African American Weddings
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FH ex

Hello all, Did any of you have to deal with your future husband’s ex finding out you are getting married? IF so do you have any advice? My FH has a 5 year old son.  MY FH told her a year ago that we are getting married. I know his son has mentioned the wedding cake to her however I bake cakes on the side so he has been talking about the cake for a year already, so she has ignored anything that he says about the wedding. I am getting married in April. My FMIL has advice us to wait until April to tell Annie, because it will just ruin the experience of planning my wedding and I should enjoy this time. Relationship wise we are polite however Annie always brought up to me that my FH never took her on a date and how FH treats me. So I know Annie will not be happy. In a perfect world I would not mind Annie at the wedding with a date however my FMIL advises against that too. I also know it is not my job to tell Annie I just want advice. Do you have any advice from you experience? This is my first post on this board I am sorry if I am longwinded or if you have discussed this already, I just do not know where else to turn as I do not know anyone getting married to someone with a child.

Re: FH ex

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    edited December 2011
    My best advice to you is to definitely wait. I have two future step daughters (Ages 13 and 14). For the first time last week their mother saw me with them and their father (My FI) and Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, she went off. Not on me but to his mother. His mother told us all about it. My FI Ex has not been a very good mother to his girls. She only gets them when it's convenient for her. She told his mother that, she (meaning I) have no right, those are her babies. I'm not trying to steal her babies. In fact I told his daughters straight up that I can never replace their biological mother but I can be there for them when ever they need me to be.The girls went with their mother last week, and the oldest one returned from her with a changed mindset of me. She told her father that she don't want to talk to me anymore. I did nothing to the girl. Before their mother took them everything was just fine between us. I did so much for her, and she even started calling me Mama. I know it's the mother who put her up to it but still. A lot of unecessary drama/stress have fallen on my shoulders and I didn't even go looking for it.So, my advice to you is it's BEST to WAIT. Save any potential drama/stress.
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    edited December 2011
    Proverbs31, so when are you going to tell you FI ex?
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    edited December 2011
    Because its me, I would say let him tell her when he wants/ is ready to tell her, I knw some may not agree but I don't feel the need to deal with ex's. My FI has 2 kids and me and the mom have no contact just hi if we see each other, he can deal with her I could go without the lights, camera, action I'm sure she may know we are gettng married but I could care less if she doesn't, the good thing is that she lives 2 hrs away
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with Ladysun. I would let him tell her. My FI has a son w/his ex wife and I'm sure he has told him mom that we are getting married because the heffa went back to court to get more money. And in her court documents she stated tha since FI was getting married she felt as though my income should be included! Thanks to our attorney she didn't get a increase. I try my best not to deal with her. I say hi & bye that's it! She's not worthy of my conversation.
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    edited December 2011
    Well my FI has primary custody. He would tell her, i was just wondering in your experiance was there a good time,  Iwas thinking the week after when the moving trucks are moving my stuff into the house. She lives near by and  with Facebook and stuff she will probably find out when our website goes up.
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    edited December 2011
    Shawnee-I don't talk to my FI EX so I won't and can't tell her. He is also the primary custodial parent. It's not by choice though that I don't talk to her. FI refuses to even talk to her. His mother handles everything when it comes to his EX/the children, and when she decides she wants to see the children which is once in a while. FI doesn't even want to put up with the drama of the ex. So, his mother has volunteered to be the person in the middle to keep peace.If I did have a choice though I personally wouldn't tell her. I would let my FI tell her.  
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