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June 2012 Weddings

Plus Ones - Slightly Different Situation

So, one of my single male friend sent me an email asking what the likelihood of his getting a plus one for my wedding will be. He also asked how many cute single girls our age will be at the wedding! lol. This is not offensive because we often talk about getting him a nice female companion (lol), but I'm not sure how to tell him he's 95% not getting a plus one... I feel a little bad because there's only going to be about 3 single ladies at my wedding, since all of our friends are either in a relationship or engaged or married.

We have 80+ more people on our guest list than we originally wanted and we're not giving plus ones to any of our friends who are not married/engaged/living with their partner/ or been in a relationship for multiple years - basically any situation where it would look extremely rude if we didn't give a plus one. Single friends = no plus one.

Granted we are having a semi-destination wedding, but my friend's potential plus one (who is just a friend of his, and I've never met) lives in the city we're getting married in and he is also travelling and staying with another one of our guy friends, so it's not like he's travelling alone... so I really don't think he needs a plus one! Plus, FI and I already decided we don't want people bringing "random" plus ones just for the sake of having a plus one if they will have other friends at the wedding...

Anyway, I've already decided he's not getting a plus one unless about 100 people decline their invitations -- I'm just trying to figure out a tactful way to tell him. Suggestions??? TIA! :)
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Re: Plus Ones - Slightly Different Situation

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_plus-ones-slightly-different-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f8df4d56-48db-4e1c-b920-6b4ad93b7497Post:74f8b51d-ca0c-4cd6-af98-72c517e8f60b">Plus Ones - Slightly Different Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel a little bad because there's only going to be about 3 single ladies at my wedding, since all of our friends are either in a relationship or engaged or married. We have 80+ more people on our guest list than we originally wanted and <strong>we're not giving plus ones to any of our friends who are not married/engaged/living with their partner/ or been in a relationship for multiple years - basically any situation where it would look extremely rude if we didn't give a plus one.</strong> Single friends = no plus one. 
    Posted by ashbear720[/QUOTE]
    This is also what we are doing. We only invited +1's to those who are in a long term relationship. There are some guests who are single who are not getting +1's. We just don't have the space or room.<div>
    </div><div>I would just explain to your friend that due to budget, we had to limit our +1's. I am sure he will understand.</div>
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  • I feel bad being like, sorry there's pretty much going to be no girls at my wedding you'll be interested in, and you can't bring your own since you don't have a girlfriend. It seems so mean! lol, but I don't know what else to do...
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  • Single guests don't need a plus one, so just be polite and I'm sure he'll understand.
  • I would just tell him. One of our friends was awkwardly talking about who the random girl who he was going to bring to our wedding was. FI politely (or maybe not so politely? I wasn't there haha) told him he wouldn't have a date, but there'd be plenty of single girls for him to awkwardly dance with/heisman.

  • All of our guests will have te option for a plus one, regardless of status, but we're also having a small wedding and we can afford more. Most of our guests are either married, engaged or in a relationship, and most of the ones who aren't likely wont bring a random person anyways. So, I can't help much but I agree with what the other girls said.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_plus-ones-slightly-different-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f8df4d56-48db-4e1c-b920-6b4ad93b7497Post:53b2d932-eddf-49ac-be3d-cec17e5f1868">Re: Plus Ones - Slightly Different Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]Single guests don't need a plus one, so just be polite and I'm sure he'll understand.
    Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]
    This.  IMHO any guests you're inviting that are in a relationship should also get a +1.
  • IMO I think everyone should have the option of a plus one.  I know a lot of people don't do this, but I have gone to many weddings when single.  If you are one of the only single people there it can feel VERY awkward.  It is nice to have the option to bring someone even if it is just a friend.

    I know not everyone has the budget for it or the space though.  Not trying to upset anyone that isn't allowing plus ones, but that is just my experience.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_plus-ones-slightly-different-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f8df4d56-48db-4e1c-b920-6b4ad93b7497Post:a2f378a4-07d1-4217-99fe-440c40ef75f8">Re: Plus Ones - Slightly Different Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]IMO I think everyone should have the option of a plus one.  I know a lot of people don't do this, but I have gone to many weddings when single. <strong> If you are one of the only single people there it can feel VERY awkward.  It is nice to have the option to bring someone even if it is just a friend.</strong> I know not everyone has the budget for it or the space though.  Not trying to upset anyone that isn't allowing plus ones, but that is just my experience.
    Posted by Sarah0335[/QUOTE]
    I can see where this would be awkward. The only single guests we have are guys (FI's friends from college) and they all know each other so they won't have any awkward feelings about not knowing anyone
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  • I am giving everyone a +1, as meg said it can make ya feel like a major third wheel if everyone is paired up. You said there will only be 3 single ladies so to me that sounds like most people are in a relationship so i would just extend a +1, especially since he is coming from out of town, you will probably get a decline or 2 of someone you accounted for so in the end it won't hurt. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_plus-ones-slightly-different-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f8df4d56-48db-4e1c-b920-6b4ad93b7497Post:53b2d932-eddf-49ac-be3d-cec17e5f1868">Re: Plus Ones - Slightly Different Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]Single guests don't need a plus one, so just be polite and I'm sure he'll understand.
    Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]

    This. We're doing the same thing, only people in relationships are allowed to bring SO. Our budget doesn't allow every single person to bring a plus one.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_plus-ones-slightly-different-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f8df4d56-48db-4e1c-b920-6b4ad93b7497Post:53b2d932-eddf-49ac-be3d-cec17e5f1868">Re: Plus Ones - Slightly Different Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]Single guests don't need a plus one, so just be polite and I'm sure he'll understand.
    Posted by midgetthemighty[/QUOTE]


    Ditto
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_plus-ones-slightly-different-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f8df4d56-48db-4e1c-b920-6b4ad93b7497Post:6c9a0d65-ad2e-4613-a855-3101ea148056">Re: Plus Ones - Slightly Different Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus Ones - Slightly Different Situation : This. We're doing the same thing, only people i,n relationships are allowed to bring SO. Our budget doesn't allow every single person to bring a plus one.
    Posted by ncd5015[/QUOTE]


    This! We originally wanted a 120 person invite list, and hoped for 90 attending, but we ended up with a 210 person invite list! We're now expecting 140-150 attendees. Ugh.

    There will also be lots of single guys at the wedding as most of FI's fraternity brothers will not get plus ones either, its just our female friends that have paired off. Does anyone have any sample wording of how to say this to him nicely?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_plus-ones-slightly-different-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f8df4d56-48db-4e1c-b920-6b4ad93b7497Post:a2f378a4-07d1-4217-99fe-440c40ef75f8">Re: Plus Ones - Slightly Different Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]IMO I think everyone should have the option of a plus one.  I know a lot of people don't do this, but I have gone to many weddings when single.  If you are one of the only single people there it can feel VERY awkward.  It is nice to have the option to bring someone even if it is just a friend. I know not everyone has the budget for it or the space though.  Not trying to upset anyone that isn't allowing plus ones, but that is just my experience.
    Posted by Sarah0335[/QUOTE]

    We are also allowing everyone +1. There is only a handful of people this applies too. Nor will they all even take up the plus one. I always hated being the only one without a date especially if I was traveling to the wedding.
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  • We are only giving plus ones to those in relationships.  Our basis for this (besides keeping the guest list down slightly) is that we want our wedding to be shared with those who mean a lot in our lives; we don't need random dates who we have never met before and will never see again.

    I would just politely explain that single guests are not getting dates due to your budget, venue, whatever.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_plus-ones-slightly-different-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f8df4d56-48db-4e1c-b920-6b4ad93b7497Post:aeb468f6-a7ce-42e8-9a8c-83a4ec8249ba">Re: Plus Ones - Slightly Different Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Plus Ones - Slightly Different Situation : This.  IMHO any guests you're inviting that are in a relationship should also get a +1.
    Posted by sleblanc72[/QUOTE]

    That goes without saying! :)

    I didn't realize that Zims and I shared the same opinion on this topic.
  • Oh I know Midge, well sometimes I'm not sure it doesn't need to be stated. :)

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_plus-ones-slightly-different-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:f8df4d56-48db-4e1c-b920-6b4ad93b7497Post:636a333a-9291-4b17-b7fc-51ad51bffb75">Re: Plus Ones - Slightly Different Situation</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh I know Midge, well sometimes I'm not sure it doesn't need to be stated. :)
    Posted by sleblanc72[/QUOTE]

    True story!
  • It sucks, we can't afford to give our single guests a plus one too (budget and capacity reasons).  Yes, if they are in a relationship when invites go out in May we'll gladly invite the SO.  Most of our single guests are family (well, MY family since there are no single people on FI's list except one elderly widow) and we are so close that having a plus 1 would actually be more awkward than not.  Having a date would actually keep us from enjoying parties.

  • edited January 2012
    I agree, a single guest does not need a + 1. In theory that would be great but it's just not happening nor is it possible.

    Now for us, anyone who is in a current relationship will have a +1. The only exception I made for my bridal party is to have a +1 regardless of their relationship status. I wanted them to be comfortable.

    My FI and I both have single friends on our list and I am hoping that they understand that we cannot give them a +1. So just kindly tell him that he wont have a + 1. I am sure he will completely understand.
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  • I've accounted for the possibility of each of our currently single guests entering into a relationship in the next few months. If they are truly single when the invites go out, however, we won't give them a +1. Everyone will know at least a few other people in attendance. Honestly, if I were single, I would feel awkward bringing a guest who I wasn't dating...unless maybe I knew NOBODY else there. I'm not sure I would even go to a wedding if the only person I knew was the bride or groom.
  • Everyone in a relationship will be extended a plus one.  I think it's pathetic to feel the need to bring someone random just because you are single.  You really can't hang out with all of your other mutual friends there without having someone to cling to? You won't be a 3rd wheel because, well, a wedding isn't date night for couples.  

    If I was invited to a wedding when I was single, and was extended a plus one, I would have had no idea who to bring. My friend the B&G doesn't even know? Weird.  If people invite everyone with a plus one, that's cool.  But I think it's lame to say you couldn't go alone.
  • I'm doing the same thing you are.  We are not giving single people +1s unless they are traveling and know no one. 

    I would just tell him he's not likely going to be able to get one and leave it at that.  He'll know others there so it won't be too awkward for him.
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