Pre-martial vent (long)

Crook251

Ok! So the paster of this church has been knowing that I am going to have the wedding there since March! We were told that we would have to schdule 4 sessions with him. Well, over the summer (June-July) I called to try to get the ball rolling and he told me he likes to wait a little closer to the wedding date. I just said ok, because i'm trying to be cool about it and go along with everything. Meanwhile, i'm starting to think about how are we going to get these sessions in when I already know FI is about to start working night shifts until after Christamas. Not only that, I already have events marked on the calander. With that in mind I called him around August and explained the situation about my FI and I.  The pastor still kinda put me off. Finally, on Monday I just went ahead and emailed him the dates I knew for sure that FI and I could come. Plus, I needed to see if those were good dates from him.  He responded telling me that he ususally schduleds the first one and schdule the rest after each session that we completed. However, he still suggested that we not start until the first week in Nov. . I don't know about you but I really don't want to be doing this up until the week of my wedding (we are headed in that direction). I don't like the fact that we having to wait so long anyway. Normally, wouldn't you want to have them done sooner? Whew! now that I have that off my chest I hope I can get through this without being a monster! LOL!

foxxy1

I don't understand why he couldn't do them sooner. Do you really want to be attending pre-martial counseling the week of your wedding?  I think that's moot point. I say pray about it. You already told your pastor the circumstances so I don't know why he's postponing.

[Deleted User]

Hey Crook251, We just scheduled our PMC today and will start next week.I told them the days were avaiable and they went from there! They tried to get us on another day ( i chose Thursday am) but I was firm these are the dates. Maybe email the pastor again to let him know your situation then maybe he will work with it. The thing that gets me is the cost of it!! $55 a session for at least 6 and then $30 for an assessment that needs to b done before we start and NO we aren't getting married at our church...so go figure!!:)

braxtongirl

The pastor did that to us too. Having us wait  and wait. We got it in but it wasn't that long of counseling period.

khaligumbs

To be honest...he should have let you all start the sessions unless your wedding is in 2011 or something.  The tools taught in the classes are meant for you use to better the relationship...so why not sonner?? Dont worry yourself.  The entire process is stressful. 

2010MayBride

I personally understand where you are coming from....my pastor requires that we do six months of pre-marital counseling! I wanted to get started early but Ive been getting the run around and we have seven months left! I hate to feel rushed/pressed to finish our counseling! Its frustrating!! Try not to be a monster! LOL but at the same time pastor needs to be mindful of the things you and your FI have going on in your lives! Good luck I hope everything gets worked out and you can start your counseling ASAP!

Crook251

Thanks ladies! I honestly thought that I was the only one in a sitution like this. Even though I would hate to think that anyone had to go through this. I feel better about it now that I have it off my chest. Plus if it doesn't get done I know and God knows that it honestly wouldn't me by fault! I've done my part!

kimmy.kori

Unless you necessarily are stuck with this Pastor (due to various reasons) Is it possible to have another Pastor marry you?When we did PMC, we had dates picked out but as we did the sessions it was advised that not to set dates until we've finished counseling. The Minister made a good point when she gave an example that she's had a couple that had done so and by the time they were done with their sessions, they had decided not to get married.Not to say that this will happen to you but I would see what my options were.

Crook251

OMG! Kimmy! The thing you said about them not getting married after the PMC has ran across my mind several times. That's even more reason I think it should be done sooner. Seriously, think about it, for some people it takes going to PMC to see that the person is not who they thought they wanted to marry. I'm just being real. Rather it's me or anyone else! You feel me!

Deidra123

I think it's kind of ridiculous for the pastor to put it off simply for the reason given by the pp.  It seems to me that premarital counseling is to investigate issues and resolve them - some couples decide NOT to get married based on what comes out during the counseling.  Therefore, why wait so close to the wedding?  I personally don't see why we don't get the counseling before we even DECIDE that we are all going to get married (but that's another thread).  By waiting he seems to be assuming that all will go well.  Well, not to say this for you, but for ANYONE, what if it doesn't go well?  How much more money in deposits could people save if the pastors did the counseling early?  Heck, if you wait right up until the wedding, you are out of almost the total cost of the wedding (if someone decides not to get married).  Doesn't make much sense.

Crook251

OK Deirda! i'm with you on that!

MrClintonsFirstLady09

Correct me if I am wrong but I thought PM counseling was to be done well in advance because it helps the minister to determine if you are indeed ready to be married? and if he feels you need more time then you would have that based on the fact you are doing it in advance long before your wedding. Is it a prerequisite that he be the one to perform your counseling? I don't get the logic in waiting all that time.

Crook251

Yes, it's in their "over prepared" wedding reqirements. It's not my church it's FI's church (Methodist-which happens to be an white folks church) FI just had to have the wedding their after I didn't care about having it at my church. I don't get it either but, it bothers the crap out of me.

kimmy.kori

Run....and don't look back. Be leary of churches that do this. They may be just looking for members to add to their congregation instead of focusing on the institution of marriage. If I were a minister, I would feel like I failed if I didn't give the couple the tools that they needed for the life of marriage. I believe you should begin PMC well in advance. There may be underlying issues that one or both of you need to work on. That way you have time to work on them before the wedding date or decided that marriage is not a good idea for you.

missecu

I agree. My officiant suggested to schedule first session in Jan. to allow for most of my planning. My wedding is in May. He is really good. Just try to put on a happy face! You are getting married girl! Regardless!

Crook251

You ladies have really saved me from thinking about stupid or crazy for thinking the way I do. Now if only I could tell that paster that in a nice way! LOL!