WHY ME I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND!!!!

smtayloriv

UGH WHY SO MUCH DRAMA SURROUNDING ME? MY FAMILY DIDNT EVEN COME TO MY BRIDAL SHOWER (NOT EVEN MY MAMA) INSTEAD THEY CHOOSE TO TALK ABOUT ME ON FACEBOOK AND MAKE UP THINGS AND CALLED ME NAMES IT TOOK ALL THE STRENGTH THAT WAS IN ME TO NOT GO OFF AND IF IT WASN'T FOR MY FI I REALLY WOULD HAVE (sorry I'm a little upset dont mean to seem like Im yellin) anywho I've been called everything and everything has been said about me and my FI that could possibly be said I want to scream I want to cry but I can't! Idk what to do I haven't done anything to get such treatment ex bf's inboxing my FI. They told everybody he was gay and made up all kind of stories Im trying to let it go but I'm SO ANGRY!

alpresberry

I can tell you are angry, hurt, and probably a bunch of other things, but hang in there. Its hard to give additional advice without knowing a little more info, but just try to focus your energy towards the positive things.  Just think, soon you will be marrying your soulmate. 

teamUS2012

Wow. I'm praying you find peace and strength in the midst of all this turmoil.

Baesmom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_just-dont-understand?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:5bf1388e-b5d6-458c-8059-66bf16efe389Post:5c0b8429-dc63-4888-b8a6-67baa592829c">Re: WHY ME I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]I can tell you are angry, hurt, and probably a bunch of other things, but hang in there. Its hard to give additional advice without knowing a little more info, but just try to focus your energy towards the positive things.  Just think, soon you will be marrying your soulmate. 
Posted by alpresberry[/QUOTE]

i agree with PP.  You just gotta stay strong and focus on the future you are building with your man. 

smtayloriv

If I got into detail I promise u guys would be ready to fight! SMH I have a child @ home if I wanted to play with children I have one but this is just out of line!

teamUS2012

You know what I find?

I find that when you eliminate drama-prone people from your life, you eliminate drama (or at least, greatly reduce it).

I used to wonder how/why is it that some people always seem to be in the middle of drama and woeful stories and issues and disasters and stuff, meanwhile I practically NEVER have drama (and I'm not bragging here; there's a point to all this). Then, I realized that some people are surrounded by negative people. If everyone in your circle is loud, your world is going to be full of noise. If everyone in your circle is dramatic or reckless, you're going to have a lot of drama in your world. If they're all gossips, you're going to have a lot of mess in your world. I find that most of the people who have a lot of drama are surrounded by people who perpetuate drama. (And then there are some people that just like drama and no matter what they say, really don't want peace at all).

If you really want peace for your relationship and home, I strongly suggest you start examining these relationships, whether family or friends, and start using that delete button on FB and in real life. You CAN love from a distance. I don't have drama in my life, and it's not because I'm so wonderful or live a great life or anything. It's just because I deleted the people who disturb my peace.

Carla1019

100% Agree with TeamUs!

Without knowing the details I can give you a silver lining...

ELOPE!!!!!!

Just grab your man, put on a fabulous outfit get married in Vegas, on the beach, in the mountains, whatever floats your boat.

Save your money and leave these toxic relationships behind. When you get married you form a new family. Trust me! You are not alone. I have completely cut ties with certain family members and formed my new family. I don't regret it.

Take care

Edit: I just noticed you have 11 days to go. DON'T worry about the money. Losing money is not worth having family ruin your special day.

smtayloriv

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_just-dont-understand?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:5bf1388e-b5d6-458c-8059-66bf16efe389Post:c3587ef8-9f8a-4cde-a3bb-7d262df4f530">Re: WHY ME I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND!!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]You know what I find? I find that when you eliminate drama-prone people from your life, you eliminate drama (or at least, greatly reduce it). I used to wonder how/why is it that some people always seem to be in the middle of drama and woeful stories and issues and disasters and stuff, meanwhile I practically NEVER have drama (and I'm not bragging here; there's a point to all this). Then, I realized that some people are surrounded by negative people. If everyone in your circle is loud, your world is going to be full of noise. If everyone in your circle is dramatic or reckless, you're going to have a lot of drama in your world. If they're all gossips, you're going to have a lot of mess in your world. I find that most of the people who have a lot of drama are surrounded by people who perpetuate drama. (And then there are some people that just like drama and no matter what they say, really don't want peace at all). If you really want peace for your relationship and home, I strongly suggest you start examining these relationships, whether family or friends, and start using that delete button on FB and in real life. You CAN love from a distance. I don't have drama in my life, and it's not because I'm so wonderful or live a great life or anything. It's just because I deleted the people who disturb my peace.
Posted by teamUS2012[/QUOTE]

This is so true I've deleted these ladies all together I can't be on fb cursing and fussing with other adults whot could simply call me on the phone or better yet come to my home with my FI being 8,000 miles away its just crazy to have to put up with all this alone! He told me to stop justifying our wedding and explaing to everyone why we getting married so far away. He's says I DONT OWE THEM ANYTHING ITS NOT THERE DAY! Which is understandable but its so hard too A) TURN THE OTHER CHEEK and B) keep a level head when I wont be seeing my family again for a while after christmas this will be the last birthday's we all spend together, last christmas, last thanksgiving. But you ladies are so right I got to let go or its always going to be GIIIIIRRRRRLLLL so and so this and so and so that! I've never been the type of person to gossip or keep up confusion! But when things where said about me it was RECKLESS!

djscat

Let me give you some peace in your heart.  You only have 11 days to go.  At this point I say get through your wedding.  Enjoy your special day with your future husband and as PP said create the family you want.  I promise you when you do cut the people out of your life who are causing you pain God will replace them with people who will be understanding, considerate, and loving.  People who will help you grow and soar to new heights. 

I am speaking from experience.  My wedding is 4 months away and if I could I would switch almost every bridesmaid. LOL  I moved an hour away to be with FI and my girls and family lost their minds.  They continue to confess they are happy for me yet their actions show they are not.  I had to let go.  When I did a friend from my past who also lives up here stepped up and we just bonded.  God supernaturally hooked me up with a sista girl.  I also just found out another friend moved into the neighborhood.  Just give it to God.  He will deal with your family better than you ever could.  Focus on you and your FI.  Sending you (((HUGS)))

Ksk2012

Yea family is a mess. sometimes people are so unhappy although they try their best to be happy they arent.  Sometimes that unhappiness and disappointment in their own lives seeps onto other people in other people's space. This might be the case. 11 days!!!! get it girl!!

Kedeisha8

girl u are 11 days away it will be here before u know it i too dropped some friends and family that werent happy n i feel my blessing multiply its like theyv were blocking my blessings

nitaashanti78

smtayloriv I know exactly how you feel.  I JUST got engaged (like last Saturday) and both my mother and sister are saying they are happy for me, but not showing it.  My sister makes really negative comments on FB about how FI and I express our love stating "put a cap on this bullsh*t, it's too much" maintaining that it's too much "overlove" and we ought to keep it to ourselves. My mama JUST hugged us last weekend wishing us well, yet just told me yesterday that we are moving into marriage too fast and she thinks we ought to wait....I had arguments with them both, and I'm still reeling.  Now my sister is experiencing drama in her marriage and I think she's just feeling a way about me getting married, my mama feels how she feels because I was engaged before and it did not work out, all things I respected their opinion on.  I want to consider everyone's feelings, but why compromise mine?

As much as I'd love to have them be happier about my engagement I have had to realize that this is my life and I'm going to get married...I've made an agreement with myself to not entertain mess and drama even if that means cutting my sister out of my plans altogether.  It would hurt my heart but I've realized that this is my time right now.  Everybody has a right to happiness and peace.  And so do you!!  Soon this will all be over with and you'll have your husband right there with you.  As much as it pains us, sometimes we have to feed folks from a long handled spoon for our own sanity and happiness.  Pray pray and  pray again for those two things and for God to give you the words should you have to speak to anyone.  Praying for you!

PrettyCW5

I am praying for you in all this that you are dealing with. Family and friends often cause us greater hurt than we'd ever imagine. Continue to be yourself, be the woman who knows better and put the foolishness behind you. Focus on your marriage to your fiance'. Family and friends that say they are happy are for you sometimes really are but they don't know how to express the sadness they have within themselves because they "feel" that you are leaving them behind. I say this because my own mother and grandmother treated me like that. I could not for the life of me figure out why they would act this way when all along they had been telling me I should date someone like Jessie (my fiance'-who was at the time just my best friend).  In turn, they refused to listen to my wedding ideas, conversations about marriage, and even my hear about my job hunt, and just downright said some truly hurtful things and spoke outside of my character. But after remaining respectful and continuing to press on, I found out that they are truly happy they just didn't know how to express themselves. My mother also recently went through a divorce so I think she has some resentment and fear of me "walking out" on her and I had been the only child for so long.  So my sista, I will be praying for you and your FI as well as your family and friends. Be strong and just give it all to God. *HUGS*

tally7

Good Luck - can I also suggest that you stay away from facebook for a while? It may make you feel better or unfriend them - this is causing you stress

nitaashanti78

@tally7, FI and I have decided to keep wedding talk down to a minimum on Facebook anyway for awhile, not just because of my family but because we want to enjoy being engaged and plan our wedding without everybody being "in the biz".  I can't bring myself to unfriend my sister, but if she makes comments like that I simply delete them and keep it moving.  She has been doing this throughout my entire relationship with FI and I have talked to her about it.  She says she is happy for me, but just thinks the PDA between FI and me is too much for her to deal with.  However I was glad she could be honest with me and she apologized (on FB, not to me directly, go figure!) I am excluding her from planning for now because I feel she can't handle it without saying or being negative. Plus with things going on within her own marriage (she is not very happy) I don't think she needs to see or hear anything wedding related right now.  If she asks about it I'll talk about it but only if she asks.

I think what PrettyCW5 said was on point regarding my sister.  For 32.5 years I've been single with no kids and living life and being available for her and I think she is worried that once I gain an husband and children I won't be anymore, like I might be forgetting about her.  I think eventually I will have to have a heart to heart with her about this, but I don't think that now is the time.  I'm praying for the right time though.