what to do about a BM

Danidawn20

Hey ladies( and chris is you're out their),

I need some help on a BM issue. I asked my step sister to be my Bridesmaid in hope to get to know her more. Well, that failed. She hasn't come to anything. (getting the dress, bridal shower, bacherlorete party, or any lunches that I have set up with just her and me)

Monday,we were suppose to meet, so I could give her,  her dress and talk to her about the fact that her dad(my stepdad) will be walking me up the aisle. She bailed again. She told me she has to work for all of these things she missed and then she goes out to bars and post pictures of it on FB, or she goes to visit other family members. (she actually told her dad, she's not working she just justn't want to be make the 2 hr drive to see me, and doesn't want me to make the drive to see her)

To make my issue short- she said she doesn't want her dad to walk ANY one but her up the aisle, and will throw a fit if that happens. I wanted to let her know that my step dad is walking my up the aisle(so she won't be surprised the day of the wedding) The only way I can contact her is through FB and texts and I do not think those are appropriate ways to have this conversation. 

What should I do?

(sorry for the length)

niecie_jeff

Sorry Dani. It sucks you have to deal with this. I would try to call her and see if you can talk to her that way. Maybe she will open up and talk to you

Nshivers

Agree. If every attempt you're making at trying to spend time with her is failing, I would try and talk with her over the phone about it. Maybe send her a fb/text saying "we need to talk"? If all else fails, tell your step- dad the situation maybe he'll help you guys talk about it.

melntaitt

Wow; a little dramatic isn't she? First, I would make sure her dad is ok with this. I would talk to him and make sure he knows both your and her feelings about it. As long as he's on board, you will have some support with this. I would go to her as well if this is an option. When you do talk to her, be firm but not rude. It maybe hard for her to see you in this role with her father if she hasn't experienced it yet. She's being a brat but its a sensitive issue. Finally, I would send her a text message letting her know what you want to talk about without engaging in the full conversation. She will be more compelled to talk to you then... Good luck...

laurabub

At this point it seems that your step Dad should step in and talk to her about it.  I bet she already is assuming that this is what she thinks you want to talk to her about so she is just avoiding you.  She doesn't get to dictate what your step Dad does or does not do.

Danidawn20

I told my step dad about what is going one. He is set with walking me up the aisle. He called her today to talk about the wedding and she kept changing the subject. She also told him she got tickets to the MN twins for him and just her, the game falls on my step-dad's and Mom's wedding anniversary (which is sadly like 2 days after my mom has to have a surgery) and my step dad said he couldn't go because "It is my wedding anniversary and I will be spending it with my wife, who will be recovering from surgery"

My step sister is now refusing to talk to him. 

I really want to tell her to grow up(she is almost 30). UGH. I'm going to wait until she calms down and try talking to her again. If all else fails, she'll just find out the day of the wedding. 

melntaitt

I can't even begin to think of what to say about this. On the one hand, I get that it's a pretty sensitive thing for her because in her eyes it may look like her dad's new family is taking him away from her - not nearly true but it's probably how she feels. On the other hand, she has to expect that her father is a part of your lives now and will participate in these occasions. I say, give her some space.

If she's set on being a brat at the wedding, I would let her know that I see where she's coming from but I will not be tolerating this childishness; it's absurd. If she wants to participate then by all means she's welcome, but if she doesn't want to then I understand and I'm sorry that's the answer. At this point it seems like it would be a blessing if she stepped down and acted as a guest or not show up. See what she wants to do; in any case, if she's using that position in the WP as a means of screwing with your day, fix it before the wedding date...

Danidawn20

Thanks. When she calms down, I will talk to her and see. I too can understand how she feels seeing her dad walk someone else up the aisle. (I'm having my dad and her dad both walk me up) I know that my dad will be walking up my stepsister on his side when she gets married. But it is something that I have come to terms with. My stepdad has been in my life for over 10 years, so it's not like we are taking him away from her. I always gives her the space she needs with her dad. This is just the one give, I would like from her. 

again, I'll just see what she wants when she is clam.