absent father *vent*

sweet_melissa81

My father and I are estranged and I really don't think I will ask him to attend the wedding even though I love my father very much, I just shudder when I think about having him there. My father was very abusive and I always feel uneasy when I am around him, but I am having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that I don't have a "normal" dad who can love me and be supportive. It's one of the things that I have always dreamt of having- a father who loves me and wants to protect me. As a child, I used to day dream that my "real" father would come into my life and tell me that he loves me and is so sorry that he wasn't there to protect me. I lied constantly to friends at school. I hid the terrible things that happened in my home that not even my best girlfriend in HS knew how bad my home life was. I hope that when I start to raise my own family that it will help heal some of the pain of and grief that I've felt. I feel sad that when my kids watch my wedding video or see our wedding photos they will probably ask me "where is your dad at, mom?" or "why didn't your dad walk you down the aisle?" These feelings have seemed to multiply as I get closer to the wedding day. I should be getting excited yet I am feeling really sad.

DrPB2b13

*hugs*

I guarantee that what you are feeling right now is incredibly normal.  I know that doesn't really make it easier, but you are not alone.

MissyB1313

I'm sorry you had to go through that, especially as a child. It's not fair, and no one deserves that. Please know you're not alone,and if you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me. Sometimes biological fathers are meant to be just that, just someone that was there to make you, and make you who you are today.  As for kids asking where he is in the future, if he's not associated with you from the time your future kids are born, they probably won't even think about it. 

khafner2

hugs to you Melissa.  I completely understand what you are going through but I hae problems with my mom.  She was diagnosed bi-polar when I was a young adult and since then when she is not on her medication she tends to cause lots of problems, make accusations, etc.  Needless to say I haven't talked to her in over a year

sweetcanadian1979

I think it is normal to feel the way you do. My mom has to have surgery. If it is close to my wedding i am going to be devastated that she is not there.

A bit different but hurt is hurt. You will always feel like you were robbed. Too bad you don't have an awesome stepdad or something to fill the void.

cwill6212

(((((((hugs))))))))

You are definitely not alone. I completely understand what you are feeling. I had an absent father (who has now passed) and now an absent mother. She will not be at the wedding and that is getting harder to accept as it gets closer. But it's for the best. Surround yourself with loving, encouraging people who will support, build you up and celebrate with you!!

sweet_melissa81

Thank you so much! I don't know what to say, but it means so much to hear such supportive and understanding words from complete strangers. I really don't have many people that I feel I can talk to about this. Thanks again.