HELP!!!!!!!

dlthompson22

Hey Ladies,
Just wondering how many are in your BP? How many GM and BM do you have?
Im just starting the processs of replanning my wedding because it was post poned. As I look over those I chose I begin to realize that half of the girls (family included) I dont even speak with like that. Should I refund them the money that was paid down on there dresses? How can I tell them the reason they are no longer part of the party?

TIA

tyboyd

We both started with 4 people. By wedding day, we both had 2. I liked it that way.

As for the rest of your question... IDK. I know the other ladies can help you with this better than I can.

dlthompson22

Thanks TY

msapril0730

We both had 7 on each side. I wish I had 3 or 4 because dealing with so many different personalities was such a headache.

If you decide to reduce you party tell them that you decided to go with a more intimate size party... Idk?!

prncsz

Started with 8 guys and girls now down to 7 guys and girls.

kiyamurph

We have 5 on each side and 1 flower girl and a broom bearer since we're jumping the broom.

As for your situation, I'm going to be honest here...there's no good way to tell someone that they're no longer part of the wedding party without offending anyone or hurting anyone's feelings.  Now if some of them are acting a fool and being disrespectful that's one thing, but to tell them that they're no longer a part of the wedding party because you're re-planning and now you're re-thinking everything isn't the way to go about it in my opinion.  I think the only way out of it is if you tell them that you're having an intimate wedding, and by intimate I mean about 15 close family and friends, and you're no longer having a bridal party at all and that you'll refund their money.  If you get rid of some and keep others you're going to start a war and possibly lose some friends.

dlthompson22

@KIYAMURPH I cant agree with you more.
 Im thinking I will still extend the offer to all and if they decide not to be with the party thats on them. That way they can kick themselves out. Im alredy knowing some that like to be in charge who may be kicked to the curb anyway.

Gift928

Right now i'm at 7 bms, 7 gms..UGHHHHHHHH, i sooo badly wanna cut it down to 4. I wish i would've thought abt this THOROUGHLY. I think the excitement just got to me at the early stages of planning. Oh well.

kwillia139

I went from 7 on each side to none! But my mama begged me to have at least onse stand by our sides. My FI couldn't decided between 3 for just one so now we have 3 on each side and a flower girl and ring bearer.

Ky925

we have 3 on each side, I'm contemplating adding an additional BM because my "maid of honor" is a man, so just to balance things oiut I might just add one but idk don't feel like dealing with any drama and clashing personalities.  I think the best thing to do is be honest, no matter how you try to avoid hurting feelings it's going to happen any way. 

lil01

We had 5 on each side.

I would think just being honest is the best thing to do. Are you getting rid of everyone or just some folks? And are there reasons why you are getting rid of them individually (causing drama, no cooperation, etc.)? I guess I would need to know those answers before I could give my opinion.

Kedeisha8

i started with 4 included the FI sisters but then after they started throwing shade my way i nip it in the bud n down to 2 my sis n my cuz may go to 3 or 4 but not his sis they are not really happy so i dont wanna no screw face pic

as for your party I think u can jsut say as u kow the wedding we are replanning so cut down the list but u cannot replace ppl with others that were not on the list in the first place n not expect them to get mad

M1ssJ

9 on each side not counting the FG and RB. I couldn't agree more about telling people they won't be in it for no real reason. Its hurtful

TNMurray

3 on each side and loving it

simbidi

We're doing 2 + 2.  Sweet and mostly simple!

mikimoto6

I am a wedding planner, so was purposeful in wanting a small party. I have one attendant but its a long story.  I asked my childhood BFF to be my one and only attendant.  I chose her because I know she will take good care of me. Meanwhile, another close friend assumes she is going to be my attendant when I tell her I am only planning to have one.  I love her, but didn't ask her because she is someone who has great ideas but isn't detail oriented.  (e.g. she invites people out for my birthday and fails to make a reservation at a small lounge.  needless to say they had to hustle to make space for us. do you see where this might go for the wedding?)

My other friend isn't the most stable emotionally. I tell the BFF (a clinical psychologist) of my other friends declaration and she responds: let her stand up for you so that we avoid her having to be 72 hour held over something like this.  She has agreed to help with my shower and act as my DOC so that I won't try to manage my own wedding.  

I didn't want to get into the business of managing a wedding party, choosing their outfits and going through all they can entail.  The sad thing is my self-selected attendant is trying to create a non-existant power dymanic between her and my BFF.  BFF doesn't care that much about the title, or the attention.  She just wants me to be happy with my day.   

I have been fortunate to dodge the BM bullet all these years because I always offer to coordinate for my friends instead of having to be in the stepford club.  Hoping to avoid it for as long as I can.  

dlthompson22

Thanks Ladies,
The reason behind cutting out some folks is I've found out they have been talking shh behind me and fi back. You smile in our face like your so happy but then word gets back that you dont know why we getting married? And no it wasnt hear say I was on the phone with another party when it was said. I mean I choose my BP with ladies that have been there for me and fi and know us. I thought what was suppose to be Family ( Real Blood Cousins) not no oh we grew up together type stuff.
I think that once we set the new date for sure, I will invite the ladies over for lunch extend the invatation again to be a BM,lay out rules and go from there. If they decide not to participate then thats on them.