Holy cow! (Thoughts on budgets and family pressure of weddings.)

doeie04

We have been watching the Cake Boss on Netflix and I realized why some people are expected to have these huge weddings and the high expectations. I feel for you guys!

Their baby showers are more expensive than our wedding!!!! (Not to mention Sweet 16s, and just regular birthday parties!) Table numbers, huge cakes (obviously) and extravagant food. It must cost them a fortune! I can see how culture/region effects the way people plan their wedding budget and how they are so pressured to have expensive, huge weddings and invite everyone and their dog, because that is just how it is done.

I never really understood it before. It must be horrible if you want something small.

diamondx423

I wanted a small wedding, FI wanted a large one, and my parents bumped it to very large. What's annoying is I'm the one planning this very large wedding I didn't initially want.

DrPB2b13

I think a lot of it depends on the type of person you are, though.  CVilleClaire has mentioned she's from that area, and she's far from that mindset   While a lot of it seems like it's probably from pressure, I'm also willing to bet that a lot of it is also the idea of keeping up with the Joneses for the sake of doing so, and that comes from within (albeit generally with lots of experience in peer pressure over the years and no reasoning voice that goes "WTF enough already!").

And a final portion of it is how susceptible you are to the vendors trying to get you to purchase more services than you really need, both now and in the future.  Let's face it, if you're planning a wedding, just booking everything your vendors suggest you should, and your florist mentions a baby shower a time or two, you're going to ingrain that and it'll pop up in your mind later when you're planning a baby shower - "OH, my wedding florist said he does GREAT baby shower arrangements!  I should contact him!"

I'd imagine there are still a TON of small, intimate, non-over-the-top weddings that happen even in those areas (let's face it, you did used to see them on Cake Boss making more "normal" wedding cakes), we just don't see them on TV or in magazines, because they're "boring."  This is how stereotypes are made - it's those of us with common sense that see past them to what WE want to see and have, not what everyone else sees instead.

diamondx423

DrPB - if there are a ton of intimate weddings in North Jersey you certainly don't hear about them. Most places have a minimum of 100 people; to have a small wedding you need to find a restaurant or private residence; which probably still isn't cheap.

DrPB2b13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_holy-cow-thoughts-budgets-family-pressure-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bf828c36-dc7d-45d8-8683-a2edbe75af02Post:ee4d6020-ed70-4a8d-9c1f-b6364a3e8a79">Re: Holy cow! (Thoughts on budgets and family pressure of weddings.)</a>:
[QUOTE]DrPB - if there are a ton of intimate weddings in North Jersey you certainly don't hear about them.<strong> Most places have a minimum of 100 people; to have a small wedding you need to find a restaurant or private residence;</strong> which probably still isn't cheap.
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]

That depends on the couple, though.  We technically have a minimum of 125 but there's no way we're going to hit that - after our ENTIRE families and all of our genuinely close friends, we're currently at 112, and that's with "plus ones" for people who have outright told us that they're not going to bring a date.  We just have to pay for 125 regardless, so we look at it as though it's a flat cost up to that number of people.  I'm sure it's still CRAZY expensive in NJ, but that still doesn't mean it has to be over the top, or that you couldn't invite only 50-75 guests.

BluIvory82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_holy-cow-thoughts-budgets-family-pressure-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bf828c36-dc7d-45d8-8683-a2edbe75af02Post:ee4d6020-ed70-4a8d-9c1f-b6364a3e8a79">Re: Holy cow! (Thoughts on budgets and family pressure of weddings.)</a>:
[QUOTE]DrPB - <strong>if there are a ton of intimate weddings in North Jersey you certainly don't hear about them.</strong> Most places have a minimum of 100 people; to have a small wedding you need to find a restaurant or private residence; which probably still isn't cheap.
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]

This! Weddings in this area are expected to be more grand. Big, more food, lots of liquor and tons of people.

doeie04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_holy-cow-thoughts-budgets-family-pressure-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bf828c36-dc7d-45d8-8683-a2edbe75af02Post:c02caa83-f380-4e2f-8f3b-061a5fa8a56e">Re: Holy cow! (Thoughts on budgets and family pressure of weddings.)</a>:
[QUOTE]I wanted a small wedding, FI wanted a large one, and my parents bumped it to very large. What's annoying is I'm the one planning this very large wedding I didn't initially want.
Posted by diamondx423[/QUOTE]

We both wanted a small wedding. We initially had 300 guests no our list, and that was just too many. We cut out cousins and it is down to 131. That is still a little large in my opinion, but it is much better. I couldn't handle planning a party that big. I was about to go crazy! His aunts are pisssed but I don't care. They can cry about it. :P

niecie_jeff

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_holy-cow-thoughts-budgets-family-pressure-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bf828c36-dc7d-45d8-8683-a2edbe75af02Post:bcc76c50-49f3-4a76-9e5b-19fdd2f784e8">Re: Holy cow! (Thoughts on budgets and family pressure of weddings.)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Holy cow! (Thoughts on budgets and family pressure of weddings.) : We both wanted a small wedding. We initially had 300 guests no our list, and that was just too many. We cut out cousins and it is down to 131. That is still a little large in my opinion, but it is much better. I couldn't handle planning a party that big. I was about to go crazy! His aunts are pisssed but I don't care. They can cry about it. :P
Posted by doeie04[/QUOTE]

<div>Our guest list is right at 140 right now which is way more than we were planning for. However, there is about 20 people that have already told us they can not make it, but since they are family they will get an invite anyway. </div>

littleluckypenny

I think a lot of times people go into planning a wedding "blind" and not look into creative, less expensive alternatives. A lot of of women (not to be biased, but not a lot of guys envision their wedding at 10 years old) want the fairy-tale, over the top wedding they planned since they were in elementary school. Others want to just out-do others and think going into debt is the only way to make a wedding shine.

diamondx423

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_holy-cow-thoughts-budgets-family-pressure-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bf828c36-dc7d-45d8-8683-a2edbe75af02Post:8db79208-b01b-4745-867f-c905be127a4d">Re: Holy cow! (Thoughts on budgets and family pressure of weddings.)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Holy cow! (Thoughts on budgets and family pressure of weddings.) : Our guest list is right at 140 right now which is way more than we were planning for. However, there is about 20 people that have already told us they can not make it, but since they are family they will get an invite anyway. 
Posted by niecie_jeff[/QUOTE]



Jealous. We have a "b" list because we're about 20 people over the max capacity of the room.

CvilleClaire

Yep, I'm from Bergen County.  I've been to bat mitzvahs that would stun you.  The weddings I've been to have been over the top.  After moving away, I've come to look back on some of them as downright gaudy and excessive.

Hospitality is important to me, but I also think about consumption and waste.  The source and quality of the food wins over quantity now.  I'm sure at least one family member of mine will snort over my organic, local farm-to-table menu (a paltry two courses after a cocktail hour with five passed hors d'ouvres), but I'm really pleased with how we do things down here.


BTW, I've heard cakes from Carolo's (Buddy's) aren't great and he has pushed his prices through the roof. 

Melissa603

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_holy-cow-thoughts-budgets-family-pressure-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bf828c36-dc7d-45d8-8683-a2edbe75af02Post:9a01cfa1-e888-4439-bbcd-b94c501cf5ab">Re: Holy cow! (Thoughts on budgets and family pressure of weddings.)</a>:
[QUOTE]BTW, I've heard cakes from Carolo's (Buddy's) aren't great and he has pushed his prices through the roof. 
Posted by CvilleClaire[/QUOTE]

<div>I've heard the same thing - I have a friend who works for FDNY in the Bronx and they got cakes from there and said they were not that good.</div>

diamondx423

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_holy-cow-thoughts-budgets-family-pressure-of-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:bf828c36-dc7d-45d8-8683-a2edbe75af02Post:a22f7193-bfe5-4f97-bc12-fc26dc88aca5">Re: Holy cow! (Thoughts on budgets and family pressure of weddings.)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Holy cow! (Thoughts on budgets and family pressure of weddings.) : I've heard the same thing - I have a friend who works for FDNY in the Bronx and they got cakes from there and said they were not that good.
Posted by Melissa603[/QUOTE]

He makes decent pastry, but the cakes are just blah. Its annoying because since he "became famous" he doesn't treat his loyal long-time customers like people anymore. It essentially turned into a machine.

doeie04

I think his cakes look like they would taste crappy. Who wants a cake with a ton of rice crispy treats and modeling chocolate? If you notice his family eating his fondant cakes, they don't eat frosting. (Which I hear you aren't supposed to or that it isn't made right, not sure what?) But who would want a cake with so much crap on it, and no cake?! I think he has ruined his dad's shop by making it a contest with himself and he doesn't really make CAKE anymore. And he takes credit for everything! It makes me sick sometimes. I don't know why I still watch it, except he can make great cakes if his competitive ego doesn't get in the way.

CvilleClaire

If you want to see truly amazing cakes, like works of art, check out Maggie Austen cakes (out of DC) and Sweet & Saucy. Maggie, especially, is pretty progressive in her designs. I don't find Buddy impressive. He and the Ace of Cakes guy just do the same, expected stuff.

http://maggieaustincake.com/
http://www.sweetandsaucyshop.com/

melfacto

I knew from the get go we'd have a huge wedding with FI being italian as well as my father... our guest list is about 320 and that is cutting out many people

MIZCNEL

I've always dreamed of a big fancy wedding when I was little as I've grown up I just wanted an intimate wedding nothing really fancy. Although our orig budget wasn't that much $10,000 +++++  it seems like it's 100,000 not including HM. $6,000 just to feed 130 people ! I have two dresses and two pair of shoes, 2 photographers 's (1 for the rehearsal, and 1 for ceremony ),  two ministers, musicians, 9, bridesmaids, and 9 groomsmen , 7 flower girls, 3 ushers, a limo, and etc. ugh why oh why we should have just eloped ! My in-laws are "well off" and want to make sure all is "nice and elegant" therefore it's massive except for our reception (food wise).