African American Weddings

SHOULD I FEEL BAD? (KIND OF LONG)

When my FI asked me to marry him I decided that my step dad would give me away because for the last 9 years of my life he has been my father figure.  Well he pasted away this past June and I took a break away from my wedding planning.  When I picked up everyone was asking well are you going to get your real dad to give you away now?? NO! My mother is going to give me away! Lately people have been saying well you should let your dad do it...its not that common for your mother to do it! I dont want to make my dad feel bad but lets me honest he has not been there for me like a father should! Although I have forgave him....I dont want him to give me away. His entire family is also coming for the wedding. How can I tell him without trying to be funny or upsetting his side of the family because I know they are expecting him to give me away.....

Re: SHOULD I FEEL BAD? (KIND OF LONG)

  • edited December 2011
    JMO- I would let your mom walk you down. Sorry to hear about your stepdad, but if not him then your mom is the best person to do it. I know its not common, but people do pass and we must change tradition. Most people I know from my generation (80's) did not have a father in the house. I had a step father and he passed 9yrs ago, my biological, who was not in the pic for majority of my life passed the 2 years before my stepdad. My mom wants me to have my brother and most likely will be him or me walking down the aisle alone. It will all work out!


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  • edited December 2011
    Be honest, tell him how you feel. Some people aren't replaceable, sounds like your step dad is one of those people. I think a father can walk his daughter down the aisle if he walked with her as she grew up.
  • edited December 2011
    I didn't read anyone else responses on this one because I feel you. I had a step father that was there for me. He passed away in June of 07. I wish he could have been here to give me away. My dad was never really there either. And honestly I think you should allow your mom to give you away. It isn't personal against your dad but how can he step in and assume the role of dad when he has never really been one you know? I wouldn't worry about what his side of the family has to say because I think they know he hasn't been there for you like he should either and it isn't about what they think. This is your day and about what you want. I think that he will be there for you and not take it so personal that you asked your mom to walk you instead of him. And he will know the reasons why. So don't beat yourself over it too much. Pray about it and let God lead you. HTH and GL.
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  • braxtongirlbraxtongirl member
    Eighth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I must agree. I danced with my mother and that was her time to shine. My dad had to share walking me down the aisle with  two other people. I see it this way. You are honoring the people that have been there for you and that is just reality. I never danced with my father a day in my life so I thought why even fake the funk there. If its been u and mom your life, it shouldn't be any different on that day! All my friends were like you aren't going to dance with your dad? But its tradition. Whatever! Do what's in your heart girl! Don't let others change your mind (or heart) because they will try over and over until the actual moment.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm in a similar situation. I don't have a step-father, but me and my father are NOT close at all. Basically when he divorced my mom, he divorced his kids too. Our relationship has been very strained since then. He barely even got an invitation to the wedding! I won't be walking down the isle with him. I haven't told him that yet, but I have a strong feeling he already knows this. Its possible that your dad already knows you don't want him to walk you down the isle. In my opinion, I would just tell him "I wanted to let you know mom is giving me away at the ceremony." Nothing more, nothing less. You can't worry about what his family will think, because this is your wedding. You will remember this moment forever and if you want your mom to give you away, so be it. They will just have to deal with it. And you not feel bad about it.
  • trevette1981trevette1981 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with Lovie right here: Some people aren't replaceable.I'm not you, but I'm absolutely LIVID they would ask you if your dad is going to walk you down the aisle now. Your stepdad didn't die too long ago, give y'all time to grieve.Geez. I hate when people act like that. I don't wish bad on people, but when they loose someone, they'll see how it feels and they won't ask insensitive questions anymore. At least I hope. Let your mom walk you. She and your step dad were in your life, not your dad. 
  • trevette1981trevette1981 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I meant lose. They really need an edit button...
  • braxtongirlbraxtongirl member
    Eighth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Here are some pics of me and mom doing our dance. Just wanted to show you to hopefully show you that you should do what you feel. It turned out great!
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks Ladies! I almost teared up reading the posts! I think I am just going to sit down and tell him that my mommy is going to walk me down the aisle! Braxtongirl those pictures were beautiful! You and your mother look like sisters! I didnt think about having my first dance with my mother but that is really a good idea! She has been my mother and father for all of my life...and I my step-dad was the best dad ever! Never missed a birthday, christmas, graduation, made sure we made good grades.  He is cant be replaced! While my dad is MIA and the funny thing about it is sometimes he'll call and wont ask about my other sisters or my nephew (who he has never seen) and ask about my mother! but anyway thanks ladies for all the support and advice!
  • edited December 2011
    If your like me and your mom and been your "mother and your daddy" then your moms needs to walk you down. Your dad sounds like a sperm donor not dad. He will get over it!!!!!!
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  • edited December 2011
    BTW, my mom walked me down. My dad didn't even get an invite....lol....I am just evil though, dont be like me :)
    Expecting our 16 year Dating Anniversary baby on 11/11/11! BabyFetus Ticker
  • tamtam7tamtam7 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm probably too late to respond, but I agree with everyone else.  Do what makes you comfortable.  I see absolutely nothing wrong with your mom walking you down the aisle.  It's becoming more and more common.  I am sorry to hear about your stepdad as well.  Perhaps you can do something at the wedding, like light a candle in his honor.  I can't believe that people have told you that you should let your dad give you away...u know me, I am a rebel without a pause (in the words of the great philosopher Chuck D)...I say to hell with tradition, do what the hell you want!  I believe that your dad will understand in the end.
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