Is anyone handfasting?

drewmw

FI and I are thinking about doing handfasting as part of our wedding ceremony. Are any of you ladies going to? When during the ceremony are you going to do it? Do you have a script/ know what the officiant is going to say about it?

TIA!!!

gregamywedding

What is that?

melntaitt

We're doing a handfasting and it's a tradition in our family; we have an heirloom band with cochre and seashells that everyone from my great-great grandmother used. We add something to it with each marriage and I'm going to add a NY charm.

drewmw

This link explains it a bit:

http://www.projectwedding.com/wedding-ideas/handfasting-ceremony

kimiandgary

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_is-anyone-handfasting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bd91569b-77b1-45b6-8fcb-e994a3268c46Post:76040566-9743-450a-bb29-7d1ab8e7f6dc">Re: Is anyone handfasting?</a>:
[QUOTE]We're doing a handfasting and it's a tradition in our family; we have an heirloom band with cochre and seashells that everyone from my great-great grandmother used. We add something to it with each marriage and I'm going to add a NY charm.
Posted by melntaitt[/QUOTE]

What a great tradition!!

We aren't doing but, but played around with the idea. FIL's are super religious and something this "pagan" (their words, not mine) would be a little bit of an issue.

gregamywedding

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_is-anyone-handfasting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bd91569b-77b1-45b6-8fcb-e994a3268c46Post:b2e0ce08-9ab3-46a6-ad93-e02966b31b8e">Re: Is anyone handfasting?</a>:
[QUOTE]This link explains it a bit: <a href="http://www.projectwedding.com/wedding-ideas/handfasting-ceremony" rel="nofollow">http://www.projectwedding.com/wedding-ideas/handfasting-ceremony</a>
Posted by drewmw[/QUOTE]

Oh ok. We are doing something similar to that.

chelseakopperud

Cool! I love it! I am not considering it!

daria24

We are considering it but I have to find a script that doesn't make me barf.

chelseakopperud

Can you do unity sand AND a hand ceremony?

Turtle&Star

We are planning on doing a variation on this. My FI had the idea to have a long piece of cloth out on the table with the guest book for people to sign with their good wishes as they arrive. Then the officiant will incorporate that into the ceremony, with the idea that we are being "bound" not just by our promises to each other, but by the support of our loved ones. It's very sweet, though honestly feels a little hokey to me, but he's really excited about it, so.

I do like the very end of the suggested script on that website:
With this cord, I bind [name] and [name] to the vows they make to each other.
The knots of this binding are not formed by this cord, but by your vows. You hold in your hands and hearts the making or breaking of this union. May your marriage be blessed with patience and dedication, forgiveness and respect, love and understanding.

I've also been wondering where in the ceremony this should go, though, so I'm curious what other people think about that too.

Chelsea, I don't see why you couldn't do both this and a sand ceremony if you wanted to...

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_is-anyone-handfasting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bd91569b-77b1-45b6-8fcb-e994a3268c46Post:b2e0ce08-9ab3-46a6-ad93-e02966b31b8e">Re: Is anyone handfasting?</a>:
[QUOTE]This link explains it a bit: <a href="http://www.projectwedding.com/wedding-ideas/handfasting-ceremony" rel="nofollow">http://www.projectwedding.com/wedding-ideas/handfasting-ceremony</a>
Posted by drewmw[/QUOTE]

<div>That seems really cool! I'm going to show FI because we have some Irish things throughout our wedding.  </div><div>
</div><div>But I gotta say, that lady's hands in the picture are grotesque.  </div>

Shelly527IN

I've never heard it called that.  I saw someone post the script on here once and thought it was pretty cool, but not sure about the hand binding.  FI and I like the words so we'll just do that without the binding.

mrspatnou

@chelsea we are doing both! We dont know what ribbon we are using, maybe one fom our shower

Shelly527IN

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_is-anyone-handfasting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bd91569b-77b1-45b6-8fcb-e994a3268c46Post:6a2da9c9-f3ef-4551-97cc-a2c92c71d225">Re: Is anyone handfasting?</a>:
[QUOTE]@chelsea we are doing both! We dont know what ribbon we are using, maybe one fom our shower
Posted by mrspatnou[/QUOTE]

I want to do the unity candle and do the handfast (without the binding--that's too much for us), but not sure in what order they should be.

melntaitt

Ours has a specific wording that goes with it but it's literally made from a piece of rope from a sunken ship from when my great-great grandfather was in the Royal Navy in Britain. He presented as a gift to my great-great grandmother and they had a marriage performed by a "priestess" because it was unheard of for a black woman to marry a white man in that era so the marriage wasn't legal.

Over the years, our family has added so much stuff to it and because we usually get married on the beach there are dozens of sea shells, bits of coral, a metal key with a heart, a mock four leaf clover, and all sorts of stuff. So now, my mother is bringing it to NY for my wedding. It's old as dirt but I like to symbolic meaning behind it.

mrspatnou

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_is-anyone-handfasting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bd91569b-77b1-45b6-8fcb-e994a3268c46Post:2ade3b6f-eebd-4a3e-bba4-bf9c5080298d">Re: Is anyone handfasting?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is anyone handfasting? : I want to do the unity candle and do the handfast (without the binding--that's too much for us), but not sure in what order they should be.
Posted by Shelly527IN[/QUOTE]

ejkirkwood

I am doing a handfasting for our June wedding. 

We learned a great deal from a handfasting book entitled "Handfasting and Wedding Ceremonies" http://www.amazon.com/Handfasting-Wedding-Rituals-Welcoming-Blessing/dp/0738704709

We're using ribbons and cords we purchased online & at Joann Fabrics.  Ideally, the ribbons should be one type of material, no polysynthetic material.  However, as with any element of your wedding, you may make that your own.  The cords range from 3-9 feet, depending on your preference.  You may weave charms in it or not, although I like the idea of getting charms from several people who have good energy and sound relationships- sort of cementing your relationship there. My fella picked out three colors and I picked out a different three, with each color being very symbolic for the personal elements and what we intend to bring into the relationship. 

We found some fabulous ceremony words that weren't too hokey in my opinion. 
This was the short one we were going to do, but ultimately ended up doing a much longer one, with our cord being tied at three different points in each person's vow.:

I wish to join my heart with yours.
To stand by your side and sleep in your arms.
To be your heart and food to your soul.
To work as partners and to live as family
While we grow old together.
I vow to love, honor, and respect you.
To hold you to my heart
But not bind you to my will.
I promise to listen carefully and to speak the truth
To stay with you through struggles and pleasures
All the days of my life.

Traditionally, you're supposed to stay tied until you consummate the marriage. Since that is pretty unrealistic these days, you can either have the officiant state how long you will be tied or you can just untie it at an appropriate point in the ceremony. 

I hope you have fun with your handfasting - it is a beautiful tradition.

Binding Ties

One other thing to add to the post above - handfasting ceremonies often involve two cords or sets of cords - one for each person.  They can then be personalised to each individual, and during the ceremony as they are joined together, this again further underpins the symbolism of two people being bound together.  This also has the advantage that the cords never get untied, just as hopefully the two people never separate :-)