Pre Marital Counseling Update

Sophia1913

So FI's one and only task is to find us pre marital counseling.  Since we have moved to our area, we haven't found a church home yet but we had gone to this one church before and they told us they offered pre marital counseling once they found out we were engaged.  So FI called the Pastor and last night we met with him and his wife.  I really like them as a couple and I also liked what they had to say.  We only had 2 hang-ups.  First, they said they charge $100 per session and they said that it usually ends up being  a total of 8 to 10 sessions.  Secondly, they are such a beautiful couple however they just seem so different then what we are looking for.  I think we need someone that's gonna break down the nitty gritty of marriage.  Like how do you make it throw the storms.  How do you keep your marriage on track when things arent all that rosey and peachy.  Becuase let's be honest, its not always gonna feel like the honeymoon phase.  This couple kinda presented themselves as if they have yet to have an argument/disagreement in the 9 years that they've been married and I think we were just looking for a more realistic approach to marriage.

So with that being said, we've pretty much decided to shop around for more pre martial counselingbut my question is pricing?  I understand that some people may charge if you havent yet become a member of their church.  But I was just curios what other ladies experienes have been.  Is there a charge,  do you give a donation and what are you ladies thoughts on $100 a session?

TIA.

Ksk2012

Wow! so my church charges $70 for the entire session ( it is like four evenings or two full Saturdays. However, FI and I have started seeing a counselor through my medical insurance and we just pay a copay.  I searched on the Blue Cross website for a Black Male ( as FI requested) and we started going to meeting sessions. we found a psychologist we really like and have been going since May. We will also go to the church group, but that doesn't start until Jan 2012.

I think $100 is too much for my pocketbook

MarryingmyKnight

Wow!  I am an off and on member of the church and the pastor and his wife are doing our sessions for free. They even cooked us dinner last night.

Sophia1913

Thanks ladies.  I really appreciate this insight.  FI said right of the bat that $100 a session seemed outrageous and I most definitely agree.  By the time we finish it, we'd be looking at spending between $800-$1000!!!!!!

@Ksk2012- Thanks for the suggestion.  I hadn't thought about going through our insurance.  I should really look in to that. 

Sweetgnj

I am not a member of the church that the pastor who is counseling us and her charge is $250 which includes counseling, rehearsal, and performing the ceremony.  $100/session is WAY too much!

Soon2BSand

It depends on how you look at it. Why is it easy for us to drop $2000 on a dress but scoff at the idea of paying that much for counseling? If I could afford it and it would prove beneficial I'd do it. Now the fact that you don't know how beneficial the counseling is may be a reason to look elsewhere but the price wouldn't bother me. I'm coming from a totally different place being that my big brother is a Pastor and my future husband a minister. If you don't think they will provide anything valuable shop around... just please.please. compensate whomever for their time. Most of us wouldn't work one hour for free let alone ten or more. Edit: for grammar

bcbsbride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_pre-marital-counseling-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:10154fe7-8598-4bc8-9779-72c85c175638Post:23ef99d9-3b9d-4b63-ab2e-c484e7938e86">Re: Pre Marital Counseling Update</a>:
[QUOTE]It depends on how you look at it. Why is it easy for us to drop $2000 on a dress but scoff at the idea of paying that much for counseling? If I could afford it and it would prove beneficial I'd do it. Now the fact that you don't know how beneficial the counseling is may be a reason to look elsewhere but the price wouldn't bother me. I'm coming from a totally different place being that my big brother is a Pastor and my future husband a minister. If you don't think they will provide anything valuable shop around... just please.please. compensate whomever for their time. Most of us wouldn't work one hour for free let alone ten or more. Edit: for grammar
Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

This. For most pastors this is their job and they should be compensated for doing it.

[Deleted User]

$100 an hour is absurd for pastoral counseling. For that money, you could go to an actual licensed and trained Family and Marital therapist.  Which is what fiance and I choose to do.

Soon2BSand

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_pre-marital-counseling-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:10154fe7-8598-4bc8-9779-72c85c175638Post:6f23974d-e3cb-42ea-a5d9-138ea6a1d6dd">Re: Pre Marital Counseling Update</a>:
[QUOTE]$100 an hour is absurd for pastoral counseling. For that money, you could go to an actual licensed and trained Family and Marital therapist.  Which is what fiance and I choose to do.
Posted by winniethepiglet[/QUOTE]

Why is that so absurd? (Serious Question)

Sophia1913

I'm glad I asked this. This thread is proving to be very insightful.

No, I can agree with PPs as we did discuss that at the meeting.  That the venue, food, cake, dress, etc are all "temporary" things that we spent money money and will be over and done with after the wedding day comes and goes and this is something that will provide us with the backbone and foundation of a good solid marriage but the manner in which pricing and their fees was presented I guess threw us off a little.

Soon2BSand

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_pre-marital-counseling-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:10154fe7-8598-4bc8-9779-72c85c175638Post:0bbc5abf-0b90-4f31-adfe-e345f7deb3ae">Re: Pre Marital Counseling Update</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm glad I asked this. This thread is proving to be very insightful. No, I can agree with PPs as we did discuss that at the meeting.  That the venue, food, cake, dress, etc are all "temporary" things that we spent money money and will be over and done with after the wedding day comes and goes and this is something that will provide us with the backbone and foundation of a good solid marriage but the manner in which pricing and their fees was presented I guess threw us off a little.
Posted by Sophia1913[/QUOTE]

No problem :) That's what we're here for..

prncsz

We got married by the pastor that I had at that time since the age of 9. Pre-marital counseling is a requirement for him to marry and there is no fee as a long as you are a member. I would continue looking 100.00 a session for 8 to 10 sessions is a bit much, but that's just my opinion.

Ksk2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_pre-marital-counseling-update?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:10154fe7-8598-4bc8-9779-72c85c175638Post:66ced911-654a-4db3-b960-c92ba0567a85">Re: Pre Marital Counseling Update</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Pre Marital Counseling Update : Why is that so absurd? (Serious Question)
Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]


I think it is a bit high, especially per session; to me. That would be too high for a medical professional in my opinion too!  To have another bill of $100 for 9 payments, I couldn't handle while planning a wedding.  I know some people think the church runs on God's word and not money and actually it runs on both! But I believe the church, like all other organizations should price according to competition and not our price themselves under the name of being the  "church."

As previously said, you should check into what all you are getting for $100 per session. Is it just talking or are materials included ( but still I wonder what kind of materials for $100) and what else? If you come for the 9 sessions and you have some kinks in a year can you return to them for free later? Like they do for test prep workshops?

Marriage is important and we spend a lot (time and emotion) on every aspect of the wedding and marriage, but I know I couldn't commit to that price for counseling. I would have to keep looking.

Are you sure it is $100 per session at 9 sessions? Or $100 for the whole thing and there are 9 sessions. <--- that would even be too cheap to me

[Deleted User]

Because that is on par with what one would pay out of pocket for a one hour session with a trained and licensed psychologist or therapist. IMO, one should always spend one's money wisely and to pay more for less is, imo, absurd. Without going into too much detail about my life outside of the knot, I'm very familiar with the counseling training that most pastors receive and in my opinion, it's not worth anyone paying $100 per hour. However, if they can find someone to pay those prices, then good for them. That's how capitalism works. However, I wouldn't and I certainly wouldn't recommend that others do,.

chescam

When we contacted the pastor who was recommended to us, I asked him about the length of sessions and pricing etc. He gave me his requirements but said the cost was free. I really couln't believe it because he went out of his way to accommodate our schedule. One of our friends was also receiving couseling from him around the same time and  I asked him how much he was paying. He told me the pastor does not accept money. I really think that the pastor did an awesome job. He's doing a fundraiser for his new church building project next month and we'll donate  to that. 

I think that you should set a budget for this. If you have married friends, ask for a recommendation, or even ask your local board for help. I see that you live in Orange county, I can PM you the number for my old chuch in Southern Cali (about 1hr from you though). They conduct  8-10 week sessions. I think it starts off as a group then branches out  or you can ask the head pastor to directly counsel you. Good luck