African American Weddings

Dilemma**Ceremony w/ out Reception**

We are having a small intimate ceremony outside with approx 50 ppl. The location does not have a place were we can have a simple cake/punch reception...(S/N...we plan on having the larger reception when we return from our honeymoon)...anyhoo...so the elders in our family seem to think that its tacky not to have some sort of small reception or dinner after the ceremony. So here are the ideas that I've been able to come up with so far:
(A) Dinner at a resturant (But would we have to pay for everyone??)
(B) Get a party bus or shuttle and relax at a few local blues and jazz spots or
(C) forget what the elders think and just thank those that attended the ceremony and have the reception when we return.

Any suggestions would be appreciated and please be BRUTALLY HONEST!! =)


Re: Dilemma**Ceremony w/ out Reception**

  • edited December 2011

    DiamondsGyrl ,  I am going to be real Honest . I say C because it is your day not theirs! If you have talk to your Fi about all this already, noone else opinion matters. The Elders isn't going to pay for the reception, or give the time to organize the reception. DO Not be afraid to be a trend setter and get away from tradition!!

  • edited December 2011
    So after the ceremony, are you going to just leave or try to stick around and convo with your guests?


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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks Cherry..my Fiance and I discussed it and he was okay with it honestly. So I really didn't plan on having one at all until the elders put up a fuss and with the venue already booked and deposits out I can't change it.... so I just might do that!
  • edited December 2011

    We were going to stick around and mingle..we will have a saxophonist there to serenade us until we leave..and we aren't expeting gifts nor are we registering anywhere so I thought not having one the same day would be okay..

  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
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    edited December 2011
    I guess I'm confused, is your ceremony a destination deal?
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  • vsgalvsgal member
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    edited December 2011
    The elders are putting up a fuss because it is a very tacky thing to do.  You have to host some kind of reception.  This is not tradition.  This is common sense, good manners and proper hosting.  Yes, you have to pay for it.  Do a cake and punch over non-meal times at a separate location. Do  dinner at a restaurant--yes, you pay. You have to do something.
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  • desi2002desi2002 member
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    edited December 2011
    hmmm.... I honestly think that if its your wedding, your money, your time, then YOU CHOOSE PERIOD.
    But also remember that whatever decision that you make, you have to live with it forever.
    If I were in your situation, I would plan a little something... maybe cake and punch... and then have the big shebang when you came back since you are already planning on that.
    BUT IT IS ABOUT YOU GUYS GIRL!! This is your guys decision to make, so dont let anyone pressure you. GL
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  • edited December 2011
    You should just have a simple cake and punch reception for your guests. Since the elders are so concerned, perhaps one of them would like to volunteer to host. My sister and her now husband were in the midst of planning a big wedding and building a home at the same time and it just became too overwhelming. They decided to go to the courthouse and have the ceremoney. My mom and I hosted a small, simple family reception for friends and family. I actually made the cake (I've got skillz, lol) and most of the other food too. We literally had a spread and about 60 people come thru, and it was around $350. Now keep in mind that I have serious "catering as a second career once I retire from medicine" aspirations so I went all out with the food. But you could probably keep it simple and get your cake from Sams Club or Publix, make a simple punch and placate your elders for around $150.
  • edited December 2011
    I guess I look at it like this.  To be honest, it's not just your day when you choose to invite other people.

    Consider it from their perspective.  Your guests take time out of their lives to see you guys get married.  Some might even have to travel from out of town and get a room.  Even if you're not asking for gifts, people will probably feel like they need to give you guys something.  So it's not like they aren't making a sacrifice already for your sake.  A reception is a "thank you" to your guests for taking the time (and in many cases money) to participate in the big day.  It's a sign of gratitude. 

    I'm sorry, but I have to side with the elders on this one.  Your reception doesn't have to be crazy elaborate or expensive, but you really should have something, and it should be the same day as the ceremony.  You don't have to hold the reception at the same place as the ceremony.  Like you, my FI and I are getting married outside with a guest list not much bigger than yours, and the lodges at the park are booked for our day.  So we're having our reception at a different location 15 minutes away.  My point in bringing that up is that there are options if you can't hold your reception at the ceremony site.
  • TNMurrayTNMurray member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I dont understand how your location doesn't have any space for cake or punch, not a foyer not even in the same room as the ceremony? I am an its ur day kinda girl but I agree with the elders, You can do a reception for under $200. Order a sheet cake from costcos/bjs/sams club/walmart/grocery store and veggie or cheese tray. Put together some punch. 50 people isn't a lot to move, maybe someone can offer their house or backyard.
  • hotrocker2011hotrocker2011 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    IMO, i would do what ever i could afford.... If you just want to have a small ceremony then have a big reception a few months later then go for it, if you want to have the ceremony and a cake/punch reception the same day go for it.....Even though your guests are taking the time to see you guys get married, its still your choice in the end, and im sure everyone of your guest would understand if having the reception the same day is just out of you guys budget.....I though about having a small ceremony then having the reception after the honeymoon, but then that would have meant even more planning and time going to something else, so i just decided to do it all in one day.....There are some good ways to cut costs if you do decide to have them both the same day...BUT ITS YOUR CHOICE....
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_dilemmaceremony-w-out-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:64075b27-2b3e-4f44-bc4a-2afe7701041aPost:5a194664-2da1-48be-ad8c-f1043edc6ee2">Re: Dilemma**Ceremony w/ out Reception**</a>:
    [QUOTE]<span style="font-weight:bold;" class="Apple-style-span">I guess I look at it like this.  To be honest, it's not just your day when you choose to invite other people. Consider it from their perspective.  Your guests take time out of their lives to see you guys get married.  Some might even have to travel from out of town and get a room.  Even if you're not asking for gifts, people will probably feel like they need to give you guys something.  So it's not like they aren't making a sacrifice already for your sake.  A reception is a "thank you" to your guests for taking the time (and in many cases money) to participate in the big day.  It's a sign of gratitude.  I'm sorry, but I have to side with the elders on this one.  Your reception doesn't have to be crazy elaborate or expensive, but you really should have something, and it should be the same day as the ceremony.  You don't have to hold the reception at the same place as the ceremony.</span>  Like you, my FI and I are getting married outside with a guest list not much bigger than yours, and the lodges at the park are booked for our day.  So we're having our reception at a different location 15 minutes away.  My point in bringing that up is that there are options if you can't hold your reception at the ceremony site.
    Posted by marinabreeze[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This exactly.  At the end of the day, yes, it's you and your FH's day, but at the same time people are taking time out of their busy schedules to come and celebrate this joyous occassion with you.  I think that you at least have to do <span style="font-style:italic;" class="Apple-style-span">something</span>.  No, it doesn't have to be elaborate or it doesn't even need to be at a restaurant, just cake and punch like pp said.  There has to be somewhere (foyer, a park, etc.) where 50 people have enough room to rub elbows and eat cake and punch.  Is there at least someone who can fry up some chicken wings???  I guess I just like to put myself in someone else's shoes, and if I were invited to someone's wedding where all we did was watch the ceremony and then mingle I'd be a little disappointed.  I'd be wishing for at least a piece of cheese and a cracker.  I think you and your FI may need to sit down and really brainstorm and come up with a little something to do.

    </div>
  • edited December 2011
    Oh and I meant to add that in answer to your question about having a reception at a restaurant...yes you absolutely have to pay for everyone if that's what you choose.  There's no ifs, ands, or buts about that one.
  • edited December 2011
    Hello Ladies....Thank you all for your advise and suggestions...After a great amount of phone calls and shifting..We found a location where we can have the ceremony outside and the reception at the same place. We had to move our wedding day from saturday to sunday and will forfeit a couple deposits but in the end I think its for he best! And saves having to plan for two seperate events.
    Thanks!!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_dilemmaceremony-w-out-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:64075b27-2b3e-4f44-bc4a-2afe7701041aPost:d16e7644-04e9-45c8-ad95-2b14c96f5fc6">Re: Dilemma**Ceremony w/ out Reception**</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hello Ladies....Thank you all for your advise and suggestions...After a great amount of phone calls and shifting..We found a location where we can have the ceremony outside and the reception at the same place. We had to move our wedding day from saturday to sunday and will forfeit a couple deposits but in the end I think its for he best! And saves having to plan for two seperate events. Thanks!!
    Posted by DiamondsGyrl[/QUOTE]

    Great!

    I honestly think its best because I probably would not come to someone's wedding for about 30 minutes & leave to go home if I were coming from out of town. There are only selective people (very few) that I would do all of that traveling for just a ceremony. Just being honest. But I'm glad it all worked out for you guys. 
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  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
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    edited December 2011
    Yay glad it worked out
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm glad you guys were able to work it out :-)
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