Advice Please

angelajerry813

I try not to complain but I really need advice.  My FI's brother got married a couple of years ago.  My son was barely walking and we traveled 10 hours to the wedding.  My thing was this wedding was cutting into our vacation money.  Several of us went but couldn't attend because we had children.  Upon arriving at their condo, everyone left and went to the hotel and then to the church.  They had no rehearsal dinner or anything.  At any rate, I asked the bride if I could see her when she was heading to the limo and she said she didn't want anyone to see her until she got to the church.  Well I just thought she was very unfriendly and rude.
NOW, I am planning my wedding and I want her to feel the same way she made me feel.  My future mother in law stated that she called me a THAT.  Since that time, she will ask FI about me but I am like you hates me for no reason so I don't want any conversation about her.  Her husband will be in the wedding party but I want her to have very limited dealings at the wedding.  I said I was not going to allow anyone in for rehearsal except the wedding party.  Also, I plan to put her at the back of the reception hall.  Do you all think I am wrong?  I want her to see how she made others including myself feel for her wedding.  I asked a few others was she rude in their opinion and they said both of them were rude and inconsiderate.  They didn't even provide water to guest and everybody traveled far distances to get there.

summerbride11

I feel the opposite. The best revenge is to be the bigger and kinder person, but not in a phony way.  I would make her feel as comfortable as you can... and add comments like..."FI  and I have been to weddings where it was so inconvenient for and expensive for us, so we wanted to make sure all of our guests are happy." (But in your words, of course). Make YOUR wedding better than hers..she will feel stupid.

MrsDorris2be

I totally agrre with Summer. You dont wan to look petty and stoop to her level.

angelajerry813

@!summerbride- I don't hate her but I don't appreciate the way she treated me particularly.  I don't want to be phony and if I had my way she wouldn't attend but that is another story.  Yes mine is going to be way better than hers.  I showed my matron of honor their video and I said FI wants his to be on their level.  I told her I don't want mine on their level because they had no decorations at the church,jumped over a regular house broom.  They had theirs at the Marriott so that was all that was in her favor from what I could see. 

angelajerry813

@MrsDorris2be- I will be the bigger person but I don't want to deal with her much at all.  Almost impossible to be the bigger person and not deal with her I guess.

summerbride11

I hear ya'...if it wasn't family, I wouldn't giva a damn about being the bigger person. In this case, because you have the in-laws and other family members who attended thier wedding as well, I think it would be less stressful for you to let this go. Don't let one person ruin your day. Let everyone see how happy you are as compared to the person she was on her day.

angelajerry813

Thanks summerbride.  I will take your advice.

MrsDorris2be

@angelajerry- I understand. Sometimes when you don't like someone, you don't even want them in your presence. But I would suggest to try and just grin and bear it for the day. You don't want such a joyous occasion to be overshadowed with tension and animosity.

MrClintonsFirstLady09

It would be so easy to be petty like this woman was to you when you attended her wedding. And the mere fact that she called you a "that" instead of what your name is also would make it even the more easier for you to show out but you know what? You are bigger than she is. As Summer and the other ladies have said kill her with kindness. The best revenge is to not get revenge. You can however limit your dealings with her. A cordial hello and keep it moving. Her husband is in the wedding so you will have to see her at the rehearsal dinner and all that. I know how you feeling. I don't like my FBIL's baby mama at all. But I can't exclude her from any of the wedding activities because FBIL is in the wedding. So I limit my interactions. I don't speak but I don't eyeball her or make her feel uncomfortable either.

amberlynned

IMO, you have enough to worry about with just planning your wedding. Don't even think about this woman! Let alone how miserable you can make her feel... I know getting even is fun sometimes, but I agree with the ladies. The best revenge is living well. Have a fun, beautiful, happy wedding and treat her just like you would treat any other guest. She doesn't have to be your MOH or anything, but believe me, if you try to get her back, she will win. You're spending time trying to figure out how to hurt her feelings and she probably didn't think about you once on her day!

My advice would be to let it go, pray, forgive her, and move on.... you have happier things to think about!

GL

tamtam7

I agree with previous posters.  Kill her with kindness. 

angelajerry813

@Mrs.ClintonFirst:  I am glad you can identify with how I feel.  I will speak and keep it moving like you suggested. 

@amberlynned:  Trust me I am not sitting around thinking of how to get even with her because there are a million and one ways to do that.  She probably didn't think about me on her wedding day and I wish I didn't have to deal with her on mine but that is another story.  I will follow the advice given and speak and keep it moving but that is as far as it goes.

marshaee2

I know how you feel, I would want to do the same, but I would put the best wedding on and give her a half FAKE smile and NEVER acknowlege or look  her way the enitre event.  Even if she open her mouth to speak I would look right thru her and never acknowlege her once!.