Etiquette outside of TK

michellep1

Does anyone else find that a lot of people in real life haven't heard of quite a few etiquette rules?  The honeymoon registry thread made me think of this - last night a few work people went out for a drink after work and a girl was talking about her friend having a honeymoon registry.  Absolutely NOONE thought it was a bad idea, everyone was acting like it was the best registry idea they'd ever heard of!  I didn't want to be the debbie downer so I just played along, but I think they're such bad etiquette!

Has anyone else been in this position, where a friend thinks something tacky is a great idea?  If so, how do you react if you're not that close with them?  If its someone I'm close with (family) I try to communicate why it might be a bad idea, but if its someone I'm not as comfortable with I find that I'm playing dumb a lot, which really just makes me mad later!  It seems like its a fine line between suggesting what could go wrong with an idea and offending people, and I never know what to do.

peachykeen26

We pretty much ignore the TK etiquette. There are some things that are common knowledge and that's what we stick with.

If someone is offended, they will get over it or not come to the wedding. One less meal we have to pay for. And, I know that that sounds bad, but I really just don't care. 

If we attempted to keep up with the rules, we would be going crazy.

Also, our family dynamics just don't allow us to follow ALL of those rules. 

I don't really think that HM registries are that bad. Especially if you travel like the couple does. I think what sucks about them are the hidden fees. If your family expects you to travel, then I don't think its bad. 

amyl9

YES! I'm glad you posted this. I find the same thing to be true. Most recent example: my mom and my sister thought I was crazy when I informed them that bridal shower invites should only be extended to those invited to the wedding. Their thought is "Well isn't it nice to include people in some of the wedding festivities that otherwise wouldn't be at all because of budget or space constraints?" *Sigh* The hardest part is that it's not the worst logic in the world...

sweet_melissa81

I find outside of the knot and everywhere else that people can be extremely judgemental and ALWAYS have some opinion on what the right thing is to do. There are people who live for the moment to set you straight. That's why I pick and choose what I share with people because most of the time their opinions on taste and etiquette are merely just an opinion or "their idea of what they think is right" versus "true etiquette" . I think most people either uninformed or just completely ignorant when it comes to understand tradition and etiquette. I'm not saying that I'm not ignorant or know all about etiquette, but what I've seen and heard come out of people's mouth.

sweet_melissa81

damn! tk just ate my response!

melntaitt

There are people who live for the moment to set you straight. That's why I pick and choose what I share with people because most of the time their opinions on taste and etiquette are merely just an opinion or "their idea of what they think is right" versus "true etiquette" .

Can I just agree with you 100% here? I see some of the rudeness that comes across when people dare to disagree with TK users that govern the world of etiquette and it's just unnecessary. If someone truly needs advice there's no reason to act like "Oh, you're an idiot - let me give you the benefit of my massive knowledge so you can get out of the dumbass box." Sometimes, clean simple, here's how it's usually done is what people are looking for.

I'm from a completely different culture that has never heard of the dollar dance, but I moved to Upstate NY where it happens at every wedding. I'm not going to tell my dear friends that I'm a part of a website that judges this choice so they should put a sock in it...really????

noisulli22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_etiquette-outside-of-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f0643bc3-93f4-4b1b-a137-6bd6751e2242Post:ee2b9a0b-7f21-4c94-8002-69810ff2960d">Re: Etiquette outside of TK</a>:
[QUOTE]We pretty much ignore the TK etiquette. There are some things that are common knowledge and that's what we stick with. If someone is offended, they will get over it or not come to the wedding. One less meal we have to pay for. And, I know that that sounds bad, but I really just don't care.  If we attempted to keep up with the rules, we would be going crazy. Also, our family dynamics just don't allow us to follow ALL of those rules.  I don't really think that HM registries are that bad. Especially if you travel like the couple does. I think what sucks about them are the hidden fees. If your family expects you to travel, then I don't think its bad. 
Posted by peachykeen26[/QUOTE]

<div>This</div><div>
</div><div>Sometimes ppl confuse etiquette with respect. </div>

kristin183

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_etiquette-outside-of-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f0643bc3-93f4-4b1b-a137-6bd6751e2242Post:ee2b9a0b-7f21-4c94-8002-69810ff2960d">Re: Etiquette outside of TK</a>:
[QUOTE]We pretty much ignore the TK etiquette. There are some things that are common knowledge and that's what we stick with. If someone is offended, they will get over it or not come to the wedding. One less meal we have to pay for. And, I know that that sounds bad, but I really just don't care.  If we attempted to keep up with the rules, we would be going crazy. Also, our family dynamics just don't allow us to follow ALL of those rules.  I don't really think that HM registries are that bad. Especially if you travel like the couple does. I think what sucks about them are the hidden fees. If your family expects you to travel, then I don't think its bad. 
Posted by peachykeen26[/QUOTE]


Yeap, this.
The honeymoon registry might be a bad example I think it is a 50/50 spilt on people who think it is okay vs people who do not... and depending on what etiquette stuff you look up the answer changes. I think if you are okay with it and you think about others and don't seem greedy go for it.

Etiquette can vary from regions, families, cultures and etc.

janeash

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_etiquette-outside-of-tk?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f0643bc3-93f4-4b1b-a137-6bd6751e2242Post:bb0361c3-fbbc-479f-b1fa-198a373ab177">Re: Etiquette outside of TK</a>:
[QUOTE]There are people who live for the moment to set you straight. That's why I pick and choose what I share with people because most of the time their opinions on taste and etiquette are merely just an opinion or "their idea of what they think is right" versus "true etiquette" . I think most people either uninformed or just completely ignorant when it comes to understand tradition and etiquette. I'm not saying that I'm not ignorant or know all about etiquette, but what I've seen and heard come out of people's mouth.
Posted by sweet_melissa81[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree completely!  I guess FI and I just don't feel the need to be completely traditional.  We aren't traditional any other way, so why should our wedding be like that? My thought on it is that if people don't like it, then they don't have to come.  I appreciate all the feedback on the Honeymoon Registry thread, but in the end, we did create a honeymoon registry, because it is what makes sense for us as a couple and if people don't like that, then they can waste their time and energy being offended by it and buy us a material possesion that we don't really want (and we have created a 2nd, more traditional registry for that purpose).</div>