Alcohol Expectations

janeash

Some background:  Our wedding is in Maui...we have people spending tons of money to fly from Perth, Australia just to come for our wedding.  The ceremony, cocktail hour and reception are all going to be held at a restaurant (ceremony/cocktail hour is on the lawn by the beach) and so we have to order off their alcohol list (we can't bring in outside beverages).  We have some big drinkers coming to our wedding, and FI and I also quite enjoy a good drink or 2 (especially since we will be on holiday in Hawaii).

So FI is just now going over the budget and freaking out about it (something I did MONTHS ago...he chose to ignore my panicked cries for help then) and he has decided that where we need to cut down our spending is on alcohol.  He thinks that we should cut out alcohol at the cocktail hour and make it a cash bar and then just put 2 bottles of wine on each of the tables at dinner.  As the restaurant is quite expensive and our guest count has increased, I agree with the wine at dinner...that sounds reasonable (and I have seen it done that way at many other weddings) but what about the cocktail hour?  I thought the point of a cocktail hour was cocktails (as the name implies) and some hors d'ouvres.  I really don't want to cheap out on our guests that are spending all that money just to come to our wedding, so I thought it seemed really cheap-looking to make the cocktail hour a cash bar (especially since there is no bar outside where the cocktail hour is taking place so everyone would have to go inside the restaurant to order drinks if they want them).  I think a lot of people would be quite taken aback if they had to buy their own drinks during the cocktail hour (or they might not even stick around for the cocktail hour then).

I am really lost.  Any advice on alcohol expectations??

L&J2012

If cash bars are not the norm in your family/circle, I'd expect people to be offended by it, especially since it's a destination wedding. I agree with wine at dinner- that's perfectly acceptable. But, I'd keep the cocktail hour open bar. Is there anything else that you have that you don't need? Or that you could find cheaper?

daria24

I am anti-cash bar, especially if your guests have come for a DW. Why not just host beer and wine, and/or a signature cocktail? I think even heavy drinkers won't drink more than 2-3 drinks in an hour. Or ask about pitchers of sangria, Mai tais, a punch bowl, etc?

janeash

The coordinator at the venue has said they have a special on mai tais which usually makes it cheaper to serve those instead of wine/beer at the cocktail hour.  Would it be weird if we only served those and then moved on to wine at dinner?  And if people didn't want the mai tais, then they could go buy whatever they want?  (I would be concerned about people getting smashed on these at the cocktail hour, but there is quite a lot of food being served then so I am hoping that would help).

Ash61612

We are only doing beer and wine to help control the cost of alcohol. I am against cash bars because they are not the norm in my social circle. That being said, your guests are putting a lot of money into coming to your DW so I would be a little peeved if I had to pay for drinks at a wedding.

mek20

I think that just having Mai Tai's at the cocktail hour sounds likea cool idea! It kind of fits the theme of your DW, which would be a cute touch. (No one would have to know that you are trying to save money!)  I would then, however, have the beer and other liquor available after dinner.  I went to a DW in Key West, Florida this past October, and the only drinks available during the cocktail hour were Margaritas. It was a great idea, and nobody complained. 

I am completely against Cash bars, your guests have paid a lot of money to come to your wedding, and probably will have given you a gift of some sort as well. 

Ash61612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_alcohol-expectations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:df705efa-aa9b-4aff-82f5-4d7edaa93b89Post:3a0f00cd-6f78-4379-8b89-3b9d7cbdc661">Re: Alcohol Expectations</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think that just having Mai Tai's at the cocktail hour sounds likea cool idea! It kind of fits the theme of your DW, which would be a cute touch.</strong> (No one would have to know that you are trying to save money!)  I would then, however, have the beer and other liquor available after dinner.  I went to a DW in Key West, Florida this past October, and the only drinks available during the cocktail hour were Margaritas. It was a great idea, and nobody complained.  I am completely against Cash bars, your guests have paid a lot of money to come to your wedding, and probably will have given you a gift of some sort as well. 
Posted by mek20[/QUOTE]
<div>this is a great point</div>

melntaitt

I'm in an area where the cash bar is the norm - however, for a DW that wouldn't be ok. To already have so many expenses then pay for drinks at the main attraction may not be well received.

Is there anything you can compromise on? One of our biggest expenses was the upgrades to certain items - the prime rib carving station as opposed to the skirt steak, the cranberry stuffed pork tenderloin instead of just roast pork, uplighting for the cake table instead of just candles, etc.

Are there any upgrades you could possibly sacrifice?

janeash

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_alcohol-expectations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:df705efa-aa9b-4aff-82f5-4d7edaa93b89Post:25478444-68c1-4fbe-a1a6-bbd6bc1905bd">Re: Alcohol Expectations</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm in an area where the cash bar is the norm - however, for a DW that wouldn't be ok. To already have so many expenses then pay for drinks at the main attraction may not be well received. Is there anything you can compromise on? One of our biggest expenses was the upgrades to certain items - the prime rib carving station as opposed to the skirt steak, the cranberry stuffed pork tenderloin instead of just roast pork, uplighting for the cake table instead of just candles, etc. Are there any upgrades you could possibly sacrifice?
Posted by melntaitt[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I am definitely against the cash bar because I think it would look really cheap of us (FI thinks it would be perfectly fine....he's forgetting his mom is the biggest culprit when it comes to making a dent in the drinking budget!!)  As for making cuts.....this is what we are doing so far:</div><div>Cocktail reception (it's $10 a head....can't make any cuts there without cutting it out completely....which I also think would look cheap of us).  And for dinner we are doing a salad course, a main course and a dessert course (because it was cheaper to do that than have a cake) so aside from cutting out the salad course, I don't really know how we could cut down there.</div><div>
</div><div>I think I am liking the ideas of the mai tais at cocktail hour...they are the hawaiian drink so it fits.....</div>

Zimsgirl

What about some fun Hawaiian themed mock tails for cocktail hour and then wine for dinner? We almost did a dry reception but my mom didn't think it'd go over well so were doing wine and beer. I wouldn't do cash bar

doeie04

I would do a few specialty drinks or mock tails like Zims said, then serve wine at dinner like you were thinking. Usually I am all for weddings that don't serve a lot except dinner, but your guests are spending more than a regular wedding and I know I would be upset if they cut all those corners and made me pay for my own drinks. (Which I usually don't mind.)

diamondx423

To be blunt, I'd be really upset if I flew across the country for a wedding and then had to buy my own drinks at cocktail hour. I think something should be hosted, even if its just a Mai Tai like pp's mentioned. Wine at dinner is also fine; but you do need to host some alcohol for your guests. Plus, its not a college party; I don't think people are going to throw back 6 drinks during the cocktail hour.

skybrie

Personally I would expect a full open bar for a DW - But then again I have never been to a cash bar in the 15 weddings I have been to.  You may want to ask on the DW board....

LiLgEe

i dont like cash bar, i think open bar is a way better feature, everyone likes open bar!!

MiksChick23

I'm of the mindset that cash bars are totally ok if they are the norm in your area or with your circle...however, for DW, its totally different. Do a limited drink menu or have a limited amount of time where the bar is open and after that pop and coffee only. I wouldn't want to fly all the way to a DW, pay for a hotel room & a gift and still have to fork over money to drink.