Honeymoon Registries

janeash

So I think there are very mixed opinions on this topic generally, but I thought I'd post on here anyways to see what people think of Honeymoon Registries.  The #1 thing FI and I love to do together is travel.  We met while travelling and it is definitely our biggest passion.  

We are having a destination wedding so we can't really afford to do a honeymoon so we were toying with the idea of a honeymoon registry.  We will be flying to Australia in January for FBIL's wedding, and so we really wanted to stop in the Cook Islands for a short honeymoon on the way over.  I know a lot of people think of this as asking people to pay for your "sex vacation" (which really isn't what our honeymoon would be about for us) but we really just don't need anything else.  We bought our first place together 3 years ago and have everything we need/want/can fit in our apartment so we really don't have anything we can put on a conventional registry.  

Thoughts on honeymoon registries??  Or any other ideas for non-conventional registries??

PS: if this has already been discussed on here, please feel free to direct me to the thread!

kelsey+brandon

I DETEST them.

That's all I'm saying. I really don't want to get in a big huge discussion/argument about them.

daria24

I'm not a fan-not because of the "it's like asking for cash" aspect, but because most are deceitful. Most HM registries say things like "couples massage" when really the bride and groom just get a check, minus whatever service fee the company charges. If I were a guest, bought you a $100 dinner and you just got a $95 check, I would have rathered to hear through the grapevine that you were saving up for a trip and given you $100 personally.

Megbo2012

Asking for money in any form is considered rude.  I would never do it.  Are you and FI outdoorsy? I think REI has a registry program.  You can always register for some upgrades if you don't really *need* anything.  Or just don't register for anything and spread the word that the B&G are saving for X. 

Also honeymoon registries take money from your guest's "donation" which is pretty crappy, IMO.

Ash61612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:905a66df-f1ed-48ed-bba5-ee84aea80d17Post:19bb0cc1-98f2-465a-834d-8357e394c063">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]I DETEST them. That's all I'm saying. I really don't want to get in a big huge discussion/argument about them.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

agree 100%. Don't want this to get blown out of proportion but it's rude to ask people for $$ in any form

DrPB2b13

For me, personally, it depends on the TYPE of honeymoon registry.

Various places like "Honeyfund" will TELL your guests that they're purchasing a night's stay, or a massage, or slippers for you, but what they're really doing is forking over cash, which the business gets a cut of, and then you get to spend it on whatever.  I find this tacky.  If my guest wants to give me $100 for my honeymoon, I should not only be receiving $80.  That's absurd, and it's ripping off both the gift-giver and the gift-receiver.

However, some hotels will allow you to set up a "registry" if you have ALREADY booked your honeymoon with them.  I personally do not have as much of a problem with this because there is no "middle-man" to take a cut.  When your guest offers to pay for a night's stay in a room, they really are paying for one night in your room.  They really are paying for a nice dinner, or a massage.  However, this is also risky if you are relying on your guests to fund this, because it means that you have committed to this vacation already and will be footing the bill for anything your guests don't pay for - which could be all of it, if your friends & family are uncomfortable with this idea.

In short, do what you want, but know that some of your guests may be offended by what you are asking, and that certain avenues will only give you a percentage of what they claim you're getting.  While it's rude to ask for money straight-up, it is still possible to let your guests know via word-of-mouth that you have everything you need but would like to save up for your honeymoon, and perhaps a house or your new family afterward.  This is a much kinder and gentler way to say, "Thanks, but we would prefer money" that your guests may interpret however they wish.

Carebear62584

We were going to do one because like you we have a house and have a lot of what we need.  We definitely didn't have enough to register for 200+ people.  We were going to do it through AAA where guests pay towards your balance, not specific activities.  This ended up falling through because of the lack of response from our TA and having to get the shower invitations printed.  We are actually grateful we didn't end up doing it.

Megbo2012

Here's the thread LOL

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_honeyfund_.0

kks4471

To keep it short and simple, I do not need a website to tell me that you want money.  I can write you a check myself, which is what we did for the last wedding we went to.

janeash

The one we were looking at is through Flight Center and they just set up an account for you and people send money to it and then we get a Flight Center gift card in the end....no fees at all.  Every penny our guests donate would put put into the account.

I do agree though that it is still asking for money and that's where my reservations lie.  Funny enough, our Aussie guests are all over the idea....guess it's quite popular over ther...but a lot of my parents more traditional friends from over here might really be offended by it.

Other idea is maybe asking people to donate to a charity in lieu of gifts?  The whole point is that we really don't need/want anything and we don't want our guests wasting their money on stuff that we will probably take back (mostly because we have no space for it!)

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:905a66df-f1ed-48ed-bba5-ee84aea80d17Post:2eab683d-6375-46cf-b1fc-6f8fc939f23e">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]The one we were looking at is through Flight Center and they just set up an account for you and people send money to it and then we get a Flight Center gift card in the end....no fees at all.  Every penny our guests donate would put put into the account. I do agree though that it is still asking for money and that's where my reservations lie.  Funny enough, our Aussie guests are all over the idea....guess it's quite popular over ther...but a lot of my parents more traditional friends from over here might really be offended by it. <strong>Other idea is maybe asking people to donate to a charity in lieu of gifts? </strong> The whole point is that we really don't need/want anything and we don't want our guests wasting their money on stuff that we will probably take back (mostly because we have no space for it!)
Posted by janeash[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I believe this is also considered a faux pas because it is also asking for money, and people might not support that charity. 

</div>

DrPB2b13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:905a66df-f1ed-48ed-bba5-ee84aea80d17Post:2eab683d-6375-46cf-b1fc-6f8fc939f23e">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]The one we were looking at is through Flight Center and they just set up an account for you and people send money to it and then we get a Flight Center gift card in the end....no fees at all.  Every penny our guests donate would put put into the account. I do agree though that it is still asking for money and that's where my reservations lie.  <strong>Funny enough, our Aussie guests are all over the idea....guess it's quite popular over ther...</strong>but a lot of my parents more traditional friends from over here might really be offended by it. Other idea is maybe asking people to donate to a charity in lieu of gifts?  The whole point is that we really don't need/want anything and we don't want our guests wasting their money on stuff that we will probably take back (mostly because we have no space for it!)
Posted by janeash[/QUOTE]

Different cultures (including social circles in the US) have their own preferences and traditions regarding what is right and wrong.  I don't want to tell you DON'T DO ONE, but I strongly suggest you consider what the majority of your guests will and will not find appropriate, and use that to help you make your decision.

You can't dictate what your guests buy for you.  Registries are popular because gift-givers prefer to give something that they know the couple will want and use, but ultimately they are not even remotely required.  Honestly, not setting up a registry at all usually clues people in to the idea that you'd prefer money, even if you don't say so directly - but they still have the option of purchasing an item for you if that's what they prefer to do.

Hilraythebride

For me, I could never do it just because some people in my family haven't been on vacation in 10+ years so I really wouldn't be able to ask them to pay for an extrvagant vacation for me and my FI.  

I think they are not only rude but silly because the company takes a portion of the money that your guests think they are giving to you.  

If I were you I would have a small registry and just spread the word that you do have a small registry but are really hoping to save up for a vacation to here.  That way those wishing to give you a traditional gift may do so while those wanting to contribute to your trip may do so as well without the third party taking some off the top!

HarperBargo

I don't like them either. But regardless like you said there are very mixed opinions on them and I personally wouldn't want to offend any of my guests. 

If travel/honeymoon is that important to you then you need to budget for it. Also to help with the travel budget enroll in loyality programs. That's what FI and I do (we travel a lot as well). If you want some tips just PM me. 

Zimsgirl26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:905a66df-f1ed-48ed-bba5-ee84aea80d17Post:ebeeb5e2-80f2-4919-930c-02de92b5b5a6">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registries : agree 100%. Don't want this to get blown out of proportion but it's rude to ask people for $$ in any form
Posted by Ash61612[/QUOTE]
Agreed

sweetcanadian1979

honestly i would never have one, i do not agree with them but...... has nothing to do with social circles. I just think it is very easy to spread by word of mouth that you want cash (parents, aunts, uncles can pass it on etc) & NOT come off tacky. I would have a small registry (honestly you always have SOMETHING to upgrade) with a couple items for those who may want to purchase gifts but now a days most people give cash. i have never boughten a wedding gift, just shower gifts. 

eltar08

Ok so I am going to hang myself with this one but, just to play devil's advocate.....aside from the fact that fees are taken out of the money guests give you for items in your Honeyfund (which I agree is lame), isn't the only difference between a honeymoon fund and a traditional registry that one is for services and one is for gifts?  I don't think anyone is twisting the guest's arms anymore with a honeymoon registry than they are a typical registry - in fact I have read on some boards that it's deemed inconsiderate to not set up a registry, even a small one though you don't "need" anything, which is bewildering.  The whole rationale is so people know what to get you....why does it matter what you would want people to give you, whether it be a physical gift or donation?  Which, if asking for a donation instead of a gift, we better let all those grieving families out there who request donations in the name of their deceased family member that they are super tacky because they're "asking for money".

Ultimately, as long as the bride and groom aren't throwing a wedding looking to make money or exploit their guests, I don't see why it's so scandalous.  I would think that the guests attending your wedding, if they feel like bestowing you with a gift, would want to get you something you actually want - as long as it isn't blood diamonds or child slaves, who is anyone to judge your choice?  If they're too offended to select something from the honeymoon registry for you, they can elect to give you something else or nothing at all - if you're not expecting to get anything it really shouldn't matter.  I assume you're not going to be screaming from the rooftops unsolicited that you have a registry and you want people to buy you stuff from it.  But if someone asks you where you're registered, I don't think there is anything wrong with being honest and saying you prefer cash or whatever, because obviously people wouldn't ask if they weren't interested in getting you what you actually want.

I am not looking to start drama, I would just like someone to calmly and politely explain to me how this is such a cardinal sin compared to a regular old registry.

Kfudge0714

I think they are great! FI and I at doing one whether your asking people to buy you a gift or asking them to contribute to your honeymoon, You are still asking for money. People read too much into these things, I'd rather contribute to a couples honeymoon then buy them fancy silverware that will be used twice a year!

kelsey+brandon

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:905a66df-f1ed-48ed-bba5-ee84aea80d17Post:17e3eb0a-b283-48d3-b279-548083755d7b">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]Here's the thread LOL <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_honeyfund_.0">http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_honeyfund_.0</a>
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]


Haha exactly the conversation I didn't want to get into again. ;)

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:905a66df-f1ed-48ed-bba5-ee84aea80d17Post:2d9c10f8-3f82-4458-8de9-d56dc5454728">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Honeymoon Registries : Haha exactly the conversation I didn't want to get into again. ;)
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

<div>Haha I knew it, and just couldn't resist posting it. </div>

sweetcanadian1979

Your response is too long eltar so i don't want to quote it but it is still completely tacky. 

If i am going to give someone money i am giving it to them freely to do with as they wish, that is my choice. 

IDC what anyone says, if someone has a honeymoon registry i may give it to them that way because i feel OBLIGATED, they may not say it to your face but most talk behind your back. 

I am using the money from the wedding towards my honeymoon but if they give me gifts they give me gifts, but no way in hell would i put up a honeymoon registry. It is not fair to tell guests they have to pay for your honeymoon (which is essentially what you are saying even if you don't believe so). 

Most people can't afford trips themselves so it can be pretty offensive. You wouldn't dream of asking them to fund your wedding so why would you ask them to fund your vacation?

kristin183

Yeah, we already had this argument on here. I don't really want to get into it either

Honestly,everyone has their own strong opinions on this. I would say it depends on your friends and family and then how you feel about it.

Our honeymoon is already paid for but we registered for excursions.

nicole1672

Wait, Honeyfund takes a portion of the gift?  Is that just for CCD transactions, or cash & checks as well?

kristin183

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_honeymoon-registries?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:905a66df-f1ed-48ed-bba5-ee84aea80d17Post:32301073-d9ab-4788-8b2d-f19e12fbead7">Re: Honeymoon Registries</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait, Honeyfund takes a portion of the gift?  Is that just for CCD transactions, or cash & checks as well?
Posted by nicole1672[/QUOTE]

The only transaction fee is from paypal.

Whtara10

People on here have very strong opinions on this subject. The way I see it is it's your wedding! Do what makes you happy! FI and I are in the same spot. We don't really need anything so we did a honeymoon registry. But we also did a BBB registry for people that would rather buy a gift. We are only putting our BBB registry in the shower invites but the honeymoon one is going in both. In my opinion there are 3 types of people. 1 who will only give money. 1 who wants to give a real gift. And 1 who would be more than happy to contribute to your honeymoon!

janeash

Thanks guys.  I really appreciate your feedback on the subjet....gives me a good idea of how people will react to the real thing, I guess.  In the end we did create a honeymoon registry because we had so much support from our close friends and family for it.  They know us best, and they would all rather get us something we will use.  We have also created a second registry (at The Bay - like Macy's except in Canada!) so if people are offended by our Honeymoon registry, they can move on to the traditional registry - or get us nothing at all!)