Question: RE: Weddings in 2013 and beyond...

littlemissnatalie

This might sound like a dingle-berry type of question, but why do people plan their wedding 2 plus years down the road? I understand that saving money is a huge factor when it comes to wedding planning, but I'm a bit confused...My wedding happened one year to the day of our engagment, but I have seen several people whose weddings are in 2014...WTHeck??? 

Dancerppf

Planning more than 2 years in advanced always makes me curious. When I initially signed up for the knot I was engaged to someone else. Then I was inactive for quite some time and now I'm back. My fiance proposed on Christmas Eve and our wedding is August 27th. I couldn't put off my wedding for that many years, seeing people get engaged afterwards and marry before me and start a family. A friend of mine had a 2 year engagement and everyone asked constantly for details and why the delay. To each their own, I'm sure everyone's reasons are valid to them. I personally couldn't wait that long to do what GOD intended for me. If it was a money issue I would get married and have the wedding later.

littlemissnatalie

Oh wow! Thank you for that story! Very lucky guy who is getting you...For sure the first engagment was not meant, because you found your real love!!! Yaay you!!

Also, if money were an issue, I wouldn't wait either. My husband and I were broke too, but we MADE IT WORK!! Family made the day really come together, and most of our stuff was either hand made or we found the less expensive version of the high end stuff. Bottom line is, nobody will notice that stuff except you. Everyone thought our inexpensive everything looked high end and beautiful. Money is no excuse. I feel like if a man wants to marry you, he will push for a sooner date, not years down the line. A man who pushes to wait makes me believe he is unsure of the choice he made to get engaged...IDK...just an opinion though.

dlthompson22

Ok, But what about the ladies who makes the man wait? What if issues arrise that causes the wedding to post poned to later?

littlemissnatalie

No doubt, certain circumstances are beyond our control, but I was speaking about people who PLAN for their wedding to be years from now. For the women who want to extend the engagment, it makes me wonder why and whether they are doubting their mate too.

dlthompson22

lol. I've heard of maybe a year out before the actual wedding date but 2 years is crazy. Lucky I havent ran into someone like that. Just do it..

littlemissnatalie

Heck yeah!!! Either get married or break up! Crap...LOL

MrsAllenToBe1123

My FI have been engaged since 2004. We knew we wanted to get married but didnt have the money for expenses of a wedding, so we didnt set a date or do any planning. I finished school, got my career and job and he became financially stable, hence February of this yr we set a date for September 2011. I used to look at long engagements as a negative thing, but everyone has their reasons.

littlemissnatalie

School and financial stability are very valid reasons! That is a very long engagement, but you guys are still together and have a little over a month to go!! Yaay! In that time, did you ever have doubts or feel the wedding would not happen? Did he pull away...or try to back out? I had a girl friend experience that, which is why I asked.

chescam

FI and I will be engaged for 19 months. The last two years have been long distance because I moved away to get my master's degree in Cali. He was working in Florida but supported my decision and was there for me. He proposed to me last year before I even finished my program. He told me he was going to marry me 2 month after we started dating but I dismissed it because we had just started dating and we were young.

I'm 25 now and we had to really think about when we could get married. We decided that one of us would have to move based on who had a better job. Well FIs job paid more than mine and I moved back to Florida. I got a job offer down here but won't start until October. If we had decided to get married right away, we would not have been able to save much at all. We wanted to save and have the wedding we want. We only plan on getting married once! 

littlemissnatalie

Great story! You and your guy seem very dedicated to one another. Long distance is NOT easy. The fact that you both made it work is amazing and I congratulate you both!!

hatroopes

FI and I will have been engaged for 18 months when we get married in October. Just like Chescam we were long distance for about a year and a half. I moved from Atl to Orlando and we got engaged shortly after in May of last year. Then 2 weeks after we got engaged his dad got pneumonia followed by a massive stroke. Wedding planning definitely had to be put off. Thankfully, his dad is much better now although not fully recovered.  If not, we would probably have done a JOP ceremony and maybe have a wedding later. His brother was actually supposed to be getting married in September of last year, but they cancelled their wedding and did a JOP ceremony. 

flawlessfay

Hubby and i have been together since 2003....Got engaged 2009 and married this past June but we did what worked for us......and am happy

littlemissnatalie

Family illness is for sure a reason to hold off, and being engaged a year and a half is fine too. I just see ladies on here who are excited about their 2014 wedding, and I'm like, are you kidding me? Do you know how much can happen in all that time? Come on...I wouldn't even broadcast a 2014 wedding until the end of 2013.

mahoganieyes

Really time does not matter to me. We've been together for 8yrs going on 9 with no kids, so he had no reason to stay besides he really loves me. A two year engagement was never an issue for me but rather others reaction. We're paying for this wedding 100%, fiance has been seeking employment oot, his brother was getting married too(so no competition or travel issues with family), and that gave me plenty of time to plan. Family members/friends kill me with the comments about waiting...if the man was planning on leaving me than marriage will not make him stay. It does not matter when you finish the race(getting married) but as long as you both have the same goal(getting married).

littlemissnatalie

In many cases, lots of guys wouldn't stick around. Which proves your point that marriage won't make them stay, but every circumstance is different. Glad your guy is a good one! I wish my girl friend's old guy was more committed!

dlthompson22

Im so loving this topic ladies.

Soon2BSand

You never know someone's story... and for this very reason I keep my mouth shut on things like this. It grinds my gears when folks come to a conclusion based on what they think should happen. Then again I'm on my soapbox because I keep seeing it happen regarding my nuptials and so on....not to mention PMS. Woosah.

wheatney22

Like flawlessfay, hubby and I were engaged in 2009 and got married this past April. We did what worked for us. I'd rather hear of a long engagement than a wedding that's paid for on credit cards. I think everyone has to do what works best for them.

island07b2b

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_question-re-weddings-2013-beyond?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:7bc3052c-9106-476c-982d-3c47528a3c39Post:48a89784-1a66-47bf-9e9d-9d8543b57ba6">Re: Question: RE: Weddings in 2013 and beyond...</a>:
[QUOTE]You never know someone's story... and for this very reason I keep my mouth shut on things like this. It grinds my gears when folks come to a conclusion based on what they think should happen. Then again I'm on my soapbox because I keep seeing it happen regarding my nuptials and so on....not to mention PMS. Woosah.
Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

I am on the same soapbox as you.   Really ladies to each their own.  Relationships are unique and the reasons for some having long engagements, while not rationale to you, is very rationale to someone else. 

lil01

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_question-re-weddings-2013-beyond?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:7bc3052c-9106-476c-982d-3c47528a3c39Post:db92b727-8f15-4739-8f22-1020cadd77c5">Re: Question: RE: Weddings in 2013 and beyond...</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Really time does not matter to me.</strong> We've been together for 8yrs going on 9 with no kids, so he had no reason to stay besides he really loves me. A two year engagement was never an issue for me but rather others reaction. We're paying for this wedding 100%, fiance has been seeking employment oot, his brother was getting married too(so no competition or travel issues with family), and that gave me plenty of time to plan. <strong>Family members/friends kill me with the comments about waiting...if the man was planning on leaving me than marriage will not make him stay. It does not matter when you finish the race(getting married) but as long as you both have the same goal(getting married).
</strong>Posted by mahoganieyes[/QUOTE]


All of this!!! You never really know what's going on in another's relationship & you may never know or understand unless you've been in someone's shoes who has experienced this. Folks have said the same thing about me & hubby being together for 10 yrs prior to our wedding. We got the questions, "what are ya'll waiting for?" or "ya'll don't wanna get married?". So many things happened during those years, which is why it took us so long to do so. If I was content & happy with planning a wedding for 2 or more yrs, I would brag all about it & flaunt it everyday. No shame in my game. JMO.

jmp0930

FI and I will be getting married exactly 2 years from his proposal date. When he proposed we were planning to have an 18 month engagement, but we realized to have the wedding we really wanted we would have to wait a little longer in order to save. We vowed to not use ANY credit for our wedding and pay only cash with no help from any family members. We are young (im 23 and he's 26) so to pay for a 35k wedding on our own is worth the wait of 2 years. We are only 2 months away now and im glad we are having the wedding we want instead of just settling for the wedding we would have had if we had gotten married in May.

littlemissnatalie

I'm glad we can all have a conversation without it getting crazy and people throwing insults like in other chats. Soooo un-called for! Anyway, I have to ask...what does it mean to be on a soapbox? I'm lighteight new to chat so I'm obviously missing something. Help a sista' out with the lingo!

LSAS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_question-re-weddings-2013-beyond?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:7bc3052c-9106-476c-982d-3c47528a3c39Post:b33e4979-6b91-45b5-81d8-4f52a9e100d7">Re: Question: RE: Weddings in 2013 and beyond...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Question: RE: Weddings in 2013 and beyond... : I am on the same soapbox as you.   Really ladies to each their own.  Relationships are unique and the reasons for some having long engagements, while not rationale to you, is very rationale to someone else. 
Posted by island07b2b[/QUOTE]

Totally agree with this!!!! To each their own.

island07b2b

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_question-re-weddings-2013-beyond?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:7bc3052c-9106-476c-982d-3c47528a3c39Post:ece7a1ea-3d2b-43ff-9e63-0b90e2173f7a">Re: Question: RE: Weddings in 2013 and beyond...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm glad we can all have a conversation without it getting crazy and people throwing insults like in other chats. Soooo un-called for! Anyway, I have to ask...what does it mean to be on a soapbox? I'm lighteight new to chat so I'm obviously missing something. Help a sista' out with the lingo!
Posted by littlemissnatalie[/QUOTE]

Being on a soapbox means to sound as if one is preaching or giving a speech.  :)

littlemissnatalie

OMG...I'm slow...LOL...that's so logical too! Pray for me ya'll! My brain has been on PAUSE since being married!!! LOL

Fabbiegirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_question-re-weddings-2013-beyond?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:7bc3052c-9106-476c-982d-3c47528a3c39Post:38e9cd4f-ae1a-4aef-bf8c-c77c22058d13">Re: Question: RE: Weddings in 2013 and beyond...</a>:
[QUOTE]Planning more than 2 years in advanced always makes me curious<strong>. When I initially signed up for the knot I was engaged to someone else. Then I was inactive for quite some time and now I'm back.</strong> My fiance proposed on Christmas Eve and our wedding is August 27th. I couldn't put off my wedding for that many years, seeing people get engaged afterwards and marry before me and start a family. A friend of mine had a 2 year engagement and everyone asked constantly for details and why the delay. To each their own, I'm sure everyone's reasons are valid to them. I personally couldn't wait that long to do what good intended for me. If it was a money issue I would get married and have the wedding later.
Posted by Dancerppf[/QUOTE]


That was my same situation.  I joined when I was engaged to someone else.  Then I was more of a lurker or not even active when I was single.  Now, I am back and active because of my wonderful FI. 

I do wonder about long engagements, but I definitely agree with the other ladies that every relationship is unique.   It is always hard to see others out of the relm of our own understanding.    That's why I am not down with certain love books like the one Steve Harvey wrote.  I feel like they focus more on a "this is how it is to work" situation instead of realizing that everyone has their own unique criteria for relationships. 

littlemissnatalie

I read that Steve Harvey book when it first came out. Not impressed! Besides, I can't take any man seriously who favors bright orange and red two button suits! No way!! LOL

MrsAllenToBe1123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_question-re-weddings-2013-beyond?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:7bc3052c-9106-476c-982d-3c47528a3c39Post:54b45802-9d09-4792-8442-0125fee7f078">Re: Question: RE: Weddings in 2013 and beyond...</a>:
[QUOTE]School and financial stability are very valid reasons! That is a very long engagement, but you guys are still together and have a little over a month to go!! Yaay! In that time, did you ever have doubts or feel the wedding would not happen? Did he pull away...or try to back out? I had a girl friend experience that, which is why I asked.
Posted by littlemissnatalie[/QUOTE]

Not at all. Never had a feeling that it wouldn't happen..we were/are stuck like glue..lol. He never pulled away..it was a struggle because we wanted to have that dream wedding, but we wanted to be husband and wife.. there were times when we said "heck lets go to the court and later do a wedding" but we hung in there. If we were together so long, why rush into a court wedding, when we may (would) regret it later

Fabbiegirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_question-re-weddings-2013-beyond?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:7bc3052c-9106-476c-982d-3c47528a3c39Post:fa893bd9-745a-47c9-9b36-46015506742a">Re: Question: RE: Weddings in 2013 and beyond...</a>:
[QUOTE]I read that Steve Harvey book when it first came out. Not impressed! <strong>Besides, I can't take any man seriously who favors bright orange and red two button suits! No way!! LOL</strong>
Posted by littlemissnatalie[/QUOTE]

LOL!  You are a trip.

M1ssJ

Since Im in this boat I'll pipe in too. I got engage in March 2010 and we'll be getting married in  December 2012. For us there were several factors involved: 1) money 2) we live in separate cities 3) we're both in PhD programs 4) I teach full time. We didn't want to get married and still live separately and the only time I have to fully devote to planning has to be around my already demanding schedule.  We're also getting married 4 hours from where I live , can you say stressful! For us its the right choice but I can understand people not wanting to wait.