NWR parenting issue

20pearls16

Hey ladies. First let me say married life the second time is so much better even if I'm only 3 weeks in lol. Anywhoo. I know some of you on here have older children like me and can give me some advice. I have 3 children from my previous marriage  20,14,12. My 12 year old son and I got into it last night because he (recently) feels that he can talk to me any old way. I am an old school black mama who doesn't tolarate disrespect. You will not live in my house and talk to me any old way. My DH tries not to get get involved because my son has a involved father and doesn't want to step on his toes. I am fine with his postion. Last night it came to a head and I said , "look do you want to go live with your father" and he said yes. I kindly helped him pack his books and football equipment and dropped him off at his dad's house. Today I am sad but I know I did the right thing. His dad and I have a week to week custody agreement so he was used to being there anyway. Plus we live 5 minutes away from each other. My question is have any of you had a child who stated they wanted to live with the other parent and how did you handle it emotionally?

MissusD1116

Aww man! I hate this kinda stuff...maybe he is feeling a certain way because of the wedding just happening and all. Sometimes boys, especially the older ones get to smelling themselves A LOT around this age. I know that GG loves her dad and always wants to go visit him, even though I dread it sometimes. She likes to go, because they let her run a muck and there isn't much discipline. When she is at home, I'm the prison warden, with zero tolerance. She has made the statement that she wished me and her dad were together, but I think that's because ALL kids at some point want their parents together until they are old enough to understand why you guys AREN'T together. Maybe you and Lil Man need to talk, just you two and let him know that even though DH is "The Husband" now, it doesn't change you and Lil Man's relationship, he prolly needs some reassurance is all. I had to let GG know that even though FI and I are getting married, she's still my number one girl!

20pearls16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_nwr-parenting-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6da2d9a5-59cb-4e16-81f6-f00880b14c47Post:9db97cef-f56d-4cd6-b36e-493f7f882dbc">Re: NWR parenting issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Aww man! I hate this kinda stuff...maybe he is feeling a certain way because of the wedding just happening and all. Sometimes boys, especially the older ones get to smelling themselves A LOT around this age. I know that GG loves her dad and always wants to go visit him, even though I dread it sometimes. <font color="#ff0000">She likes to go, because they let her run a muck and there isn't much discipline. When she is at home, I'm the prison warden, with zero tolerance. </font>She has made the statement that she wished me and her dad were together, but I think that's because ALL kids at some point want their parents together until they are old enough to understand why you guys AREN'T together. Maybe you and Lil Man need to talk, just you two and let him know that even though DH is "The Husband" now, it doesn't change you and Lil Man's relationship, he prolly needs some reassurance is all. I had to let GG know that even though FI and I are getting married, she's still my number one girl!
Posted by MissusD1116[/QUOTE]


This right here is the issue! We have had the "talk". This behavior isn't new but the level of disrespect is. I believe he is mimicing his dad because we no longer have a decent relationship. He is very bitter still about our divorce and feels he can talk to me any old way and I feel my son is feeding off of that.

pearls687

 YGPM Soror

RealHappyGal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_nwr-parenting-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6da2d9a5-59cb-4e16-81f6-f00880b14c47Post:873358a0-d8e6-4bd5-9a56-2406b9b6efb0">Re: NWR parenting issue</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR parenting issue : This right here is the issue! We have had the "talk". This behavior isn't new but the level of disrespect is. I believe he is mimicing his dad because we no longer have a decent relationship. <strong>He is very bitter still about our divorce and feels he can talk to me any old way and I feel my son is feeding off of that.
</strong>Posted by 20pearls16[/QUOTE]

This is a major problem.  Seriously I'd think about if you cant get exhus along for some type of family counsiling. 

Also, I dont think Id worry too much about him wanting to live with dad.  It can really only turn out to be a very good idea... where he bond more with daddy, learn how to be a man and grow better, or a bad idea in which he comes back home to you more ready to get his dag on act together (I have a 12y/o son to.)

Pearls, hes just at that age where its all about getting what you want regardless of consequenses.  Its hard to not take it personal but, it is what it is.  Not too long is dad going to stand for a mini man in the house who is disrespectful.... and even if he isnt disrespectful to dad, its but so long before the teenaged demon starts to peek out... Then the question will be how is dad gonna handle that? 

He is your son, you have raised him, he loves you.  Hes 12, he doesnt even know if his favorite color is blue or green much less who he wants to live with. 


I say, put some shades on, grab a coconut mixed drink with umbrella and a beach chair to see what happens next.