Wedding Faux pas: Cash Bar. Really?!

mrswac58

    I just saw an article here on the knot asking people what they felt was a wedding Faux Pas. A Cash Bar was on the list. I totally disagree and don't understand why people are so harsh about that. They really get heated about not being able to get wasted for free on someone elses dime. To me it's a preference and i prefer not to pay for it. So why is it faux pas? IDK.I feel like, If you want a drink that bad you will pay for it just like u would at a bar. Thoughts?

cyndon

I agree.  My FI and I are going back and forth with this issue.  The venue offers beer and wine as a part of our package, and also offers a full bar at one set price.  We know it would be a nice gesture to have an open bar for the guest, however that is money that could be spent somewhere else or not at all (LOL).  I know when i go to a wedding, I don't automatically expect them to have an open bar, I make sure that I have cash on me.  We are having an afternoon wedding, so who needs to be wasted as 3 and 4 o'clock in the afternoon?  Most likely we are not going with the open bar.  FI is very frugal :-)

hotrocker2011

Im doing a cash bar, and that's cause  the wedding starts at 2:30 and the reception ends at 6, and because it just cost way to much.....We will be paying for the toast but as for an open bar nope...that money can be used for something else...I agree with you ladies its each persons preference and its based on their budget....

2010Bride2be

It's definitely a regional thing. In some areas, it's accepted, and in some areas, it's frowned upon.

Personally, I don't like the idea of a cash bar. You invite your guests to celebrate with you and your reception is a 'thank you' to them. Asking them to break out their wallets just isn't right. (I put this in the same category with the 'dollar dance' , just irks me.)

However, if it's not in the budget to offer alcohol, then a cash bar may be necessary. A lot of guests are turned off when they get to a reception and 'adult beverages' are not offered (cash or not). In a case where it's simply not in the budget, then fine. But, please don't let the bride have 3 different expensive gowns or something else crazy expensive, but then not have an open bar. That's just wrong.

ebonyivory10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wedding-faux-pas-cash-bar-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:6f156dea-8541-432c-bbba-aa707ca96167Post:cfc782e0-d0dc-47fe-8ac1-e41a9b919cf9">Wedding Faux pas: Cash Bar. Really?!</a>:
[QUOTE]    I just saw an article here on the knot asking people what they felt was a wedding Faux Pas. A  Cash Bar was on the list. I totally disagree and don't understand why people are so harsh about that. They really get heated about not being able to get wasted for free on someone elses dime. To me it's a preference and i prefer not to pay for it. So why is it faux pas? IDK.I feel like, If you want a drink that bad you will pay for it just like u would at a bar. Thoughts?
Posted by mrswac58[/QUOTE]

I think it's a common misconception that people "want to get wasted".  Sure some do, but the majority of people probably just enjoy having a cocktail or two at a friend or loved one's wedding. The etiquette comes into play because it's believed it's bad form to ask your guests to pay for anything at an event you are hosting.  Etiquette is like a code of conduct and can be dependent on culture, so really people either choose to follow it or not. It's whatever you're comfortable with.  Personally, I would enjoy a drink at a wedding but wouldn't be upset about a cash bar. On the flip side, I just would not have felt right having a cash bar at my own wedding.

csuperstar02

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wedding-faux-pas-cash-bar-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:6f156dea-8541-432c-bbba-aa707ca96167Post:65b82d2a-a18b-4b9f-912c-57848edb5c8a">Re: Wedding Faux pas: Cash Bar. Really?!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>It's definitely a regional thing. In some areas, it's accepted, and in some areas, it's frowned upon.</strong>
Posted by 2010Bride2be[/QUOTE]

I think this is a big part of it. I had never seen/heard people so opposed to the idea of a cash bar before I joined TK. The logic behind it behind a faux pas etiquette-wise makes total sense, but I also don't think it's a big deal to make a decision based on your personal wedding/tastes/style/area or whatnot. My H was not feeling me on an open bar, ha. We ended up doing a cocktail hour and signature drink and beer/cash for the reception. 

hatroopes

I personally don't like cash bars - I feel like if you can't afford to serve alcohol, then it's ok to have a dry wedding - just let your guests know in advance that it's a dry wedding. I think people can do without a drink for a few hours and just celebrate with the couple, but I wouldn't ask my guests to come prepared to pay for anything - JMO.

mahoganieyes

I've been to 1 cash bar wedding and was not a fan. Fbil had 1 hr free drinks but turned into a cash bar. You should atleast let people know it will be a cash bar after 1hr of free drinks. Let me get my money ready! Lol

Now the dry wedding I went to was completly dry, meaning no water, no beer and no pop. Wth? That was a mess!

The other weddings that had free open bar was nice and really felt pampered as a guests. I typically do not drink but I did sometimes enjoy having a sip or two sometimes. I also attended a wedding that had drink tickets for the bar. That was cool too but people will pass of tickets to others.

desi2002

ive been to cash bar weddings, and i didnt have any problem with it... but im not a drinker so thats probably why it didnt bother me. i am NOT paying for an open bar, to me its a luxury... they are already eating $30 plates of food. i  do want my guests to be happy, but it is MY wedding. i honestly would prefer a dry wedding, but my venue is a resturant, so if the guests want to drink they will be able to order it.

mrswac58

@mahoganieyes_ WHAT?! no water?! Soda , NOTHIN!?!?- Yea thats real dry. That's a lil to far for me.lol


Thanks for all your thoughts. I never knew it was such a big deal until the knot. To me, it's still not. I'm just curious i guess.lol 've been to both types of weddings and didnt care either way.We are providing champagne and cider for the toast.  A hosted bar is offered with our wedding package but we don't really care to have it. His fam doesn't drink and would prefer cash bar.( they arent payin for it so it's just a suggestion. lol) They are also a bit judgmental and i dont wanna lay the smack down in my white dress. My fam and friends as well as FI's friends will def use it and i have never known of any of them looking down on anyone for havin a cash bar. With that being said , I also know that a few people who don't control their liquor WILL take advantage of it too. I don't really wanna give them that chance. And if we decide to do cash, I'll make sure people know in advance and i'll make sure not to invite anyone who will sit in the corner mad about or talk about me after.lol

Ok, Ok how about this.
If cash bar is a faux pas, What about wearin a white dress if you're not a virgin. LMAO!  Is that Faux pas, regional, or PP. Ya'll excuse me i'm bored

lil01

I do believe that having a cash bar at a wedding takes away the elegance & feels like you're standing in line at the bar in the club. However, weddings can be SO expensive & you gotta do what's sufficient for your pockets. Letting guests know ahead of time that there will be a cash bar is where etiquette kicks in....IMO. But whoever has a problem or an opinion can just stay home.

When its all said & done, I think its all about the preference of the couple.

M1ssJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wedding-faux-pas-cash-bar-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6f156dea-8541-432c-bbba-aa707ca96167Post:381951b9-8845-4511-b125-6496c717bdeb">Re: Wedding Faux pas: Cash Bar. Really?!</a>:
[QUOTE]I personally don't like cash bars - I feel like if you can't afford to serve alcohol, then it's ok to have a dry wedding - just let your guests know in advance that it's a dry wedding. I think people can do without a drink for a few hours and just celebrate with the couple, but I <strong>wouldn't ask my guests to come prepared to pay for anything - JMO.
</strong>Posted by hatroopes[/QUOTE]

This is exactly why I wouldn't do one and why most people think of it as Faux pas. I think it's in bad taste to ask someone who has spent money coming to your wedding paying for outfit, present, and maybe travel to come and then pay for a drink if they want one. I am not a proponent of 4-5 hours of open bar but I do think a mix or limited bars should be available. For instance I went to one where it was open bar for 2 hours then just juice and water. totally reasonable! I've also been to one where you had to pay for any drink besides water or iced tea. What?! I just spent $75 on your gift and almost $100 to travel to the wedding and I need to pay for a Sprite or a glass of wine. That's a bit unreasonable. If its a dry wedding and there is unlimited juice, soda , etc I think thats just fine but the first thing on my mind going to a wedding is not let me bring some cash in case I want a drink.

sadou02

I heard about Cash Bars being a faux pas.  But for me, I had to do it.  My parents are paying for my wedding and wanted a dry wedding but I wanted alcohol, so we reached a medium and it will be a 2 hour open bar, 2 hour cash bar.  I believe 2 hours is ample time to get the 2 or 3 drinks you may need. 
The whole concept of it being a way of thanking your guests is something Ive always had a problem with.  I think we thanked them with the $50 plated meal and a wonderful venue and a blessed ceremony. How does alcohol also add in the "thanking" process?  JMO

Dancerppf

As a guest I would be insuted after purchasing a shower gift, giving cash or a check at the wedding, buying a dress, maybe having to travel etc.. to be told at the wedding that I will then have to shell out more money to have a drink. Honestly weddings are extremely expensive for guest as well and that needs to be considered. Technically the cash/checks given at the wedding is supposed to cover the cost of the meal, therefore should people deduct what they had to pay in drinks from what they planned to give? As a fellow bride I understand the cost. But there are alternatives to a full bar. I'd suggest just serving wine.

ufsweetiebear

I agree with many of the posts. We had an open bar for the entire cocktail hour & reception. Originally, we were going to  have a cash bar but we're drinkers and so are our families so it felt wrong to ask them to travel to Florida for our wedding and then make them pay for drinks (DH's family is from Detroit & New Jersey; my friends and family are all over Florida) . It really is a personal decision and no one can fault you for it.

ebonyivory10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wedding-faux-pas-cash-bar-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:6f156dea-8541-432c-bbba-aa707ca96167Post:40c9127a-6101-46dc-b1d6-1b81d21c0b4a">Re: Wedding Faux pas: Cash Bar. Really?!</a>:
[QUOTE] Technically the cash/checks given at the wedding is supposed to cover the cost of the meal, therefore should people deduct what they had to pay in drinks from what they planned to give?
Posted by Dancerppf[/QUOTE]

I had never heard of this "cover your plate" thing regarding gifts until TK.  Do a lot of people view wedding gift giving like this? I thought it was whatever you can afford and want to give.  I'm just curious because what if someone doesn't give cash or a check or anything at all?

tcage001

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_wedding-faux-pas-cash-bar-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6f156dea-8541-432c-bbba-aa707ca96167Post:6c7d91a1-b7d9-4cb7-a68d-fba6916bf145">Re: Wedding Faux pas: Cash Bar. Really?!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wedding Faux pas: Cash Bar. Really?! : I had never heard of this "cover your plate" thing regarding gifts until TK.  Do a lot of people view wedding gift giving like this? I thought it was whatever you can afford and want to give.  I'm just curious because what if someone doesn't give cash or a check or anything at all?
Posted by ebonyivory10[/QUOTE] I think it's suppose to be some non written rule that the amount of your gift should at least cover the cost of your  plate.  I meanof course you should give whatever you can bu to come to a wedding empty handed would be a slap in the face to me but that's just me.<em> </em> As far as the cash bar goes I agree with a lot of the post and I think it's more of a prefrence thing as well. FI and I decided to have a semi open bar where we would pay for beer and wine only but if you want some liquor than you have to pay. Most of FI famly drinks beer and wine anyway so I figured we'll just go with that.

mrswac58

Wow, I never realized there are so many unspoken rules when it comes to planning a wedding. I thought you just invite em', feed them, party and send em home with a lil gift and some memories. Good thing we arent having a formal affair, id be lost. lil It's a lot to think about. Thanks for all the opinions and advice. I'll have to consult with my boo.lol

M1ssJ

It is a lot to consider! Etiquette and just plain coutesy  I think to bring a gift to a wedding that covers your plate or is within your means of giving. I honestly would not show up to a wedding with a gift. Just not right

krimson19

i've never been to a wedding with a cash bar.  if there was a cash bar, i wouldn't partake of it.  we were married at a private home.  we provided wine and beer, along with sodas, punch and water.  honestly i wouldn't have felt right having a bartender charge for drinks. 

like the other ladies have stated, it's your personal preference. 

ebonyivory10

Ok so going by the cover your plate idea, what do you do if you don't know what your plate costs?