African American Weddings

Submit to your husband....

An Auntie on FI's side left us a message on our website guest book. She said and I quote, "Love Your wife and wife submit to your husband"

I know this is in the bible but will this statement be in your wedding ceremony?

I never really considered it before because I have heard it so many times but to have someone tell me on my guest book I just paused for a second. It gave me a little chuckle but just curious how you all feel about it.
Wedding date July 7, 2012

Re: Submit to your husband....

  • I don't see a problem with it. FI and I took a class at church and they said its just the word submit that makes people tense. So if in reading scripture you replace "submit" with "love" then there isn't a problem and seemingly easy to do on both sides.
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  • I'm not a fan of terms like obey and submit. We are doing personal vows. We're also not having any readings.
  • The bible states in that same verse that he is to also submit to you.  I never understood how that part gets missed.  Now u got me on a mission to find the exact wording.
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  • After 2 1/2 years of really walking with God, I think I've learned so much about  Ephesians 5:22-33. She quotes just a piece of this large part of scripture. I think that why we as women sometimes, including myself, get tense about the word submit. The church (sometimes) does not teach the whole concept, so we as members pull out pieces and parts. She more than likely means well and asking you both to keep the whole concept in mind. Just my soap box.

    We are not using it in the wedding, but I'm sure it will come up in the message or someone's toast, I'm sure. 


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  • RealHappyGalRealHappyGal member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited June 2012

    22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

    25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.


    That is the verse more completely and when read in entirety it isnt so offensive as people say.  No it doesnt say "submit" both ways.  But I actually read a book called "Love and Respect" that really delves into this.  Why the word "love" is used for the husbands and "respect"  is used for the wives. 

    In the authors explanation he goes into (and this is a loooooose summary) of how when a woman is mad at a man, the hardest thing for her to do is respect and submit to him.  And this is what he needs the most.  That when a man is mad at a woman, the hardest thing for him to do is to be loving to her, and this is what she needs the most. 

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_submit-to-your-husband?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:61858d91-1515-414d-b1a0-37e2034373efPost:6378be6c-77d9-46d6-aaef-d6e5069fd6ef">Re: Submit to your husband....</a>:
    [QUOTE]22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head   <strong>No it doesnt say "submit" both ways.  But I actually read a book called "Love and Respect" that really delves into this.  Why the word "love" is used for the husbands and "respect"  is used for the wives.  In the authors explanation he goes into (and this is a loooooose summary) of how when a woman is mad at a man, the hardest thing for her to do is respect and submit to him.  And this is what he needs the most.  That when a man is mad at a woman, the hardest thing for him to do is to be loving to her, and this is what she needs the most.  
    </strong>Posted by RealHappyGal[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for pointing that out, that is a very good point. And so true. How easy it is for us to forget that our men need our respect maybe more than our love? I just realized that when I lose respect for a man, the relationship is basically over soon after.
    Wedding date July 7, 2012
  • I've no problem with it either being in the ceremony.  I will "concede" to The Dude when I think it is appropriate.  LOL! 



    Love is the ultimate superpower.   
    It can make you weak and strong simultaneously.  



  • It is up to the person. I am going with love honor and cherish... to the end of my days.

  • Fairness is when she loves him, and he loves her. She respects him, and he respects her. Love and respect are two different things, and both partes need to show and receive both actions.
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