Counseling

mycicybride

We talk alot about big investments like photog and decor etc. Y'all know I am guilty of that. But in the past few weeks I have taken some time to reflect on everything...and have come up with this conclusion...I think the single most investment FI and I can make in this whole wedding prep is the marriage counseling. We are looking for counselors now and I encourage all of my AAW knottie divas to consider it too. Please weigh in on your counseling experiences.Love y'all.Ci

khaligumbs

Hello mycicybride: You are talking the truth when it comes to wedding planning. You can get caught up in all the glamour.  I believe it is very important to attend pre-marital counseling.  At the age of 31 we are fortunate enough to know what is important.  A wedding last a day but if you want your marriage to last you have to work at it.  FI and started our counseling session two weeks ago.  The first session was so great!  We did a lot of listening...which we all know can be difficult at times.  Our counselor/pastor has given us a notebook to complete by our next session.  We are going back on Monday night.  So far so good.  It has helped us a great deal so far.

clross01

FI and I start our pre-martial sessions next month.. Since I started the planning this has been at the top of my list. It took the FI a little nudging to see my point. After talking about it we both agreed that this something we need since neither one of us know anything about how to make a marriage work and last...

pinkpanther_truck

Yes! Yes! YES!! You are sooooo right. We started counseling in August and are scheduled to finish in November. It's a 13-week course offered by our church that explores all aspects of marriage. It's been soooo beneficial to our relationship, especially in our efforts to keep God at the center of it. When I look at it, really, $120 is a small price to pay to spark conversations and head off potential challenges before the wedding. Things that we were unaware we had differences on: Who's the bigger spender? How will we handle birth control? What does it mean to leave ones mother/father and cleave to his/her mate? These are just a few and we're only about halfway through the class.

MrClintonsFirstLady09

I think counseling is benificial in the long run. It is a small price to pay to prevent issues and preserve the sanctity and institution of marriage. I think that is a smart idea for you and FI. The minister contacted us this afternoon for a schedule that works for my work schedule so we can start ours and we are looking forward to it.

KimRhone

At first I was like why do people get counseling, if it is meant to be then it will be. But we decided that we will get counseling and we start next saturday. I am excited and nervous all in 1. I do encourage other brides to do this because it will help in the long run. Good luck finding a counselor

trevette1981

We aren't enaged yet, but when we initally started talking marriage, that was the first thing we would do. We're looking into counselors at his church now since we live near it, but my church is an hour away. A lot of people do need to go through it because some think they have discussed everything and sometimes you may find something new that hasn't.

trevette1981

I meant, that's the first thing we will do.LOL. I'm tired, my brain is fried.lol

tippytoe1981

I definitely think that counseling is a good investment not only before the wedding day, but afterwards too. We did our pre-marital counseling session with our pastor and we had to complete 4 sessions before he married us. it was good. he gave both of us a questionnare that consisted of about 100 questions. we were to answer the questions without the help of our future spouse. the questions were very simple, but did help you think about the big things as well as little things as far as expectations in the future marriage. it even asked questions from what type of decor style would you like your first house to be to asking what physical thing we would wish to change about our future spouse (weight, hair, etc.). for some of the questions, we were very similar and others we were complete opposites. he also identified some things that may be an issue and he advised us to talk about them. in the end, he gave us our tests back and allowed us to read the other's comment. i also enjoyed listening about what the Bible says about marriage, sex with our spouse, family, faith, and money. i highly recommend it!

winter443

We started our pre-marital counseling 2 weeks ago.  It's 4 sessions total and we're going to our second session next week.  I think it is a great thing! You really get to talk about each others expectations and what it really takes to make a marriage last.Our counseling is through our church.  It's a requirement to have these sessions in order for them to perform your marriage ceremony but I'm glad we have to take them because it's so beneficial and it's free. I encourage everyone to have pre-marital counseling!

Blkswnn

We will be going to marriage couseling.  One there are a required 12 sessions by the Pastor before he marries us, but we are also opting for another 3rd party.  We just think there are some things that we may not want to discuss with the Pastor.  I think it is definitely a good investment for the marriage to be successful.

Lovie 129

You are so right. We have started our counseling b/c we have issues that aren't bad, just different. We are of different faiths so we talk about what faith to raise our children in. He's retired military, I'm laid back, parenting is diff for us. Not to mention finances, how we will handle things if one of us lost our jobs, when I start working of course.Counseling is huge. You talk about things that you never considered before. Great for you to do that. That is the best way to begin open and honest communication.

sdstephens2010

FI and I completed our last class on today, which lasted 9 weeks. We are required to attend at least 2 more sessions of individual training sessions, before we get married. We have learned so much about ourselves and each other. I would definitely recommend couseling to all couples. There are some that discover that they could be potentially marrying someone for the wrong reasons or someone who God has not purposely designed for them.

lca315girl

We're required to do it in ordered to be married in the church we're wanting to get married in, but required or not we both wanted to do counseling. We'll start our sessions at the beginning of the year.

Syrenati

we are definitely doing it. We weren't supposed to start our pre-marraige counseling until july but the pastor wants to move it up so we get more out of it and talk about ways to be of service in the church as a couple... I have always wanted to get the counseling and once Fi understood it wasnt a regular therapist doing it, was on board to. I would recommend anyone to get it. It can't hurt and it definitely will help.

Deidra123

I wholeheartedly agree. I raised the question about counseling in the Atlanta thread and pretty much, it was crickets. That's a shame. Anyway, yes, all of this is for the MARRIAGE, not the WEDDING so I'm all on board with the counseling and FI actually brought it up first, so I was very happy about that. We start in November. Wedding in June. We aren't Christians and aren't required to have counseling by a pastor (as we aren't using a pastor) but it just makes sense and therefore we are making ourselves do it. We invest time in school in learning about whatever our major is, we invest time at work about learning about whatever our job is, why wouldn't we invest time in counseling to learn about marriage and how we will meld our lives together, financially, spiritually, family-wise, extended family-wise, etc.? Our marriages are worth that so I hope that everyone considers getting counseling. Also, we wanted someone who had studied the craft top to bottom so that is another reason that we aren't going with a spiritual leader. While a spiritual leader has studied the spiritual side of things, I just don't think that a spiritual leader is going to be as thorough and have as much expertise as a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist, which do it for a living. Just another viewpoint.We are using a financial planner that I know well for financial counseling.  He is going to do a 10 page survey with us, we are going to put all our thoughts about investing, saving, etc. on the table and try to meld them together, figure out how we'll manage money, sort out the issue of accounts, etc.  We are also coming to the table with the most recent credit reports, investment statements, etc. so that we will both be completely up to date on the other's assets, liabilities, most recent fico score, etc. 

DeeDee40

My FI and I just did our first pre-martial counseling session this past week. I am in agreement with what you all said. I beleive that itis the best investment that we could make. Just the one session gave us a lot to talk about and a lot to consider. We have 11 more to go and we both are looking forward to learning more about each other and how to make our marriage work.

ehampto

We actually just started our pre-marital counseling sessions 2 weeks ago and it was so interesting the first session just to know what we would be discussing in the upcoming weeks. I love our counselors. Our counseling is through our church to. Because the wedding is in Ohio and we live in Atlanta, my pastor who is performing our ceremony just hooked us up with his good friend here and her church is helping us with our counseling. We always have homework every week. Like last week we did a questionare about the roles of a wife that he and I have to complete. Lol, next week we will do the same for the roles of a husband. I love how we discuss what God has to say about every aspect of the marriage. I would recommend counseling to everybody because I know we will learn so much and it will allow you to get everything out in the open. HTH

nubiannqween

Pre-martial counseling sessions...that is something  FI and I are going to do. Both of us are of the same christian faith yet, neither of us are really "religious" (for lack of a better work), basically we don't go to church every Sunday. We don't have "home" church that we are members of, so I really don't know where to start to find a good place for pre-martial counseling sessions. Any suggestions?

Lovie 129

Deidra,We aren't using a spiritual counselor either. We decided to go with a pro. marriage counselor because as you said the training and expertise they come with. FI has been talking to my cousin though, he is a rabbi, to get a better understanding of the Jewish faith. FI is catholic, so our religious views traditionally don't blend. The financial piece is a must, I agree with that too. I was always taught to live off no more than 35% of my income and FI was in military, so alot was done for him. He's very good with money (tight), don't get me wrong, but things like, how many accounts will we have, a marriage is not 50-50 financially, we have to budgets according to our own salary. What to do with disposible income are very important questions to get out of the way....and the credit, OMG, not many people know once you get married, your reports get married too. I would hate to have my good credit score lowered b/c FI has a bad score, that happens all the time.

mycicybride

Thanks, ladies for weighing in. We are not doing ours with a spiritual counselor but a clinical psychologist that specializes in marital counseling. I am so happy to hear that others are investing in counseling because if nothing else it may open up a dialog to discuss potential issues.

trevette1981

D123 (Didn't want to misspell your name!)That's why we were looking at the counselors at his church. They are actual counselors and went to school for it. (his church is bigger than my small town church.lol) Although I am a practicing Christian, I don't want someone without the proper education. I didn't even know you could look up counselors and get ones who practice under particular faiths until I got counseling for another reason a few years ago. I'm so late.LOL

Crystalis77

We had our first session this past friday.  It is a group class with the pastor and the first lady.  It was a very good session and we are looking forward to the ongoing sessions.  It is once a month for 6 months.  We are working out of this book titled Preparing for Marriage by Dennis Rainey.  The book had various project in it that get some really good discussions for you and your FI.  We started talking about stuff that we wouldnt normally talk about but should have been. 

lolo70

we start our premarital sessions next week. we have to attend 3 sessions. i am excited and scared as well. i know this will help us in the long run.