After the wedding? Living together

Carla1019

May I ask you ladies that are already living with your FH was it difficult to transition into having your own space to living together? We decided to not live together until after the wedding but I'm curious what that transition period is going to be like?

Please give any advice or suggestions on how to blend successfully.

And knotties that aren't living together yet, what concerns do you have after the wedding?

kiyamurph

FI and I moved in together after we got engaged in May.  We were separated by distance, him in Washington state, me in Ohio.  I had just graduated from perfusion school and he proposed at my graduation.  Since we were now engaged, there was no way I was moving back in with my parents until I found a job, so I moved out here to Washington with FI.

Honestly, I thought that the transition was going to be weird because we had a distance relationship for 7 years and never spent more than a week together at one time, unless we went on a trip somewhere.  All of these people kept telling me how hard the transition would be and how we'll end up fighting all of the time (which we never do), and truthfully, it was so. incredibly. easy.  I found myself sitting around waiting for this moment where it would get hard and then I realized that I was wasting my time.  

Obviously, how easy you transition is going to depend on each of your personalities, but it was no problem whatsoever for me and FI.  Of course things aren't 100% perfect, there's things that he does that drives me nuts (like leaving cabinet doors open!), but things are never going to be perfect because there's no such thing.  I think that having that realization helps too.  

Some things that have helped us not fight over stupid things like chores is we decided from the get go who's going to do what.  For example, I bag up all of the trash in the house, and then he takes it outside to the garbage and brings it down to the curb.  He cleans the family room and "his" bathroom, and I clean the master bathroom and bedroom and the kitchen.  These things might seem a little trivial, but they really do help keep the peace.  As long as you two communicate, you should have no problem.  Good luck!

hatroopes

FI and I were long distance as well for about a year and a half till I moved from Atlanta to Orlando and we lived together for about a year. We both live together in Atlanta now. 

 

Initially when I moved to Orlando - things were difficult and tense between us, but I think that was partly because we had lived on our own for so long. He had been living on his own since he was 18 and I since I grauated college. I'm also not a very patient person and we were so different in the way we did things. I like things clean and in order, and FI, not so much. We sat down and had a long conversation about the way we both liked things (we probably should have done this before we moved in together lol). After that, I learned to pick my battles and not go crazy over every little thing like him leaving the toilet seat up and not cleaning the sink properly after shaving (those little hairs drive me crazy!!!)

 It's also important to have the money talk - who pays for what. Since we both work, we have a joint checking account which we use to pay household bills etc, and our own individual accounts.

 

Things are a lot more easier since we moved to Atlanta. My best advice (might sound cliché), is to communicate. Never stop talking to each other. If something bothers you, don't hold it in. Also pick your battles - if it's not a big deal, just let it go. PP about splitting chores is a great idea as well

wallacje

FI and I moved in together last July.  We were spending so much on the same bills that it made sense since his lease was up and I own my place.

since we have a condo space is limited already, once we buy a house in a couple years that will be handled.

It hasn't been easy, I lived by myself since college so giving up space and having someone ALWAYS around has been challenging for me.  I think he has had the same problems, but we are working through it.

Keeping the house clean is my biggest pet peeve right now. I told him to make himself useful or hire a cleaning company. LOL - Its not that bad but he just leaves things right where he takes them off at, super annoying.

We are splitting everything, well pretty much I pay the mortgage and he pays everything else, they come out about the same dollars wise.

I will say one thing if you don't communicate there is going to be more issues that could have been avoided.

I agree with hatroopes about picking your battles, some are just not worth it and others are.

Overall I'm happy with him being here, its nice to have someone to come home to.  Its been really good for our relationship, learning how to deal with obstacles and each other's attitude.

cincy2011

Great question OP and thanks for the advice everyone.  FI and I aren't moving in until after the wedding, so this is right on time! 

sharonda1981

My FI and I have been living together for 5 years, been together 8 years. To be honest I think anyone should live with there FI before marriage, because that gets all of the smail pet pieve arguements out of the way. For instance I had my own place and was set in my ways and so did he. So when we moved in together we disagreed on small silly stuff, like when to clean up or where to put the couch! Lol, they were so petty we had to laugh sometimes. But now we are so used to each other when we say I Do, we can focus on the good loving :-)
But anyway girl, it's a real challenge, keep your minds open for changes because there will be changes.

JKeyes2011

FI and I have been extreme long distance for most of our relationship, but for about 4 months I took time off school and went to Europe to stay with him. The first time 3 months and the 2nd time a month during the summer. His parents were so weird about us not living together until after marriage that I decided to put my education on hold and show them we could do it with a trial period. I went to Belgium and moved in for 3 months. I stayed at home and he worked, but we worked on our little pet peeves. We have a pretty good system and we fall right into it even when I visit just for a couple weeks. I like how things have worked out and I even got over my homesick period. There was a lot of me calling my mom in tears, but I worked though it and didn't want to leave him when the months were up. I can go anywhere, but as soon as 3 weeks hits, I am a homesick puppy. It will be intresting to see how we fall into place after the wedding when I won't be just there for an amount of time, but just on a one way ticket.

sweetjess2011

FI and I will be coming up on a year in May living together. I started staying over at his place on the wknds(apt) so spending $ on gas, food etc was ridiculous. It was overall easier to move in together to cut our bills in half and buy for 1 house then 2. Now we live in a house and split the bills. Im a stay at home mom so all the cleaning and cooking is done by me. I dont mind it, as long as he doesnt come home and try to make a mess of things, but he is a pretty clean person.
 
Things that have changed since we moved in together is he doesnt clean the bathroom anymore, we have more space living in a house now. You start feeling like a real couple not that you dont living apart, but it's just a different feeling. Having that sense of security living together. Having eachother there each night and each morning. Through all we have been thru I wouldnt change it for anything.

lisa4766

We live together... we did so for a year and then I got my own place. I just needed my own space for a bit.  We brought a house in Sept and now live with each other again.  This house is very big (3,000 sqft) so we have plenty of space to get away from each other when needed.  Yeah for big houses in TX....  LOL 

Carla1019

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences. FH and I get along great and we have traveled together and I never felt crowded or annoyed. But at times especially when I'm PMSing, I don't want to be bothered with anyone. I don't want to cook, clean, or look pretty. LOL! But I'm sure we will be just fine.

He is very attentive and I'm sure he will help out around the house when I don't feel like it.

shesheduke

I have been living with FI for a little over a year now. WE bought a house in November and got engaged in December. Man has it been a trial when FI used to get on my nerves I could leave or get off the phone but now that we live together there is no where to go lol. WE did not divide up the house responsibilities before we started living together he thought that things would be done like they are done in his parents house.

We now have all that worked out. Everyone says that we have basically gone through the 1st year of marriage lol I love how we are now and you surely have to pick your battles. I still do things that bother FI like laying in the bed until noon or later on Saturday if I don't have anything to do and he still does things that annoy me like leaving the shaved hair in the sink and toothpaste too but I still love him and he loves me flaws and all.  ITS work but you gotta do it.

lil01

FI & I have been living together for going on 8 years. Yeah.....I said 8 years....lol. Since 2003 when we were seniors & super seniors in college. It was rough at times years ago cause we were still young & really NOT ready to live with each other. We had all kinds of issues: communication, space (I'm an only child), and just adjusting to each other's habits & ways of living. We've always been good on the financial end & paying bills together and on time, thank goodness.

The only advice I could give is to communicate....communicate. If iyour having a disagreement or argument, neither person should leave the house (we both did this & its not good). Give each other space. Understand that adjustment may take time, but compromise if necessary. Most of all, enjoy it & have fun. Although we had our issues, we always played around like kids & enjoy each other's company (til this very day).