EXPIRED

jaschelle

EXPIRED

acaponi87

It doesn't matter if it is a coincidence or not...there's nothing you can do about it so put it out of your mind.

"Oh hey ex-girlfriend of my FI , I was stalking your facebook and noticed you were going to be on your vacation on the same island the same day as our wedding...yeah that makes me uncomfortable so can you change the date of your vacation?"

Yeah, that doesn't work.

-Stop FB stalking, there's nothing you can do about it
-Don't put the link up to your website on FB where people who aren't invited can see details
-your FI needs to defriend her and stop trying to "be nice"
-She won't show up to your wedding. Get it out of your mind and worry about things that are actually important. Oh and stop FB stalking.

julbgordo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_ugh-i-want-to-scream-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:deffd009-7029-48e7-958b-f771a4f73655Post:e4eaa7b8-5bab-438f-b92f-2c8adfcca753">Re: UGH I want to scream! Opinions please</a>:
[QUOTE]It doesn't matter if it is a coincidence or not...there's nothing you can do about it so put it out of your mind. "Oh hey ex-girlfriend of my FI , I was stalking your facebook and noticed you were going to be on your vacation on the same island the same day as our wedding...yeah that makes me uncomfortable so can you change the date of your vacation?" Yeah, that doesn't work. -Stop FB stalking, there's nothing you can do about it -Don't put the link up to your website on FB where people who aren't invited can see details -your FI needs to defriend her and stop trying to "be nice" -She won't show up to your wedding. Get it out of your mind and worry about things that are actually important. Oh and stop FB stalking.
Posted by acaponi87[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree with this.</div><div>
</div><div>I think your main mistake was putting the link for your wedding website out for all to see.  There are other, more private ways, to supply your guests with your wedding website link.

</div>

Ash61612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_ugh-i-want-to-scream-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:deffd009-7029-48e7-958b-f771a4f73655Post:e4eaa7b8-5bab-438f-b92f-2c8adfcca753">Re: UGH I want to scream! Opinions please</a>:
[QUOTE]It doesn't matter if it is a coincidence or not...there's nothing you can do about it so put it out of your mind. "Oh hey ex-girlfriend of my FI , I was stalking your facebook and noticed you were going to be on your vacation on the same island the same day as our wedding...yeah that makes me uncomfortable so can you change the date of your vacation?" Yeah, that doesn't work.<strong> -Stop FB stalking, there's nothing you can do about it -Don't put the link up to your website on FB where people who aren't invited can see details -your FI needs to defriend her and stop trying to "be nice" -She won't show up to your wedding. Get it out of your mind and worry about things that are actually important. Oh and stop FB stalking.
</strong>Posted by acaponi87[/QUOTE]

agree, when you put your wedding web-site out there for everyone to see, you risk the chance of people looking at it that you don't want too.

midgetthemighty

Unfortunately, you put your wedding website out there for all of the FB world to see so the only way to "fix" this situation is to travel back in time and not put that out there. Saying anything to her about it (either you or FI) would only cause more drama and it's never worth it. Ever.

There's no way for you to know if this is a coincidence or not so all you can do is believe that it is and move on with your life. Maybe all she's trying to do is get the reaction that she got out of you, maybe she's not even going, maybe she has always wanted to go to this specific island in Hawaii and that week worked for them. You just can't know.

FWIW, I'm slightly paranoid that my ex is going to show up but I know that my ushers would kick his butt to the curb because 3/4 of them hate him more than I do. I'm not letting it bother me because that would be letting him win. You should never let the exes win.

daria24

I grant you it's...odd but you have a choice: you can indulge in your inclinations to be paranoid or you can decide to push it from your mind. If you look for drama, you will find it. And worst case scenario she does show up at your wedding, then you get to rub your marriage in her face. She'll be humiliated and you will still be married at the end of the day.

Amynutrition

If my FI's ex were that crazy (assuming its not coincidence she's going to same island that weekend)

I agree with Daria,  I would just invite her to the wedding so she can see the exact moment your FI is taken off the market for good

chelseakopperud

I agree with PPs.... there is nothing you can do about it so try not to worry about it. If you think this girl is capable of something like this, why would your FI have accepted her friend request!?! He should delete her ASAP and stop posting the wedding website link.

chelseamb11

I hate to say it, but you made a HUUUUGE mistake in putting your wedding website on facebook.  It sends the wrong signals and some people who aren't as facebook savvy could take it as a note that they are actually being invited when they aren't (if I were to do this, I have a bunch of great uncles that would do this).  I recommend you remove the link from your profile if you haven't already.

Even if they are on the same island as you, chances are you probably won't see them.  Nonetheless, your FI does need to unfriend her, because even if she's been dying to go to this island, it's extremely creepy that she books it for when you'll be there. Like you said, there are 366 days this year, why the same week you'll be there? 

If she does still go on the trip (which I still don't think she will) and you see her, ignore her.  Act like the happy wedded bliss couple you know you two will be.  If she says hi, say hi back and then say something along the lines of "enjoy the rest of your trip" and walk away.

kelsey+brandon

I think there are people in this world that just want you to know they're there. FI's ex was like this too. She would miraculously show up wherever we were and would always end up taking photos with his friends and hovering around us. 

I honestly don't think she'd have the balls to just show up at your wedding. Did you post where you're staying? Hopefully she wouldn't go as far as to stay at the same place. All you need to worry about is that it's YOUR wedding and you're the one who gets to marry your FI. Her being there doesn't change that.

lb1212

I understand wanting to fb stalk the ex.  Just remember that HE PICKED YOU, not her. You've already won. I know it can be satisfying to tell everyone - especially exes - all of your wedding plans, but it is sorta tacky. I sorta like the idea of dropping her a "oh my gosh! I can't believe we're going to be in Kauai at the same time!  Depending on how busy I am with all the last minute wedding things, maybe we could grab a quick lunch!"  AND then leave it alone!  If you insist on posting wedding updates on fb, change the settings so ONLY people on the guest list can see. Even with out a crazy ex, this is the polite thing to do. 

midgetthemighty

No problem! Sometimes venting it out on "paper" is just as helpful as hearing others views on it. We all need to vent sometimes. I'm glad you realize the best way to handle this is to kill them with kindness!

LindzMarie19

This is definitely weird... I dunno about security. however, do you have someone to monitor who is coming to the wedding? You know, maybe get a picture of her to share with the people who are managing you guest book. If she was to actually show up, you could have someone make her leave before it becomes a big deal. This is the best way to make sure she doesn't show up if that's something you're worried about.

However, I do like the PPs saying to let her come to the wedding if she's going to and let her watch yall get married!!!! Not making a big deal about it is the best approach because she just wants a  rise out of yall.

TeamMoriarty

i agree with PPs-not much can be done about it now-wrap yourself up in wedding details and spending time with FI.  It's great to vent, and this board can be a great place to do it-and when you ask for advice, this board is sure to give it!   i don't think it's a coincidence, but also don't think much can be done about it now.  Only thing I could think of is for FI to confront her about it rather than being passive aggressive-but I don't think it's necessary.  Ignoring is probably your best bet (IMO).  Best of luck

precamies

she does sound like a psycho. or rather a person that just can't let go. Having had a stalker, I feel for you. I had to move (and never tell my address to anyone), cut off my phone, unfriend a bunch of people on FB that he could possibly access me through, change offices...tell my family to block him as well.... because he would always find a way to place himself somewhere in my way to make me feel bad for him (which I didn't, I was just mad). But the more I think about it, even me being mad or my FI being unsettled that someone is endangering me worked for the Ex. that's all people like that want, they want to provoke a reaction, no matter what it is, because it makes them feel like they still matter in some way.
I think that if this is making you uneasy, I would explain it to your FI and ask him if he would unfriend her. I don't see why he wouldn't... FIs are usually pretty good about seeing when their loved ones need to come first (over not offending a random old "friend" by not being friends with them on FB). You are the one who's feelings matter. Just relay that sensibly.

michellep1

I don't think your FI should unfriend her because if she is crazy, that will set off alarms for her and I think it could push her over the edge.  I would have him put her on one of those lists where you can filter what people can & can't see, what they can comment on, etc.  I had to do this to my Grandma unfortunately because she doesn't understand that FB is public and would post things as if she was writing a personal email, which could end up putting someone in danger if there's a crazy out there.

I think putting the wedding website on FB was a mistake, but you said you already know that.  It can't be undone so I agree with PPs, I'd tell your contact at the venue about the situation and just keep her away.  Even if she does crash you probably won't notice her in the crowd because you'll be too busy getting married!!

michelletobin

I don't think it is a coincidence and you have the right to your privacy. Even though there is nothing you can do about her being there at the same time as your wedding, you can talk to your FI and tell him that maybe it isn't a good idea to have here on his FB page. I wouldn't want someone like that on my husbands FB page, how uncomfortable.

precamies

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_ugh-i-want-to-scream-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:deffd009-7029-48e7-958b-f771a4f73655Post:cc93ed70-751a-44d6-8725-d20a0501e070">Re: UGH I want to scream! Opinions please</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think your FI should unfriend her because if she is crazy, that will set off alarms for her and I think it could push her over the edge.  <strong>I would have him put her on one of those lists where you can filter what people can & can't see, what they can comment on, etc.</strong>  I had to do this to my Grandma unfortunately because she doesn't understand that FB is public and would post things as if she was writing a personal email, which could end up putting someone in danger if there's a crazy out there. I think putting the wedding website on FB was a mistake, but you said you already know that.  It can't be undone so I agree with PPs, I'd tell your contact at the venue about the situation and just keep her away.  Even if she does crash you probably won't notice her in the crowd because you'll be too busy getting married!!
Posted by michellep1[/QUOTE]

definitely agree with this.