What do I do About Step-children

Ms. fairytale wedding

Is not liking my FI's little boy reason to not get married? My FI has two boys, the baby gives me no problems. The oldest is the issue. It is like he challenges everything I do. He always has something to say and if I ask him to do something it is always "My mama lets me do this" or " My daddy lets me do this". My FI asked me if I treated his kids like my own. I had to honestly tell him NO! I would be a lot more strict with my children. My child would not be aloud to do HALF the things he lets his oldest do. I am really struggling with this because I love children. I don't want him to end up like some of the disrespectful children that I teach everyday.

sdstephens2010

I think you guys should go to counseling before the wedding. Children from previous relationships have been known to break up marriages! You also need to make plans to spend time with his son and develop a relationship with him. Also, allow his father to do all of the disciplining.

dst10spr97

Definitely pray about it first of all. Secondly sit down and talk with your fiance about the issue you are having and discuss plans for discipline, etc. Does he live with you guys? Your fiance has to understand that you are the woman of the house and you will not tolerate any disrespect from any children rather or not you gave birth to them. Please try to get this worked out now because I agree with the previous poster. I have seen it happen. But don't give up the love of your life behind this. I had to have that talk with my fiance. He has a 7 year old daughter. She's autistic and because of that they let her get away with doing stuff she shouldn't have and they baby her. Some stuff she doesn't understand but sometimes she manipulates them. I come from the old school of knocking a kid the f*** out, excuse my language but of course she doesn't belong to me. But he lets me discipline her and reinforces my punishments when she does wrong. And she respects me for it in the end. It's hard because she goes back to her mom and sometimes has a set back, that's why I was curious if they lived with you. It will work out my sister. Mixed families are so hard aren't they? By the way how old is he?

Ms. fairytale wedding

He is 9 and he doesn't live with us. he comes every other weekend. My FI says that he loves how i disipline, but at the same time it's not the same coming from me. If daddy says jump he jumps, no questions asked. If I say something it is always questioned. He trys to get over on me. When I ask for FI's input, all he says is "If you have handled it then that's all that needs to be done." BUT NO...... I need that daddy back up. That's the part that FI doesn't understand.

trevette1981

I'm glad I read your last post before I answered. I think all of y'all need to sit down and discuss discipline together. With the son around. I'm assuming he's acting out because you aren't his mom, but he needs to understand that you are there to stay. I don't know his mom, but you never know if she is putting this stuff in his ear to make him act up since y'all are getting married.Also agree with counseling.

Ms. fairytale wedding

I think that's a part of it also. He took it upon his self to start calling me mama, then it abruptly stopped. Later on my FI told me that he called me that in a conversation with his mother. She told him that she was his only mother and that I would never be. I had no problem with that (seeing as how I was never comfortable with him calling me mama any way). But that is also when I started noticing the problems more and more.

dst10spr97

Yes you definitely need for him (the child) to see his father reinforcing your disciplinary actions. My stepdaughter used to try to be slick and go ask her father after I say no. But she soon found out that whatever I say goes. I just have to make sure everything is openly communicated with him.