So to begin, I know most of you don't know me, but I lurk here a lot and I don't feel like posting this on any other boards for fear of getting eaten alive by etiquette-mongers. Anyway, I need to vent about my Dad.
Wayyyyyyy back last year when we first started planning the wedding, FI and I decided that we weren't going to invite very extended relatives due to budgetary constraints. We are paying for about 2/3 of the wedding, and my parents are paying for the rest. I recognize that this means that this gives them a say in the guest list. My Dad asked whether or not any of his aunts/uncles/cousins would be invited (my great aunts/uncles, and second cousins- most of whom I don't see and haven't seen since I was a child). I tried gently explaining that I wasn't planning on inviting them. My Grandfather is the eldest of 16 siblings, and to invite one is a situation in which all the others need to be invited. And their children. We simply don't have the space. Not to mention FI's family. My Dad was upset, but seemed to understand.
We proceeded to have the same conversation at Christmas when we sent out STDs. No one that far extended got STDs. I thought we'd dealt with the issue. We already had nearly 200 people, our venue tops out at 200, and we simply cannot afford to host that many (given the budgetary constraints allowed to us BY MY PARENTS) and our venue cannot hold extra people if we were to go out another circle of relatives.
I sent out invites the 1st of May (Wedding is June 30th) None of my great aunts/uncles or second cousins were invited. Last week, I go home and my Dad proceeds to ask if we invited them. Dad, we have had this conversation multiple times. We don't have the space or the money to accomodate these people. He then proceeds to guilt trip me for the rest of the weekend. Then comes my massive Faux Pax. The next day, after reviewing the numbers we had available - taking into account the number of invites we actually sent out and a few of the RSVPs that we'd already gotten back saying no- I told my Dad we could accomodate about 10 more people, so if he REALLLLLLLY wanted to and if it reallllllly meant that much to him, I could probably send out some last minute invites to the aunts and uncles that I actually have seen and talked to in the last couple years (but certainly not all 50 or whatever the huge number is!). He was extremely grateful and we sent out 5 invitations.
Then yesterday he calls me and asks how I came up with the extra room on the guest list. I told him I breached an etiquette rule by sending out late invitations and that I shouldn't have done so and that I accounted for the extra people by finding space in the people that had already said no. (B-listing them). He then asked if we had any more space, What about aunts and uncles A,B,C, and D.... basically EXACTLY WHAT I FEARED... that once we invite 1, the whole family would turn out. No only is this a problem, but a year ago when the whole thing started, FI and I both agreed that we would cut this side, and now that I have allowed a few people from my side to grow, it's unfair to FI that his side is left out, all because of my Dad's guilt-tripping me.
I am upset, angry, and generally feeling manipulated. This whole thing is spiralling out of control. The worst part is that I don't know who to feel madder at- me or my dad. On the one hand, I had multiple conversations with my dad telling him that this can't happen, but on the other hand, I should have stuck to my guns and known better! GRRR.
If you had the patience to read all of this, thanks. If you have any advice as to where to handle it from here, it would be much appreciated.