Having second thoughts.....(extra long)

miss2mrscj

I need some help ya'll! FI parents had a family gathering on Monday. I attended like I always do. However is cousins FI was there and she and I can't stand eachother. To make a long story short this heffa came at my future stepson sideways so I went to her in a ladylike manor and this GHETTO HOODRAT start popping off! I walked away trying to avoid DRAMA. But NOOOO this heffa walked up on me still popping off..Some words were exchanged,earrings were removed...lol.. no blows...lol...FI stepped in and escorted me to my car. My problem is FI mom is has stated to several of her gossiping family members that I was wrong for calling the hoodrat a welfare B*&^% & telling her she was beneath me! And FI need to get me under control because I think I'm better than them...blah blah blah. FI asked me to call and apologize and I did and this B*&!@ had the never to say I had no right to say anything to her(the ghetto hoodrat) about my stepson because I was NOT his mom and it wasn't my place...I politely said ok...I was just apologizing because your son asked me to and have a nice day and hung up my phone!My mom is pissed and feels like we should put our marriage on hold until we work out this issue with his mom...It's nothing to work out I can't stand her A$$ period.  FI wants to continue on with the wedding. I don't have a good feeling about it anymore! Please help...Sorry if there are any typos I'm a little pissed!

jonsmeshondra

I see that your FI asked you to apologize. Did he do this because he just wanted to try to keep the peace or was he upset that you said something??In my opinion,if your FI didnt have a problem with you defending his son/your step son,  then everyone else can GET OVER IT!!Although it's not easy, dont let other people's opinions get in the way of the marriage to the person you love. He's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with!! I've had a similar situation. My mom flat out went off on my FI because of something he said to my daughter probably a year prior. He didnt yell or scream at her. What he told her was for her own safety AND my daughter understood.  My mom just didnt' appreciate it.  So my mom had been carrying this grudge around for an entire year!! At that point, I thought HE would bail but didnt since my mom had already made it apparent that she didnt particularly care for him.Again, although you are marrying INTO his family, you are not marrying his family. Talk it over with him. Be honest and let him know how you feel. I wish you the best!!I feel like I kinda rambled but hope that helps!!

Ladysun083

I also agree, other peoples opinions really do not matter or shouldn't in this case.  It is good that you were the bigger person and apologized yada yada (even if she was a hood, lol).   But IMHO I do not think that this is anything to reconsider your marriage over, it was just a small spat, if FI got over it and you got over it, really thats all that matters, dont involve others in your realationship.  GL

Shaunta A.

Girl you better marry your man!!! I can't stand FI family to tough either but I'm not marrying them. Therefore I wouldn't care what they thought nor how they feel. Sorry that's just me. They just rude!!!

mahoganieyes

Do not let his family intervene! Misery loves company! When it come to family, just be cordial and keep it moving. You don't have to add anymore to that.

dst10spr97

I agree with the previous posters. Although in a perfect world we want to get along with our in-laws, you are marrying him not them. They probably want nothing more than to see you call off your wedding. As someone already stated, misery loves company. Yes you were the bigger person but sometimes people can push our buttons until we have to go there. And I hate when people get mad and tell me I think I'm better than them. I want to say "yup, I sure am, you just proved it". Honey the only person you have to answer to is your husband and Jesus. Everybody else can holla back.

alfdallas21

I agree with pp, do not let his family determine how you feel about FI...if you feel as though FI did not understand your reaction to his cousin, then talk it out with him and if you and FI have already discussed this matter and both of y'all are on the same accord and agree that your action was warranted - then screw his fam...this is something that I learned personally -- you cannot let the in-laws influence your relationship with your FI...you & FI will be a single unit soon and therefore, y'all are in it together and that's something that FI must understand and agree to accept going forward...now you know EXACTLY where you stand with FMIL & his fam...so K.I.M. and do YOU and marry that man of yours...HTH and GL! 

brobin01

wow..this is such a touchy subject. First off, hats off to you for stepping in as a steping in as a "parent". so what you aren't his mother, you are his son to be step mom and that needs to be respected. But I wouldn't say put plans on hold b/c of what happened with fam. As long as your FI supports you and was thankful for you stepping in and having his son's back, it shouldnt interrupt your wedding plans. But if their is an issue between you and FI, than yeah, think about it. But try not to act out of anger. FI mom has issues. IMO and that hood rat auntie has issues too! wow.

MrClintonsFirstLady09

First of all, I am so sorry you are going thru what you are going thru. I hope by the time you read my response to all of this, you have found some solice or peace. You know I am always the last one to respond to stuff lol. Now onto the dilemma at hand. Sorry so long (telling you ahead of time but this one is a mess).You will not and I repeat WILL NOT call off your wedding because of this. I have not read what everyone else wrote but I am going to tell you what I feel. I hate ghetto mess. I do. I seperate myself from things like. It is not a healthy or fair start for you and your FI. For his mother to intervene the way she did, I am safely going to assume this is FI's first cousin (i.e. her sister or brother's child), not a distant relative. His mother should not have in any way, shape, form, or fashion gotten in the middle of that. You are with her son. She should have taken a different approach to the whole situation. She should have been woman enough to come to you to find out what happened and then try to speak to you directly without going behind your back running her mouth to her relatives. That is a hot mess and a recipe for disasterous things to come if you and his mom do not come to a neutral ground. Being that you and the cousin alreay have animosity with each other, this was a volcano waiting to erupt anyway. The opportunity presented itself when she came at your FI's son in what you felt was a disrespectful manner. I understand you wanting to correct her for doing so especially since this is a child for one but mainly it was not her child to speak to that way. I get it. But with all the tension between you two I would have just let FI handle it or just have the son distant himself from FI's cousin while at this family function. Remember you are the outsider right now. As ghetto as this chick may have been I do not think that you should have called her out like that. I know you were heated and mad but sometimes when we are mad we will speak the truth like drunk men. I, too, have been guilty of doing it also but I learned as I got older, there are better ways of making ignant folks look just that, IGNANT without all the name calling. This woman apparently has a major issue with you and since this is her family, you are really in a lose lose situation if FI is not the voice of reason for you.Now I am going to go back to my original statement and say DO NOT CANCEL YOUR WEDDING BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED! That is admitting wrong and defeat and I would not give neither of them the satisfaction. You are marrying FI, not his family. If you really feel like his family does not really care for you then what you need to do is discuss other options with FI. Go to the JOP and have a nice honeymoon, or do a destination wedding (if it is financially possible for the two of you) and try for a nice reception at a later date. If you do not want these two options and you really want the wedding you have been planning, then I suggest that you go to FI's mom and try to smooth this over so that his family will be there for him willingly. Not because he is getting married and it's their obligation. Trust me, having two families who have issues coming together for a wedding is a recipe for disaster and no one will have a good time. My half brother's wedding was like that and trust me when I say, I felt so bad for him and his wife that day. It was miserable. So really what you do is on you but I would say take the high road and work this out with his mom. I know you don't care for her, and I understand that totally but just to keep the peace, and for you and FI's relationship, try. HTH

MrsJJohnson2B

Sorry you are going through this! Dont sweat the small stuff. FI is over it, you moved on! dont worry! It was nice that you went back to apologize! I see your moms point but all in all people are going to be people! Why kill your joy! That will make her happy, that yall hold off your wedding! For that case she may never ever like you and what you dont deserve to be married! You deserve it DOnt Allow NO Devil on Hell or ON Earth Kill your Joy! The minister says What God has put together allow no Man/ Woman separate! Be Blessed~ Cyber Hugs~~~

miss2mrscj

Thanks Ladies!!! My heart is really heavy over this issue! I think I'm hurt because I thiught his mom and I had a better relationship! Oh Well !!!I guess I was wrong...lol...I'm over it!

KimRhone

If you and the FI still want to get married then get married. Understand that you are marrying him not his mom or cousin. If you FI didn't have anything to say about you defending in son/your step son then no one else should have a problem with it. My FI's family and I are at odds myself right now. They have this whole notion of how to do a wedding "right". What we should and shouldn't be doing. I have a problem saying how I feel and not caring how it comes out. Do what will make you and FI happy not his family.