Name Change Dilemma...

20pearls16

I'm struggling with name issue. I got married at 22 right out of undergrad and changed my name to my ex-husband's name. My total career, my professional license, children names etc have been under my ex-husband's name. We were married for 13 years and together for 18 years. When we divorced several years ago I never changed it back. Now that I am getting ready to get married again I am struggling. I do want to use my FI name but I don't know what to do career wise. I thought about hypenating my two married names but I think that would be tacky. Any suggestions.

By the way hello everyone. I'm new to the board.

happe2gether

First off welcome 20pearls!!  You have found a Phenomenal board!! Dive in and tell us more about you and your wedding.

Now... I TOTALLY understand as I am in the almost EXACT boat as you.  I haven't used my given surname for a almost years now and I so feel you on the kids part.  For now, my personal plan is to either
a) completely hyphenate the two names so that I keep a partial same name as my 2 kids

or

b) go with "tradition" and make my current last name my middle name.  I don't have a middle name so that works out well for me. 

But I think the discussion needs to be had with your FI to see if he has feelings one way or another.  Hopefully he doesn't see your current name as the name of that other man you married and can be ok with an option that might still include it.  I mean you have A LOT to take into consideration.

Good luck! 

MsAmeera25

You can always legally change name to FI's name and then professionally go by the name you have been using. I know most places ask the name you would prefer to go by etc. Are you doing a lot of research and publishing professionally?  

M1ssJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_name-change-dilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:1dc5dce6-5eb1-4acd-b602-4af6114c4d15Post:3b673a5b-0e3c-4b25-ac1d-577605a89d32">Re: Name Change Dilemma...</a>:
[QUOTE]You can always legally change name to FI's name and then professionally go by the name you have been using. I know most places ask the name you would prefer to go by etc. Are you doing a lot of research and publishing professionally?  
Posted by MsAmeera25[/QUOTE]

<div>This exaclty. I would hyphenate at least to keep the bond with your children but talk to your FI</div>

RealHappyGal

I am against hyphenating for the reason that I had the hyphenated name with the first marriage.  This is not my name but let me let you into my horro world due to the hyphenated name busines.  Lets say my maden name was Jones, married name Wilson.  I was listed everywhere incorectly as:
Jones-Wilson
Wilson-Jones
Joneswilson
wilsonjones
Jones Wilson
Wilson Jones
Jones
Wilson

Get it? and everywhere I went (med records ect) it was difficult to figure out how I was put in by who ever put me in orginally

Ksk2012

Oh yea I see. That is difficult. Well why don't you use your ex husband's names (kid's last name) as your middle name then tack your future husband's name on to that?

Or do you remember the TV show ( not the movie) Are We There Yet? The wife was in a similar situation, I think they hyphenated their names on that show.

HMm I would hate for you to have a different last name as your kids but you also want to honor your new husban's name. What does your FI say about all this. Sometimes guys have logical solutions to stuff that we don't even consider.

20pearls16

Ironically this was the Strawberry Letter this morning on Steve Harvey this  LOL.

When I got married the first time I didn't hyphenate. I just used my surname as my middle initial. I did discuss this with my children ages 19,13,12 and they said they didn't care one way or the other. Especially the girls who said their names would change when they got married anyway. I am going to talk to the FI about it, but he has already mentioned that he wants me to get rid of the ex's last name that I have had for the last 18 years.

RealHappyGal

Im dropping exhubbies name, and taking on new hubbies name completely. The kids will b fine.  Un wed moms have different last names from their kids all the time.