Defined Roles?? Long!

Mrs.JKforever

So someone posted thi on facebook... I have a question for you all today. When you are in a relationship with someone, men: as a man (her man) what do you think your roles and responsibilities are; women: what do you think the roles and responsibilities of a man (your man) should be? Someones response: Daniella, being married I guess this may not be the answer you... Read More’re looking for but it's worth a shot. I feel my husband role in our house is to work and provide enough financial backing to pay for ALL of our expenses. He should be loving and supportive of my wants and desires as long as they don’t get in the way of my responsibilities to our home. My role is to cook, clean, and provide a loving home to raise children. If I choose to work or need to work then I will as long as there are no children. That sounds like the 1950's I know but I really believe that this is the way God intended our homes to be run. If it’s not this way then I'm not sure I know anything else. My Mom raised me to be this way and I wouldn’t change it for the world. My response: In a relationship there aren't any defined roles. We pick and choose our own roles in our relationship and they tend to differ from one relationship to the next. Personally if I had the choice to stay home or work, I would surely choose working over staying at home anyday. I crave the independence and fullfillment that it brings to my life. What are your opinions?

Ladysun083

umm, exactly what you said.

OFF

The FI and I don't have defined roles, we do what we most feel comfy doing. I'm a neat freak so I end up doing all the cleaning, which could be seen as woman's work. He's handy so he does all the stuff around the house that needs fixing installing etc, once again falling into stereotype. He always drives and always pays, I always plan and schedule our social life. We didn't plan it along gender lines but it's kind of fallen in line that way. One thing we did decide that is definitely a defined role is that when the time comes to have kids I will be a stay at home mom. We're fortunate enough to be able to afford it and decided that is how we wanted to raise our family. But no matter what are roles are we both know who is the boss of our family, our cat Espn.

dst10spr97

We don't have any set defined roles per se, but I am sort of old fashoined in a way. I believe that a man is the king of his castle and I respect him as such. But that's because he gives me all the respect and love to where I don't have to worry about issues such as that. He treats me like a Queen and I treat him like a King. We both share in the cooking and the housework. But I do believe that a woman should know how to and be willing to cook and clean as well. I know some trifling women that don't even work and don't do nothing at home either. I also believe that if I chose not to work then he should be able to provide for the household. I choose to work because Sallie Mae Student Loans tells me that I have to :-) Plus I like my independence as well and having my own funds.

blue19violet

"Personally if I had the choice to stay home or work, I would surely choose working over staying at home anyday. I crave the independence and fullfillment that it brings to my life." - You've pretty much taken those words out of my mouth. As far as defined roles, this does not really exist in our marriage. Dave knows I hate to do laundry but he doesn't mind it. As such, he is taking the lead on it. I appreciate it, but don't expect it from him every single time. I prefer to clean the bathroom because that's how I can be sure that it will be cleaned to my standards. He doesn't really care one way or the other, so I'm taking the lead on it. We sort of take an equal (or as close to it as we can) role with other duties.

EliNick

I agree with you 100%.  I especially feel that if a woman has to be out in the work force then the man can help us out in the home.  It's a give and take.  Your role is whatever you and your mate define it to be.  I think God will be happy as long as you both are holding up your part of the bargain, whatever that may be.

withmike

My husband and I work together.  I too do not have any defined roles.  Mike likes to bbq, clean the kitchen and the cars etc.  I like to clean the bathroom and the bedrooms.  We share the cooking.  We both work outside the home.  I love my job as a teacher so I couldnt imagine staying at home.  Even after we have our kids, I will be working outside the home.  We are still very independent but compliment each other as well.

aquarius125

In our relationship we do us! We do what works for us. Some ppl don't understand it but what we do works. Do I feel that my FI should be able to change the oil in my car or at least make sure its done? YES Do I cook everyday? NO  Is he suppose to support his family? YES do I have is back? 100% We work together to accomplish our goals.  I haven't started nothing during the dating phase or this engaged phase that I know I can't maintain during our marriage. Well IMHO, I believe that a woman should always have her own $ the day you don't will be a sad day! B/c we hope and pray for longevity (sp) in our marriage but the reality is that you never know! I know plenty of women who are unhappy as he!! but the stay b/c of the lifestyle and they don't have the means to support themselves. Real talk I asked my FI for a prenupt and that's the truth. I am not saying that it is about money or materialisms b/c I am far from that but the reality is I have worked my a$$ off and do I think FI would try to take advantage NO but I have to be prepared. You know like that stash acct in ur mommy name If something was to happen I want me and my future children to be alright. But like I said to each his/her own.

candydip

I tried to stay from with the babies and that did not work. Drove me crazy!!!!!!  To me it is harder to stay at home than to go to work. I hate washing dishes so that is his job and he can't wash clothes that well so that's my job. Whoever seen a pair of silver and white panties turn faded white and pale pink in a white wash, WTH???!!!!

romeys_bride

I agree that these days roles are reversed all the time. I may be the breadwinner one day and Rome cokks and cleans.... as long as the household dont suffer, i am down for whatever!

browniebride09

Totally agree Jk!!candy, what in the world!!! LMAO That's to funny!

cris10c

We don't really have defined roles either. Like pp I take it upon myself to fill some of the "traditional roles" like cooking and cleaning (most of the time) but it is because that is what I want to do not because I have to. I also fix his plate and get his drink when we eat (unless we're eating out). People don't understand it but (to me) it is part of treating him like my King and taking care of him.

rhodesign

I think all the responses here show that most people do what feels natural and not what's 'defined.' I'm very much a feminist and I do not like the idea of a 'woman's role' or a 'man's role.' It's a partnership--you make it even in whatever way works. If it happens to fall under traditional roles, fine, but don't feel it has to be that way. I don't think God or anybody else for that matter cares so long as people love and support each other and don't put outlandish demands on each other as to what they should and should not be doing. I too would go absolutely insane as a stay at home parent. If I'm at home, I'm going to be working from home too. I can't do just one thing!

trevette1981

Interesting question. I do think they differe from relationship to relationship. We're not defined overall, but in certain areas we are. We don't live together, but he does things to my car when I need it and when I cook for us, I always fix his place and his drink. I do feel like he should be the main provider for our family when we have one, while I still plan to work (before kids). I guess that just comes from how I grew up. I have no problem being a stay at home mom, in fact we talk about this because I don't want my kids in a daycare. I teach Pre-K now, with a Masters in Education, so I'm pretty sure I can teach them.LOL.  I plan to have them on a schedule,etc so when they go to K, they will be ahead.

pinkpanther_truck

This is a great post. Every relationship is different, but I'm always intrigued to see how people make theirs work. For us... my "role" (if you will) is to create an environment in our home that he doesn't want to leave in the morning and looks forward to coming to in the evening. Yes, I maintain the household cleaning, cooking, washing... but I'm also consciously supportive and make an effort to have a great attitude (NO matter how bad my day may have been) and be emotionally stable. I study him as he grows and changes to learn what motivates and uplifts him.I make sure that he knows that I respect him.His "role" (gosh, I'm really not big on titles) is to provide and protect for our family. He is the decision maker (with my input, of course... since I uplift him, he trusts my opinions). He is the breadwinner. He expresses love to me and strives to understand and meet my needs (my basic needs are to know that our finances are taken care of, to feel safe, feel desired, and have a friend I can hang out with).Overall, we strive to serve one another. Sometimes that means, he has to figure out dinner because I'm working later; other times that means he just listens to me as a friend (not trying to "fix" the problem, just letting me talk until I feel better).I've become a more of a traditonalist and it's actually smoothed out some of the kinks of our relationship. He don't butt heads as much because we're not in a constant power struggle... Now, we complete one another rather than compete with one another.Books that really helps us create a foundation for our relationship: His Needs, Her NeedsLove and RespectThe Five Love Languages