Marriage/Relationship Resources

teamUS2012

I know we're all supposed to be wedding planning, but I'm actually enjoying the marriage planning part a lot, too.

Anybody have/know of any resources that might be helpful in planning for a successful, happy, lifelong marriage? Like books, movies, websites, activities, advice, etc.?

Here are two I came across over the weekend:

www.twoofus.org (saw this one on MARTA... lol). - lots of articles on allllll kinds of subjects like getting along, budget planning, stepfamilies, remarriage, wedding planning, communication, sex, etc.

www.themarriagebed.com (sex and intimacy for married Christians) - basically all the stuff they DON'T talk about in church... lol. The site is really very raw and no subject is off-limits.

http://lovedarestories.com (stories and forums about The Love Dare)

Anybody have any others?

djscat

Okay this is going to sound real smart butt but I am being serious.  The Bible.  Get into the habit of reading the bible and praying with your FI at least once a day.  Even if it is just one scripture.  There are thousands of books out there about how to have a good marriage but the original book is still the best. 

teamUS2012

Nope, the Bible is my #1 favorite resource. Idk why I didn't put it on my list, but that's the value of TK. What one forgets, another remembers.

We pray together and have gone through most of the scriptures related to marriage and relationships.

Excellent addition, Cat!

djscat

Can you add your resources to the FB page please?

teamUS2012

Absolutely!

Carla1019

This is another reason I like the love dare. I didn't know where many of the scriptures were relating to marriage.

We read every night and pray but we also make sure to have date night every week. There is something so special to me about walking hand and hand and enjoying the moment. FI mother raised him right and he continues to open car doors, walk on the side near the street, and other countless gestures that make me feel like a Queen. All of this is constant reminders why I'm IN LOVE with him.

I would also recommend finding an older wiser couple or spiritual mentor thay you can confide in. Even though books are great, sometimes you just need to talk to someone who will encourage you spiritually. And remind you that love goes through seasons and you have to push through.

teamUS2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_marriagerelationship-resources?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:2aa20e06-e896-4874-b1c9-e5d309a63d46Post:fb1b4848-3ed9-45db-8d13-f8727e54a929">Re: Marriage/Relationship Resources</a>:
[QUOTE]This is another reason I like the love dare. [b]I didn't know where many of the scriptures were relating to marriage.[/b] We read every night and pray but we also make sure to have date night every week. There is something so special to me about walking hand and hand and enjoying the moment. FI mother raised him right and he continues to open car doors, walk on the side near the street, and other countless gestures that make me feel like a Queen. All of this is constant reminders why I'm IN LOVE with him. I would also recommend finding an older wiser couple or spiritual mentor thay you can confide in. Even though books are great, sometimes you just need to talk to someone who will encourage you spiritually. And remind you that love goes through seasons and you have to push through.
Posted by Carla1019[/QUOTE]

I'm going to do a thread either tonight or tomorrow with a list of marriage-related scriptures.

For those who are interested in reading the Bible, but unfamiliar with it or don't know where to start, YouVersion has a great Reading Plan for marriages. YouVersion is a Bible app for Blackberrys, Androids, and Apple stuff. If you download the app, you go to Reading Plans and you'll find a list of different plans. Each plan gives you a short reading for the day. There are probably a hundred different plans to choose from. The marriage one is really good.

(And mentors are a GREAT resource! Thanks for that one, Carla).

MrsJenrette

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_marriagerelationship-resources?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:2aa20e06-e896-4874-b1c9-e5d309a63d46Post:f1ada21c-c8b2-42c2-8967-24dcca725ac9">Re: Marriage/Relationship Resources</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay this is going to sound real smart butt but I am being serious.  The Bible.  Get into the habit of reading the bible and praying with your FI at least once a day.  Even if it is just one scripture.  There are thousands of books out there about how to have a good marriage but the original book is still the best. 
Posted by djscat[/QUOTE]

This!!... FI and I have been extremely busy lately with moving and planning (and job hunting) at the same time... but we are both very grounded in our faith. It has helped more than any book or website could ever help. The fellowship in church with other married couples, counseling with the pastor, reading the word and praying... those are all tools that we use, and will continue to use as we grow in God..

teamUS2012

I just had a great conversation about the whole idea of being "in love" and the different types of love as referred to in the Bible. One of my friends mentioned this website where he read an article that breaks it down really well.

I thought it was really good.

------------------------------------
LOVE - Is it a Losing Game

To most people in the world, LOVE; is an illusion or a LOSING game.
This is not necessarily true but it depends on how one sees LOVE.
Truthfully, LOVE is better experienced than one trying to explain it or to build an emotional picture based on other people’s relationships.
Some people’s LOVE is based on their emotions or feelings; to others, LOVE is based on a mutual friendship which can later develop into true love or turn sour or bitter and this can lead into hatred and frustration.
Yet LOVE is important for our daily life as human beings.
There are three types of LOVE: Filio, Eros and AGAPE

Eros

Eros is probably what most people mean when they tell their friends about a new relationship, "I'm in love", they say but this type of love is based on warm fuzzy feelings or strong sensual passions. It is centred on the situation; in other words, while the people involved are enjoying their romance, it will thrive but when hurtful words or ill feelings arises the love quickly fades away.

Eros can also be based on a person's perception. It can grow strong very fast and make one feel that they are on top of the world but it quickly fades away once a lack of trust sets in.

Regardless of our good actions, we cannot stop people from doubting or despising us, this simply shows that we cannot determine how others will perceive us nor are we lords over our own circumstances. Although Eros can cause us to feel happy, refreshed and energetic; it is only momentarily and cannot be compared to AGAPE.

Filio

This type of love is based on friendship i.e. a relationship between friends. This type of LOVE may be great while it lasts but it is not reliable in other words, it is subject to change as ones situation changes. A filio relationship can face an uphill task when the other spouse’s actions are misinterpreted. It can also fade away due to harsh words, long separation from one another or with time. Filio is emotionally embodied (The situation changes by our perception and expectations of the other party). Filio does not attend to the God’s kind of LOVE (AGAPE).

Agape (God’s kind of LOVE)

Unlike the previous two types of love, agape is not limited to its environment and someone's perception. The reason why agape excels above the other types of love is because it is based upon the commitment of a decision. Agape love is a predetermined gesture or the decision to proactively seek someone else’s well-being. It does not force itself on anyone and is capable of existing even in a hostile environment i.e. where there are no warm feelings.

Luke 6:35a “But love your enemies, do good and lend, hoping for nothing in return”.

Agape LOVE is not a losing game.

Agape LOVE is not an illusion. But those who are in a relationship, should search out the meaning of LOVE (1 Corinthians13) and abide in its principles, to enable them to enjoy true LOVE.

In life, if you follow the rules of a game or the rules of law, you will not easily fall victim of such, I have listed below a guide to help you find true LOVE.

Rules that guide LOVE (AGAPE)

• 
  1. Trust: You must have confidence in your spouse i.e. you should have a firm reliance on the integrity or the character of your spouse. How you feel when your spouse goes out with his or her friends speaks volumes about the trust that you have for one another.
• 
  2. Respect: You must esteem your spouse for who he /she is and recognise the sense of worth or excellence in each other; i.e. their personal qualities or abilities: You should have respect for his/her judgement. You should refrain from intruding on your spouse’s affairs or interfering with his/her privacy except they are willing to share their feelings with you, do not put much pressure on them: Respect the person's privacy.
• 
  3. Patience: Patience is your ability to exercise the power of suffering with fortitude; uncomplaining, endurance through pain, insults, oppression, calamity, etc; Strengthened with all might, unto all patience and long-suffering. -Col. 1. 11. A lot of people struggle here as they do not have any patience.
• 
  4. Sincerity: You should have an earnest and sincere feeling towards your spouse. This is the ability of you being open and truthful; not deceitful or hypocritical; Your sincerity will inspire your spouse to believe in you.
• 
  5. Honour: To show respect towards your spouse; this should not be done out of compulsion, constrain or force but because you know it is right.
• 
  6. Humility: Is your ability of being willing to waive your rights, and take a lower place than might be your due. It does not require us to underrate ourselves.
  The state or quality of being humble; freedom from pride and arrogance; lowliness of mind; a modest estimate of one's own worth; a sense of one's own unworthiness through imperfection and sinfulness; self-abasement; humbleness. It is an act of submission.
• 
  7. Discreet: Your have to be wise, cautious and not saying anything which might cause trouble. You ability to conceal or keep secret what your spouse has told you in confidence. Your spouse will trust you when you are discreet. Remember what Proverbs 14:1 says, “A wise woman builds her house but the foolish pulls it down with her hands”.

GOD IS LOVE (1John 4: 8): Love is the basic ingredient which forms the basis of all life
If you fine God through Jesus Christ and abide in His word, LOVE will work for you.
If you ignore the WORD of God, LOVE – to you will be an ILLUSION or a LOSING GAME.
The God kind of LOVE (AGAPE) conquers fear and it does not count error.
Love is KIND
Love does not envy
Love is not puffed up
Love does not behave rudely
Love does not seek its own
Love thinks no evil
Love bears all
Love believes all
Love endures all
Love never fails.
Trust God today to lead you to Love someone with the God kind of LOVE (AGAPE).
There is joy in loving someone uncompromisingly.

teamUS2012

Also: www.marriagebuilders.com

teamUS2012

http://www.familylife.com