our blending our families and friends and the seating should represent such. It will also give people the opportunity to get to know one another better. I really think that this makes sense, I love that you want to sit with my parents too such an amazing support of blending the families! Thank you! :"nbsp; Posted by jaschelle[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately FI does have his heart set on the bagpipes. It's the only request he's made so I'm just going to have to deal. But I LOVE your sample message and I definitely plan to use it for the table arrangement discussion!

melfacto

I have seen it done, FI and I will not though, consider his side is 3x mine, would be an interesting room if we had sides. Kind of reminds me of an awkward dance! We have used in our invitation the whole 'Uniting of the families' on the reception card, so having sides is kind of weird when really this is what we are doing..

Melissa603

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_table-arrangements-mils-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:6dfb173d-8c7d-4467-9478-69eee2b6dfc1Post:cf502122-a1d5-46c5-bf0a-95e85b9d2059">Re: Table arrangements - MIL's opinions</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh and she is having bagpipes outside the church as we exit... I HATE bagpipes and I don't feel they are appropriate for our wedding but because FI likes this idea I had no say. I did voice that I hated them... (Well, I said "I really dislike them") but that didn't make a difference. I'm going to be so embarrassed. 
Posted by lopezalonso[/QUOTE]

<div>Don't get embarassed by a bagpiper! Depending on the culture they are the norm - we are having one and it is one of the things I am most excited for!</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

kristin183

Aww..I really wanted bag pipes but we couldn't afford it. Sorry you are having issues with her. Honestly, I have never heard of that tradition but I know when we started to do our seating chart it just kind of flowed that way because we were seating people with people we knew they would get along with; it just happened to be families, friends and other social groups.

hose85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_table-arrangements-mils-opinions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:6dfb173d-8c7d-4467-9478-69eee2b6dfc1Post:cf4e859f-2f52-45f6-a980-c5616d4e1272">Re: Table arrangements - MIL's opinions</a>:
[QUOTE]Never heard of having groom's guests on one side, bride's on another, besides the seating at the ceremony.  Usually tables are mixed across the room, putting tables with family closer to the married couple, then friend tables after that, or whatever works. We can't put his guests on one side and mine another because having all white people on one side and all black people on another just looks weird.  And very pre-1964.
Posted by littleluckypenny[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This made me laugh! Totally true and people would be so uncomfortable on both sides. 

</div>

kimiandgary

LittleLuckyPenny's post made me chuckle.

We are not doing split sides because we want people to mingle and chat with one another. People will get up and move around after the meal anyway.

I don't think you need to tell your FMIL you aren;t using her separate sides idea, just don't do it. If she brings it up later, say how wonderful the day was and you loved how everyone mingled. You may be SOL on the bagpiper. They can be loud (although I love them) but it sounds like a gift from your FMIL so I think this is one you have to grin and bare.. esp if FI is on board.