FI just pulled the.. "You're Carrie, I'm Mr. Big" card. He says he is only doing the big wedding for me. He told me he just wants me to be happy but he'd rather just get married in a park, go to dinner with friends/family at a restaurant and have a long honeymoon. I'm concerned. I don't want him to resent me for this wedding...Do you think he will?I told him no matter what I need to wear a white dress. But he says he just wants to be married, he doesn't care about the rest.
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Re: AHHH!!

  • edited December 2011
    I don't think he will resent you for it. He sounds a bit like my FI who is doing the larger wedding because it's what I want but only cares that he marries me and not a single other detail.I forget what your projected guest list is. I looked at your bio but couldn't tell your venues. You haven't sent your STDs yet, what about scaling it down a tad so that it's a 'medium' wedding?
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  • dmw_2010dmw_2010 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think there's also a difference between "I don't care if we have a full-blown wedding" and "the idea of a big wedding makes me want to go lie down." My FI totally doesn't care what sort of wedding we have - we could get married in jeans and he'd be OK. However, we both agreed on the size of the wedding and the guest list, and he's totally supportive of me having the sort of wedding I'll be happy with. So, he's the first type, which is good and totally OK. I'd talk to him, figure out which category he's in. If he's in the first, you're fine and he definitely won't resent you. If he's in the second, figure out what's making him uncomfortable and find a way to make it work for both of you.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm totally there. In fact, been there since last summer. I don't think he will, but I'm exactly like you - I want to wear the poufyish white dress and carry flowers because...well, I want to dammit! Although, I'm jealous - mine doesn't really seem to care about the HM much. :P I'm trying to figure out how to scale things down too, but really, I've already scaled everything down as much as possible! I say look at Lake Wilderness Lodge for your venue price point. It's pretty nice, bring whatever caterer you want, and you get indoors in case of bad weather. And just remember to not OVERDO the little details...I keep trying to remind myself of that....
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  • edited December 2011
    Thank you ladies!
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  • edited December 2011
    It's okay Sara, maybe he's just saying that to help take some pressure off of you...Sometimes my FI says the same thing, but in the next breath says how excited he is! Keep on rockin'!
  • carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I get that ALL THE DAM.N TIME.  Like, I could just do this at the courthouse, this is all your idea.  To which I say, Excuse me buster, but a beach wedding in Hawaii was YOUR idea.  Then we argue.  Then we agree that it's a mix of what we both want.  Rinse, repeat.Have you been hashing out a big wedding planning decision that you can't decide on?  I think what really leads to this response is going around and around and stressing out about something wedding-related that I'm trying to resolve.  FI gets really worn out on all that, so this is how he tries to ratchet things down (although it actually does the opposite).So, first, try not to stress so much about wedding stuff (especially out loud to your FI).  Then, try pointing out to your FI all the ways you're trying to make sure this is a reflection of the both of you.  I try to get him back on my team, so to speak, and when that happens, we're fine again.Until the next big snafu...  :)
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