a little lost... (semi-long)

pirategirlpink

So here's my story. FI popped the question on Sept. 4th (yay).  Everyone is happy. September 24th. (our anniv.) my grandmother has a heart attack and doesnt make it. We were very close.  So now i'm super depressed.  Yes I still want to have a wedding and all that, it sort of distracts me.i just can't make any decisions. i need time to grieve. my FMIL, however, is continuously harassing us about booking venues and blah blah... we have time right? my BM had her wedding planned in 4 months and it was super cute. can i just tell her to leave me alone? in my head i have decided to change the date to my late grandmother's wedding anniv. which is july 9th. FI is totally supportive. If I tell FMIL this she is just going to get even more insistant. If it comes down to it, we'll go to the courthouse on july 9th and have the wedding later. I"m just too emotional for picking out BM dresses and a color palate atm...

sarack

I'm so sorry for your loss. You need time to grieve. The wedding can hold on. Also, yes you have time. You may not be able to pick all your favorite choices but you'll have time. Especially since July 9th is a friday next year, you should be doing pretty good. If you and FI want your anniversary to be on hers, I say do it. Whether you can get a wedding going or you just want to go to the JOP in street clothes, do whatever you want. Tell FI to tell FMIL to back off a little. She should be more understanding.

KatieFlygirl09

first off, im soo sorry to hear about your grandmother, i know it will take some time to get over.  And it is completely understandable that you are having trouble with anything wedding related at the moment, if you weren't, i'd worry about you.  Try explaing to FMIL that you need to take the time you need to grieve and when u feel its right you will be able to focus more on the wedding.  There is plenty of time to take care of everything, and btw, i think its a great idea to have the date set for your grandma's wedding anniversary.  And trust me, there is no shame in having a courthouse ceremony and having the big wedding later.  Thats what me and my better have did(he was in the army when we got married and we were too strapped for much more than JP).Hang in there, take the time you need, and dont let FMIL stress you out more than you are.

BrandyL10

You poor thing! You definitely deserve time to grieve! And anyone who is pushy about the wedding, tell them to back off! You have plenty of time to plan your wedding, it's next summer! And I think that is great you want to have it on your Gma's anniversary. Very sweet. If you get any more flack from people, let them know that this is your wedding, and it will happen when you are ready. Sending you good vibes! I hope things get better!

jeannigirl

My heart goes out to you for the loss of your grandma. No you do not have to do anything until you feel that you can. You do need that time to heal over this. Its remarkable disturbing that your FMIL appears to not comfort you and hold you up. I would think that your FI needs to have a little sit down face to face with momma.

d_smith79

I'm so so sorry you lost your Grandmother. I know how hard it is to lose someone close to you. I think you should do what is right for you and our FI, not your FMIL. If you are not comfortable doing it, maybe your FI needs to talk to his Mother and ask her to back off (he may want to say it a little nicer than that). You need time to grieve. Bottom line. Your wedding and the planning process is an importnat and exciting time for you and your FI. You should be in a good place where you can enjoy it and not feel rushed or distracted. As far as how long it takes to plan a wedding, I think that will depend on what you are looking for. Yes, you can plan a wedding in 4 months but my guess is it will be stressful and overwhelming to do so. I'm at the 4 month mark today, and I think it would be really tough to just be starting and I'm having a small wedding of 60 guests.I hope you are able to get the support you need and the time to grieve the loss of your Grandmother. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

dmw_2010

I'm so sorry to hear this - I wouldn't be able to plan a wedding either if I'd just lost a close relative. You've still got plenty of time to plan and figure out what you and FI want to do for your wedding. Take the time you need for yourself and then start figuring it out when your ready. I'd also get FI on your side and ask him to deal with FMIL. You don't need that stress right now.

Tygirljojo

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I completely agree with PPs - you need to allow yourself time to grieve, and I think you need to talk with FI about how you FMIL is really stressing you when all you really need right now is some time.  It's his mother and IMO he should be able to stand up for you and explain to her why she needs to back off.

jesgreg

Of course you need time to grieve! I think people just get excited when you first get engaged.  When we got engaged, over a year ago, there was a constant stream of questions on what we were doing for a few months, then it just settled down.  Now no one really asks us anything, it just kind of comes up whenever we talk about it.  This is your time to heal.  You are allowed to take all the time you want.  Have your FI deal with his mom if it's too upsetting for you.

melissa82

I am sorry for your loss.I agree with pps--FI needs to tell mom to back off for a while.

MrsH8172010

These girls all gave you good advice already so I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss and you deserve whatever time you want and need to grieve.

pirategirlpink

Thank you all so much for your advice. I'm going to have FI tell her i need some time before I start doing wedding stuff.  Right now its still hard to think about my grandmother not helping me plan and be there to see me.  Thankfully my family and my FI are very supportive in all this. Its just very overwhelming.  You ladies are so nice! I feel better about the MIL situation now.

therickson

I read your post earlier and did not have time to write back... I may be repeating everything the ladies said above but I wanted to say it myself! Take all the time you need... FI can talk to his mother and work that part out... It is hard to lose a grandparent you are close to... I never could have imagined planning a wedding after my grandmother passed away.. A wedding is what you make it! It does not have to be the perfect place or the perfect vendor... What is important is the man that you are marrying and the people that are there with you... Everything will work out no matter how little time you have left. It is so eay to get caught in the stress of having a "perfect day". Just know that you are going to marry the man that you love and look on that day fondly no matter where it is or what photographer yo have! I hope you feel better soon and if you ever need to talk to someone let me know! I went through (still am sometimes) a hard time after losing my grandmother...

pixiepink22

I'm just a little confused on what the rush is for your FMIL? My FI and I were engaged 3 years before I started planning. It just wasn't the right timing until about 2 months ago when everything just seemed right and I had the money and time to plan it. I hope things get better and you are back to feeling excited to plan again. Weddings are supposed to be fun, not forced.

dmw_2010

Some families just get REALLY excited. My FMIL was all over us for a date just 2 weeks after we'd gotten engaged. It dies down after while, though.