African American Weddings
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Same Venues

So... I posted on my local board but you ladies can relate to me a little better.
 
FI and I got engaged in March and one of our frat brothers got engaged in September. Our wedding is  not until May 2012 because we're paying for it ourselves. I have been looking  since March for a venue and finally found one 3 weeks ago. In casual convo I was talking to our frat brother and they booked the venue I chose for September 2011. We have at least 20-30 mutual friends and frat brothers who will attend both weddings and I feel some kind of way about having our wedding there after theirs. Like people will think I got the idea from their wedding.

It sucks because I know theirs is going to be extra fabulous because they both come from money and FI & I dont. Am I being ridiculous? I don't want my wedding to turn into some kind of competition or comparison. What would you ladies do?
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Re: Same Venues

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    edited December 2011
    I voted "who cares? leave it the same".

    Here are the pros:

    1. You can see what works and what doesn't work in the space.

    2. Your mutual guests will already know the way to the venue.

    And don't worry about the money they have.  Money =/= class.
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    msapril0730msapril0730 member
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    edited December 2011
    I say if you love it then keep it. If you can't find something you love more than don't worry about it. There is 8 months between the weddings, I'm sure most guest won't remember what the last wedding looked like. My cousin got married at my venue and thing people remember is that the food was good!
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_same-venues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:10fe1f9e-289f-48ff-83c8-e1ff58a465a9Post:132948f2-8035-469d-8898-94a385605e74">Re: Same Venues</a>:
    [QUOTE]I voted "who cares? leave it the same". Here are the pros: 1. You can see what works and what doesn't work in the space. 2. Your mutual guests will already know the way to the venue. And don't worry about the money they have.  Money =/= class.
    Posted by lisaandcorey[/QUOTE]

    I was thinking the same thing. You have the advantage of pre-viewing the venue as a guest and making yours more fabulous.  As for the money:do you watch "Four Weddings"?  More Expensive does Not Equal Better Wedding.  You and your DH will have more time to plan and it will work out fine...Good luck.
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    edited December 2011
    I understand your hesitation from a bride's perspective, but as a guest...they won't care hon. Get the venue you want!
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_same-venues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:10fe1f9e-289f-48ff-83c8-e1ff58a465a9Post:132948f2-8035-469d-8898-94a385605e74">Re: Same Venues</a>:
    [QUOTE]I voted "who cares? leave it the same". Here are the pros: 1. You can see what works and what doesn't work in the space. 2. Your mutual guests will already know the way to the venue. And don't worry about the money they have.  Money =/= class.
    Posted by lisaandcorey[/QUOTE]

    THIS! Just think about the pros. I wouldn't worry yourself with something like this. You can have a faboulus wedding without spending a whole lot of money and like lisa said...you can see what works and what doesn't!!
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    msapril0730msapril0730 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_same-venues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:10fe1f9e-289f-48ff-83c8-e1ff58a465a9Post:781fc6f5-d1c8-4592-b9dc-18613977d81a">Re: Same Venues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Same Venues : I was thinking the same thing. You have the advantage of pre-viewing the venue as a guest and making yours more fabulous.  <strong>As for the money:do you watch "Four Weddings"?  More Expensive does Not Equal Better Wedding</strong>.  You and your DH will have more time to plan and it will work out fine...Good luck.
    Posted by summerbride11[/QUOTE]

    I agree! Watching that show it looks like the more money the bigger the headache!
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_same-venues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:10fe1f9e-289f-48ff-83c8-e1ff58a465a9Post:268860b1-661b-4f8a-911f-f32019707dcf">Re: Same Venues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Same Venues : I agree! Watching that show it looks like the more money the bigger the headache!
    Posted by msapril0730[/QUOTE]

    Lol- That show is great for future brides. Who wants to attend an expensive but BORING wedding?
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    edited December 2011
    1 more pro:

    You get to see their caterer in action.  Assuming that your list has a list of approved caterers, you probably will not have decided on one by the time their wedding rolls around.
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    sadou02sadou02 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know how you feel. I was in the same predicament. My BF got married in Nov '09 and when I became engaged and was considering venues her venue came up but I hesitated a lot because I really didnt want to have the venue. Though it was one of the few in my price range.  I decided to not to book there because I didnt want any comparison.
    I ended up finding a better venue with better pricing. When I had a recent conversation with her about her venue she had soo many complaints.  Happy I didnt choose it.  You never know you may just find another venue thats even better.
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    edited December 2011
    From someone who is having her wedding at the SAME place as a friend is having hers....I was on the other end of this spectrum. I voted "no biggie" to your question. I voted this way because I went looking for a venue that was both cost effective and beautiful. I could not find one that met both standards. The friend recommended the one she is having her wedding in 2011 at, I was hesistant. I went to visit and fell in love. Then I spent months feeling bad for falling in love with the venue. I asked other friends what I should do....they all said no biggie. Even prior to booking I went to the friend (who suggested the venue) and told her that I was booking that venue....turns out she was so nonchalant about the whole ordeal. (After I had spent WEEKS stressing over it.) Her wedding is next year. Mine is 2012. Her wedding will reflect her and mine will reflect me. 

    Venues are made to have multiple weddings. If someone at your wedding would comment about how you "copied" someone else's venue, then maybe they shouldn't be invited to your wedding. After all, this is your money being spent. 

    I voted no biggie because when I was on the flip side I thought it was a BIG deal. Turns out.....no one cared but me. 
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_same-venues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:10fe1f9e-289f-48ff-83c8-e1ff58a465a9Post:222f6c38-5050-4703-b707-4c287710db02">Re: Same Venues</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand your hesitation from a bride's perspective, but as a guest...they won't care hon. Get the venue you want!
    Posted by eagles347[/QUOTE]

    This...
    AND
    Knowing me I would probably look at more venues just to ease my mind BUT if I couldn't find anything better and in my price range I would just have it at the same place.
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    M1ssJM1ssJ member
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    edited December 2011
    Thank you Ladies!!!!  FI and I decided to look at a few more places but if I don't find anything that meets my standards we're going for it. I knew I was being semi ridiculous but in the midst of it all it seems like such a big deal.
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    edited December 2011
    Girl, everything wedding related seems like a big deal. :) No worries! 
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    7venAfricano7venAfricano member
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    edited December 2011

    voted no biggie. I think that if you love the venue then you should go for it. It isn't as though you'd be copying their decorations, food, music etc. I'd even feel this way if it was a wedding gown, of course that's just me. You can't worry about something like a venue or how others may perceive it because in the end it's about what YOU and your FI want. If it makes you happy go for it.

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