Baby before wedding

FleurdeLaDay

Hey everyone!

I wanted to pick brains for a bit and see how you ladies feel about babies before marriage. I know sometimes, especially in our community, it can be looked down upon or stigmatized as bad but as future and past brides has anybody dealt with outsiders (family, friends, etc) and their persception of you, a baby (or babies), and your wedding. If so or if not how have you or how would you choose to deal with it. 

gnc0988

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_baby-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:118bbcb8-a6d5-4aa5-be00-88419cf8516ePost:bd19d2f7-5113-4cab-ae66-9475b04648b7">Baby before wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey everyone! I wanted to pick brains for a bit and see how you ladies feel about babies before marriage. I know sometimes, especially in our community, it can be looked down upon or stigmatized as bad but as future and past brides has anybody dealt with outsiders (family, friends, etc) and their persception of you, a baby (or babies), and your wedding. If so or if not how have you or how would you choose to deal with it. 
Posted by FleurdeLaDay[/QUOTE]




I personally wouldn't do it but know plenty of people who have. Times are different now, some people don't ever marry. But for people who want to talk down to anyone for having a baby before marriage I say at least they are getting married!! At least they aren't forever bf and gf or having multiple babies with multiple people. I think people can have their opinion but it's rude to voice it to a bride or anyone else because of the choices they've made.

M1ssJ

Because of my personal relationship with Christ it was not the right decision for me. That also prevented me from being with anyone with children. Everyone's walk is different and like pp said coming together as one is a time to start anew in many senses.

leatba

We both had children before we met. I was of the thought that I would never get married so I was ok with it. 2 of the 3 marriage, children, job was good enough or so I thought. I love my babies to life though

shaygray88

FI and I have a baby together and my church fam and immediate fam is accepting of this. I would have preferred to wait for marriage though, but we didn't and I have no regrets.

thedivav

ish happens 

no big deal 

i dont have any kids not trying to before i get married... but if i do find 

i will be 40 in five months.... if somebody wants to look down on me for having my first kid at 40 and i am not married..... i got some words for them.... 

footballwife77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_baby-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:118bbcb8-a6d5-4aa5-be00-88419cf8516ePost:cd3d7ec9-9644-4a15-8be2-1ae023ad6594">Re: Baby before wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>ish happens  no big deal </strong> i dont have any kids not trying to before i get married... but if i do find  i will be 40 in five months.... if somebody wants to look down on me for having my first kid at 40 and i am not married..... i got some words for them.... 
Posted by thedivav[/QUOTE]

This!

I had a child coming into the relationship. No one said they had problems with me to my face about it. His family has accepted my son as one of their own.

MrsBad13

FI and I both had a child and then one together. For the most part our families and friends havent said anything as most of my circle had kids before marriage or kids and no marriage at all. Each of our families treat our kids as a whole and no step this or step that. Like M1ssj said everybodies walk of life is different and somethings were meant to happen when they did. I love my kids to no end and thank God for them. I feel had I waited to get married I probably wouldnt of had them due to not being able to have children anymore.my 2nd child barley made it into the world. God meant for my babies to come when they did !

CaseynMike

While my walk with Jesus has been far from perfect I have two kids and my fianc does as well. I don't think me having kids prior to marriage has affected my walk with Christ or my Christianity. We fall short everyday as Christians and God still gives us Grace and Mercy all the days of our lives. Now I understand for some people it may not be their cup of tea to have children before marriage. Our community is ALWAYS going to find something to look crazy or down at people about. As crazy as it is our community members have the crab in a bucket mentality and its unfortunate. We are always judgmental of each other and me, I could GAF less what people have to think of me because I have two kids prior to marriage, sin on Sunday, drink, curse, look at other fine men, hell I LIVE and all the while I acknowledge who my Lord and savior is and know that he is the ONLY one I have to answer to when I get to judgment day. No one here on earth can do anything for me with their judgments opinions or expressions on things like this. All I can say is that to each it's own and have a great day.

footballwife77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_baby-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:118bbcb8-a6d5-4aa5-be00-88419cf8516ePost:19679591-a9ac-40f6-a9d0-b8aee193bf64">Re:Baby before wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]While my walk with Jesus has been far from perfect I have two kids and my fianc does as well. I don't think me having kids prior to marriage has affected my walk with Christ or my Christianity. We fall short everyday as Christians and God still gives us Grace and Mercy all the days of our lives. Now I understand for some people it may not be their cup of tea to have children before marriage. Our community is ALWAYS going to find something to look crazy or down at people about. As crazy as it is our community members have the crab in a bucket mentality and its unfortunate. We are always judgmental of each other and me, I could GAF less what people have to think of me because I have two kids prior to marriage, sin on Sunday, drink, curse, look at other fine men, hell I LIVE and all the while I acknowledge who my Lord and savior is and know that he is the ONLY one I have to answer to when I get to judgment day. No one here on earth can do anything for me with their judgments opinions or expressions on things like this. All I can say is that to each it's own and have a great day.
Posted by CaseynMike[/QUOTE]

****STANDING OVATION******

MrsBad13

In Response to Re:Baby before wedding:[QUOTE]While my walk with Jesus has been far from perfect I have two kids and my fianc does as well. I don't think me having kids prior to marriage has affected my walk with Christ or my Christianity. We fall short everyday as Christians and God still gives us Grace and Mercy all the days of our lives.

Now I understand for some people it may not be their cup of tea to have children before marriage. Our community is ALWAYS going to find something to look crazy or down at people about. As crazy as it is our community members have the crab in a bucket mentality and its unfortunate. We are always judgmental of each other and me, I could GAF less what people have to think of me because I have two kids prior to marriage, sin on Sunday, drink, curse, look at other fine men, hell I LIVE and all the while I acknowledge who my Lord and savior is and know that he is the ONLY one I have to answer to when I get to judgment day. No one here on earth can do anything for me with their judgments opinions or expressions on things like this.

All I can say is that to each it's own and have a great day. Posted by CaseynMike[/QUOTE]

Singing..let the church say amen !! Say that ish Casey .

CaseynMike

Not being rude but how does your relationship with Christ make you choose to not be with anyone that haves children? The sin is in the act if premarital sex not the child. I get disgruntled when I hear people say things if this nature because we never know what path God had us on. He could lead a woman to a man with kids because he the Lord knows that she won't be able to have kids, he could lead a man to a woman that used to be a stripper to provide for her kids because her sorry tail baby daddy or ex husband aint bout two pennies rubbed together and that man can learn what sacrifice compromise and hard work is about in a woman. I know it's your preference but its just unfortunate at times that people have that outlook

TL25

Well dam Casey sure as hell did say it with her chest lol.
I try not to judge people because I am not perfect myself. FI and I had our son 3 years ago. When I got pregnant I didn't feel like I needed to rush and get married to save face. I was upset with myself because growing up I always wanted marriage first, so when I became pregnant I was just like dam I'll be another statistic. No one else judged me though at least not to my face. I was accepted by both my family and his because we weren't the first and definitely not the last to have children out-of-wedlock. I have witnessed people upset over pre-marital babies and you know what all of the nonsense stops once the beautiful child is born. As far as my judging others because they're not married I don't because I have no room to talk lol.

20pearls16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_baby-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:118bbcb8-a6d5-4aa5-be00-88419cf8516ePost:19679591-a9ac-40f6-a9d0-b8aee193bf64">Re:Baby before wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]While my walk with Jesus has been far from perfect I have two kids and my fianc does as well. I don't think me having kids prior to marriage has affected my walk with Christ or my Christianity. We fall short everyday as Christians and God still gives us Grace and Mercy all the days of our lives. Now I understand for some people it may not be their cup of tea to have children before marriage. Our community is ALWAYS going to find something to look crazy or down at people about. As crazy as it is our community members have the crab in a bucket mentality and its unfortunate. We are always judgmental of each other and me, I could GAF less what people have to think of me because I have two kids prior to marriage, sin on Sunday, drink, curse, look at other fine men, hell I LIVE and all the while I acknowledge who my Lord and savior is and know that he is the ONLY one I have to answer to when I get to judgment day. No one here on earth can do anything for me with their judgments opinions or expressions on things like this. All I can say is that to each it's own and have a great day.
Posted by CaseynMike[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>Say it Soror!</div><div>

</div>

MissusD1116

*Slow clap* for Casey! You had me clutching my pearls girl! LOL! There has been some good points here..I myself was married first and my daughter came later...However, I wasn't the Virgin Mary or anybody so all those premarital romps could have led to anything. Sometimes as Christians, especially Southern Christians, we forget that we have all been where a sinner has been, nobody was born a Saint. But as V said above, ish happens and you have to deal with it. It wouldn't be my ideal situation to have a child before marriage but if it had happened, I know I'm covered and God will take care of it all for he is The Lord of Lords and is the only one to judge ANY and ALL men.

tirathemrs

Well I can definitely say FI and I have one lovely little boy and I've been preggo twice and miscarried and I always have felt that God doesn't favor any one person over another for having kids and not being married.... I love my Lord and I Love my Son....no one has ever said anything negative to me or my family for us not being married...no one can judge but God

thedivav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_baby-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:118bbcb8-a6d5-4aa5-be00-88419cf8516ePost:4a13dba7-4424-46dd-a76d-6d388b167b57">Re: Baby before wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]*Slow clap* for Casey! You had me clutching my pearls girl! LOL! There has been some good points here..I myself was married first and my daughter came later...However, I wasn't the Virgin Mary or anybody so all those premarital romps could have led to anything. Sometimes as Christians, especially Southern Christians, we forget that we have all been where a sinner has been, nobody was born a Saint. But as V said above, ish happens and you have to deal with it. It wouldn't be my ideal situation to have a child before marriage but if it had happened, I know I'm covered and God will take care of it all for he is The Lord of Lords and is the only one to judge ANY and ALL men.
Posted by MissusD1116[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>life is too short </div><div>way too short to get wraped up in other people's issues about kids outside of marriage... </div><div>
</div><div>i was so scared about getting knocked up like my mom and grandmothers and great grandmother i spent my 19th of live walking in fear.. yeah never again lol </div><div>
</div><div>now the flip side of this is when you tell people you are almost 40 and no kids never married i get asked well what is wrong with you? what are you waiting for?</div><div>
</div><div>*sigh* really?!</div><div>not everyone was meant to be a mother.... i dont really like kids... i love babies but when they start to talk and walk i can give them to some one else and tell them to come back at 10 lol 

</div><div>never been a kid person.... </div>

tirathemrs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_baby-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:118bbcb8-a6d5-4aa5-be00-88419cf8516ePost:d6daef7f-4fef-4f46-8e29-707953752d9c">Re: Baby before wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Baby before wedding : life is too short  way too short to get wraped up in other people's issues about kids outside of marriage...  i was so scared about getting knocked up like my mom and grandmothers and great grandmother i spent my 19th of live walking in fear.. yeah never again lol  now the flip side of this is when you tell people you are almost 40 and no kids never married i get asked well what is wrong with you? what are you waiting for? *sigh* really?! not everyone was meant to be a mother.... i dont really like kids... i love babies but when they start to talk and walk i can give them to some one else and tell them to come back at 10 lol  never been a kid person.... 
Posted by thedivav[/QUOTE]



Lmao at you giving them away and telling them come back at 10 lol lol lol too funny

thedivav

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_baby-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:118bbcb8-a6d5-4aa5-be00-88419cf8516ePost:3b9e75c0-0eed-458f-8841-5428b5acf7af">Re: Baby before wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Baby before wedding : Lmao at you giving them away and telling them come back at 10 lol lol lol too funny
Posted by misstira[/QUOTE]

<div>lol ijs lol... they TALK so much when they are taht small they are very cute but VERY chatty lol</div>

Dannitra01

I've known from a very young age that having a child before I was married wasn't something I wanted. I've made it my business to break this.....cycle...this generational curse in my family. From the time I was old enough to understand, I knew I wanted to be able to give my children something that I never experienced: Growing up with BOTH parents in the home, a healthy relationship with their father. I never had the opportunity to be a "daddy's girl", I don't want to deny my daughter that. Now, can this happen without the parents being married?? Of course it can!!! Is that the way I want to do things? Nope. Nevertheless, I don't knock others for doing it. To each her own.

[Deleted User]

*thud*   Case in here beatin ankles and shaming the devil!!!  girl, werk! 

I don't think I could have answered this objectively and I want to say that having had a baby outside of marriage doesn't make me defensive about responding to it, it probably does -  not because I feel a way, but because I don't think it matters.   but what I was going to say was that conception outside wedlock as an impression of sin is a man-made impression.  I personally know PLENTY a' chicks that hadn't had children by the time they got married but it wasn't because they'd never. been. pregnant.  hellur??  

chile please, my baby was fitna be IN my wedding AND I woulda worn white.   and anybody and I do mean anteee'body who would've had something to say to me about that would've been made to review their entire life's history because as long we tambout walks and whatnot if you're familiar with the story that has Jesus say: let he without sin cast the first stone, you're also familiar with the outcome.  Them mofos had to put their rocks down and smooth walk off.  and I ain't NEARLY as good as the Lord is merciful and kind.   Try and shame me, your afternoon bout to be all the way f*cked up.

LOL @ V!!!!  girl I used to say I love children.  As I got older I had to modify.  I love mine.  lol!  

gmern'ting.

thedivav

Merting Sultry Ijs lol

TL25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_baby-before-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:118bbcb8-a6d5-4aa5-be00-88419cf8516ePost:d94bde9f-ea43-4624-aa22-8e9d8a6d844a">Re: Baby before wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]*thud*   Case in here beatin ankles and shaming the devil!!!  girl, werk !  I don't think I could have answered this objectively and I want to say that having had a baby outside of marriage doesn't make me defensive about responding to it, it probably does -  not because I feel a way, but because I don't think it matters.   but what I was going to say was that conception outside wedlock as an impression of sin is a man-made impression . <strong> I personally know PLENTY a' chicks that hadn't had children by the time they got married but it wasn't because they'd never. been. pregnant.  hellur ??  </strong> chile please, my baby was fitna be IN my wedding AND I woulda worn white.   and anybody and I do mean anteee'body who would've had something to say to me about that would've been made to review their entire life's history because as long we tambout walks and whatnot if you're familiar with the story that has Jesus say: let he without sin cast the first stone, you're also familiar with the outcome.  Them mofos had to put their rocks down and smooth walk off.  and I ain't NEARLY as good as the Lord is merciful and kind.   Try and shame me, your afternoon bout to be all the way f*cked up. LOL @ V!!!!  girl I used to say I love children.  As I got older I had to modify.  I love mine.  lol!   gmern'ting.
Posted by sultryzulu[/QUOTE]

Exactly!

kelew39

I am almost 5 months pregenant. My Fiance discussed getting married before we found out we were having a baby. After we found out, we just made it official. Th ebaby will be born 5 months before the wedding.
I didn't want to become a "statistic" either. I wanted a "baby's father", not a "baby's daddy." That all changed when I got older, I relaized that I'm not perfect and if it happened, it happend. I made my bed and I was going to lie in it.
It just so happened that I am marrying the father of my child.
I say, do what you feel is best and forget about what everybody else thinks because in the end, it is your life and you are the only one who has to live it. 

gmg75241

My husband and I have been together since 2003 and had 2 children prior to marriage. In fact our last child was born in november 2011. Of course, when I was younger, I would have wanted children after marriage but God had other plans and so Im completely happy with how everything turned out.