Sister-zilla

jeberes08

A little background info: My bridal party consists of: my best friend (MOH- who is also the MOH in two other weddings this year) my two sisters, my FSIL (also in two other weddings this year) and my other friend (who is getting married this year and in another wedding this year).  My mom passed away in July so she isn't around to help.

My oldest sister is completely taking over the bridal shower planning, which is fine except that she isn't including ANY of the other bridesmaids in the planning (including me- the bride). She even told them they don't have to help pay for anything and that my sisters and dad will pay for everything.  My FMIL and FSIL are kind of offended since they should be involved in the planning (and paying for the shower etc.).  Secondly, she wants to have the bridal shower at the same place we are having our wedding reception (same food and everything). 

I'm extremely grateful for them even throwing me a shower but I feel that everyone should be involved in the planning, especially since some of the BM's have told me they're offended.  I tried to talk to my sister about involving the other BM's and switching the location, and she got extremely upset and defensive. 

Any suggestions on what to do? 

goodine11

Maybe, you should have a meeting with you bridal party and emphasize that you would like them to plan yor shower collectively.

I would first have a heart to heart with my sister to let her know how I would like things to be ran.Then I will meet with the entire bridal party to make sure everyone is in one accord.

jeberes08

 Have they flat out told her that they WANT to help, not just because they think they have to? For the record, as for the bolded, the only requirement of a BM is to buy the dress and show up.  So there's no should in there.  It's kind of weird for your sister to not include them, but if she wants to throw you a shower, it's her perogative to leave them out of the planning process. 

I should clarify a few things: I know it's not a requirement of anyone to throw me a shower. I said 'should' because my FMIL and FSIL feel they should and want to be involved since it is their son/brother that is getting married, and they're offended no one asked for their input. I don't feel anyone should be throwing me a shower at all but they (the BM's) collectively decided as a group to throw one, and now my sister isn't including anyone.

My reception hall has two different locations with the same menu.  They want to throw the shower at the other location- so it won't be the exact place as my reception. However- a few months before my mom passed, we threw her a surprise birthday party at the location they want the shower.  It's my last good memory of my mom having fun etc, and I don't think I'm ready to go back there yet. She passed only 6 months ago. 

When I told my sister about this (thinking she would understand), she got really defensive and told me I was being 'difficult' and 'too picky'. I told her that I really appreciate everything she's doing but she might want to ask the other BM's for their input and she got defensive.

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sister-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:af0498aa-64bb-4dc7-b7c8-b4db3d7c12bbPost:a3ed0b5f-b940-4ae4-b8d6-492e01743413">Re: Sister-zilla</a>:
[QUOTE] Have they flat out told her that they WANT to help, not just because they think they have to? For the record, as for the bolded, the only requirement of a BM is to buy the dress and show up.  So there's no should in there .  It's kind of weird for your sister to not include them, but if she wants to throw you a shower, it's her perogative to leave them out of the planning process.  I should clarify a few things: I know it's not a requirement of anyone to throw me a shower. I said 'should' because my FMIL and FSIL feel they should and want to  be involved since it is their son/brother that is getting married, and they're offended no one asked for their input. I don't feel anyone should be throwing me a shower at all but <strong>they (the BM's) collectively decided as a group to throw one</strong>, and now my sister isn't including anyone. My reception hall has two different locations with the same menu.  They want to throw the shower at the other location- so it won't be the exact place as my reception. However- a few months before my mom passed, we threw her a surprise birthday party at the location they want the shower.  It's my last good memory of my mom having fun etc, and<strong> I don't think I'm ready to go back there yet</strong>. She passed only 6 months ago.  When I told my sister about this (thinking she would understand), she got really defensive and told me I was being 'difficult' and 'too picky'. I told her that I really appreciate everything she's doing but she might want to ask the other BM's for their input and she got defensive.
Posted by jeberes08[/QUOTE]

Well honestly, if they all agreed, then yeah, your sister is being a jerk.  If anything, they've got power in numbers, they should just try and wedge their way into the planning or have an intervention. 
It sounds like your sister really wants to throw it by herself, so honestly, I would decline the shower she is planning (if it's not too far into the process) and let your other BMs start over if they choose.

Sarah0335

I completely understand not wanting to go back there.  My MOH recently lost her mother due to cancer and I have seen how hard some things are for her.  She is incredibly strong and it sounds like you are to for deeling with it as well as you are.

I would talk with your sister and everyone else about the part with your mother.  Say you are extremely happy that everyone is so eager to do this for you and what is most important to you is just having everyone there and having everyone who wants to help be able to.

jeberes08

Thanks ladies!

sweetcanadian1979

what about the other people planning their own shower, no one says you have to have only 1, maybe for fiances side of the family (yes i know, sometimes they are joined, in my case though we both have bigger families) or something?

goodine11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_sister-zilla?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:af0498aa-64bb-4dc7-b7c8-b4db3d7c12bbPost:7e881fe6-ab27-44b8-a8af-2c1d51e7a346">Re: Sister-zilla</a>:
[QUOTE]what about the other people planning their own shower, no one says you have to have only 1, maybe for fiances side of the family (yes i know, sometimes they are joined, in my case though we both have bigger families) or something?
Posted by sweetcanadian1979[/QUOTE]

Great IDEA!!! Let the Funs begin.