VENTING 101(pretty long)

ciliajones

Ladies- I have major issues.When we got engaged (in February) I asked 4 ppl to be a BM. My cousin, FSIL, my good friend-who happens to be my sons god mother (MOH), and another friend. Can I remind you that my MOH has been in a relationship for 10 yrs and has 5 children, without the possibility of marriage in her future (her boyfriend just doesnt want to be married)--side note: Her boyfriend is my FI best friend of over 20 yrs. My MOH or Friend has not said anything about getting their dresses for this wedding. I have sent out tons of emails, text messages, and had numerous conversations about getting those dresses before the holidays and you know how money starts looking. Neither one of them has helped me do ANYTHING for this wedding, its like the have no interest and it doesnt even get brought up in conversation. What should I do ladies? Am I being pushy about the dress situation? and should I just start looking for new bridesmaids? I dont want someone to think Im choosing them as seconds best.

miss2mrscj

I have the same problem. My MOH lives in another state so it's hard for her to help but she tries. I also have another BM that tries. But my matron of honor is just outright mean and nasty when it comes to my wedding. So what I did was I had my MOH find a dress that she liked and everyone else has to wear that dress like it or not! They have a deadline to have the dress purchased and if it's not purchased by the deadline then they will be replaced! Why should you have to constantly repeat yourself to adults. As far as your friend. She maybe a little jealous because she knows marriage is not in her future. I've learned that I can't expect for everyone to be as happy as I am about my wedding. I just kinda keep everything to myself or you guys! Good luck!

[Deleted User]

GM ciliajones! I understand ur frustration! I would call them up and speak with them directly first, then give a deadline! U r about the same time frame away from ur wedding as I am, my girls r suppose to get their dresses Nov 1 or 8th. So we shall see, if u feel as though they arent really serious about being in the wedding then I would find alternates. I actually initially said someone was going to b in my wedding then just never brought up the subject again with the person. We use to b really close but now notsomuch so...and grant it she never has talked about it also in the 2 times I have talked to her since I have been engaged (since Sept of last yr)!!

brobin01

No, No and NO you are not being too pushy! What you should have done is set a specific date. (maybe you did)I selected my bridal party back in March and I chose my dresses in August. I set a date of October 3rd for them to place deposits. All but one placed their deposit on that date. The other girl made her deposit  4 days after. But, I ned she had isues..You should set a specific date and let them know that if they aren't able to place a deposit by that date, than unfortuntely they will miss the deadline/opportunity of being able to get a dress. So, if they miss the deadline and there isn't a "excusable reason" presented, than they should be out..you keep it moving and  replace them.This is just my opinion. Hope this helps!

mandikaykay

February 28th is the firm deadline for my bridal party to order their attire for our June 4th wedding.  There are no exceptions, I have a few in my party that I question their seriousness.  I love the people that I chose to be in the wedding, but I would not be hurt if they just decided to be a guest rather than in the actual wedding party.  You are not being pushy, let them know clearly what you expect, if they cannot follow through, replace them.  No one has time to run behind flaky people.

ciliajones

Yeah I gave those heifers deadlines. The deadline was last weekend. Since I have my son and step son birthday parties to plan- I wanted that to be done with. So now Im looking for alternates but what kind of deadline should I give them? I was willing to put some money on their dresses because its short notice. I gave the other girls since July to have the money for their dresses. Mind you I went out of my way to help my MOH find a dress that she liked (which she tried on about 16 dresses and only found 1 that she thought was "AIGHT")

[Deleted User]

Ask the dress shop how long it would take for the dresses to b shipped in and then determine from there and talk to the girls to c what would be good for them. IMO with it starting to get close to holidays u know eveyone starts crying broke so maybe 2nd wk in jan if not to late but cutting it close But if just a deposit they may can do that sooner!

Lovie 129

I agree with pp, especially Brobin. You must set a date, you know some of us can be late! Also, check with your salon. The salon I am getting my BM gowns from does not take deposits, the BM dresses have to be paid in full upon ordering. With this situation, I opted to pay for the dresses myself, along with the jewelry and my BM will buy their own shoes, they have 3 styles to chose from. If they are just unwilling to abide by your timeline, drop them like its hot, and go to another, more compliant friend....they never have to know they were the second choice.

the cat

No...I don't think you're being pushy at all. No one understands the importance of these things like we do. You must now decide how important it is to you to have these particular ladies in your wedding. You have to think worst case scenario...they don't get their dresses in time. Are you ok with possibly having to get the dresses for them or are you willing to replace them?

clross01

No, you are not being pushy.. You have to set dates and deadlines especially if you want to give everyone time to do alterations if necessary and look good for your day. I was pushy and finally everybody ordered their dresses. The dresses just came in (side note: They were ordered the beginning of August. We are now in the middle of October)  Keep pushing... Hopefully, the ladies you have chosen will step up to the plate and pay their money.. 

Deidra123

I honestly don't see why brides put themselves through all the drama.  The choice is simple - do like I did - ask the BM who was non-responsive to come as a guest and tell her it would still be special to me.  That's what I did.  Next issue.  Drama gone.  We spend too much time letting other people's silliness cause us drama.  Free the BMs who aren't doing anything.  Simple as that.  KIM.

alfdallas21

and there you have it from deidra...LOL!... I also agree with both Brobin01 & Cat too... don't add unnecessary stress to you during this process...if these ladies mean alot to you, then by all means contact each of them and ask them if they wish to participate in the wedding - if they say YES, then give that BM the new dress info/deadline; if they say NO, then say OK and K.I.M. and proceed to choose someone else that you feel will participate in your day without the drama and give them the dress info/deadline...HTH!

sdstephens2010

My cousin got married a couple of years ago.  I was so happy for her, that I made sure that I got my dress right away so I wouldn't ruin her day. My best friend from high school got married. I was so happy for her that I was the first BM to get my dress. When someone is truly happy for you and want to make your day special, they do as much as they can to be on point. The slackers are usually either not happy and complaining in the background and really don't want to be in the wedding. I think that sometimes the ladies say yes, because they feel they are obligated to.I am soooo glad that I do not have a wedding party. I have no stress! If your ladies don't get their dresses, keep moving. They are not focused on making your day special, so don't focus your time and energy on them. IMO, being a replacement BM is a little tacky and I would be insulted being asked to be the "second best" LOL!!!

ciliajones

Thanks ladies. I really needed that pep talk. I am moving along though. UN-NEEDED stress GONE!