NWR: After marriage "family" plans

kenyasobeautiful

LOL...I promise I'm not this nosey in real life. I just like coming here asking questions because I don't have many "girlfriends" I chit-chat with on a daily basis AND I work in an office alone all day so you ladies keep me so entertained!

What are you and FI "after marriage" family plans?

Ex: I have two sons from previous marriage that are 15 and 13. FI and I plan to have 1 child of our own (biological) and then we'd like to adopt a baby girl. Actually I KNOW I'm adopting a babygirl...God has already shown me that it will be so within the next 5 years.

If you're comfortable sharing, please do....

A&M_Abyss

We are going to wait 3-4 years before starting our family. Neither one of us has children and we'd like to use those years as the opportunity to travel and enjoy being married first before having children. We should be around 32 when our first born arrives god willing. {that sounds so weird our first born} but we only plan/want 2 children

kenyasobeautiful

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_nwr-after-marriage-family-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:7de73411-0cdb-4de7-91be-c8877e209fd6Post:deef8bd3-1b61-4d41-a26f-210e456b3af3">Re: NWR: After marriage "family" plans</a>:
[QUOTE]We are going to wait 3-4 years before starting our family. Neither one of us has children and we'd like to use those years as the opportunity to travel and enjoy being married first before having children. We should be around 32 when our first born arrives god willing. {that sounds so weird our first born} but we only plan/want 2 children
Posted by A&M_Abyss[/QUOTE]

That's really nice. I think its good when couples can spend a few years enjoying each other. I would love to do that but my baby maker is not getting any younger, I'll be 35 in January so...lol, it will be time to start IMMEDIATELY after saying "I do". Which I already know FI has no problem with, nasty ole coot. But that seems good and 2 is a nice number! :)

admallard

Neither one of us has kids but we really want some! We're going to wait about 1.5 years and then probably start trying. By then I'll be finished with basic training and my job training and we should be at a duty station by then. That's the plan but we'll see tho!

csuperstar02

Well, we are both 30, so if it's going to happen, it needs to be pretty soon. We plan to start trying in late spring or summer of 2011. FH has a 5 year old daughter, but I'm an only child so my mom is singing the grandkids song anyway.

*side note* I usually feel so behind as most of my high school and college classmates already have a whole heap of kids, haha. And some of them are old, so they're basically almost done with the raising part.

krimson19

i'm 35 and my husband is 36.  neither of us have children.  we've been trying, but have been dealing with infertility issues.  i just went back on fertility drugs in the hopes of us making a baby.  but we have also said we would like to adopt as well. 

sweets18

My FI and I are both in school working on our Master's. I will done in May and will hopefully find a job in my field, while I decide whether I am done with school or if I will go for a PhD. FI on the other hand will most likely be going for a PhD. We are not going to necessarily wait until he is done with school to have kids, but we do want at least two or three years to just be married before we start having kids. I am definitely interested in adopting... FI is from Kenya so he wants to adopt from there but I don't mind adopting from here either.

kenyasobeautiful

@admallard....that's amazing you and FI are both military? I commend you and thank you for the sacrifice you make for our country. I know that's a full plate on your hands...but at least you have a plan...doing joint parenting with two military parents can be a struggle...BUT definatly do-able!
@csupastar....that's cute about your MOM. I know she's way beyond ready. My mom has 7 and she's itching for a few more I'm like "huh? where dey do dat at Mom?" lol. But don't feel bad about your age AT ALL. I had my first two early I wouldn't take it back but I think waiting until you are more settled is a slightly better approach. And 30...is NOT EVEN CLOSE to old....lol you got plenty of time!
@krimson...yea that's what I'm afraid will happen with me and FI also. That's why we are starting early because in case there are some issues we want them addressed. My doctor said to give it 6 months of trying and if not....we will have to start with testing. Either way we are relaxed and comfortable...with letting nature take its course. Sounds like you two are....as well!
@Sweets...you two are so adorable! I say definatly get that education because once you build a family it's so hard to go back and re-work that trust me I'm doing it now....trying to get into counseling and it's like....such a struggle. And you and FI seem so young....I encourage you to keep hitting those books and then when you're ready you'll know. And adopting a Kenya baby...so precious. I'm not biased, even though...that is my name

krimson19

thanks for the well wishes!   the doctor told us we have a few issues, most which we knew anyway.
#1 is my age.   of course we know women older than me have babies but im my case it might be working against me.
#2 is scaring from my surgeries.  he's afraid that the removal of the fibroids might lead to some trouble.
#3 is that i don't ovulate.  this is the big one!  that's why i back on the meds.  and those jokers are $182 without insurance.  but i found a way to get them for $10. 

sweets18

@ kenyasobeautiful: Counseling is what I am getting my Master's in! What particular area are you interested in? And you are right, Kenya is a beautiful name! LOL...

wheatney22

FI and I will start trying in early 2012 (around Valentine's day ). That'll be about 10-months after we get married.

@Krimson - I am 33 now and will be 34 when we start trying so I have the same fears as far as waiting but we both agreed that we don't want to start trying right away because we want to give ourselves a chance to get used to married life before we bring someone else into the mix.

7venAfricano

FI and I have three already, but we do want more, however, since we do already have 3 I had wanted to wait at least 6 months after the wedding (which would be next year December) before we just let nature do what it's gonna do. With us already having 3 I wanted to be able to enjoy him as my husband without the added stress and strain of a pregnancy. I do want alot of kids and at this point my FI doesn't care how many we have but I have had a plan in my head for a while and, at the exception of the 6 months, I wanted to get started on it soon. I'm not very seasoned yet (24yrs old) but I had wanted to finish having all our kids by the time we were at least 32 or so, which, in my ideal world would be 7 or 10 kids, God willing. (I see y'all giving me the crazy side eye) DON'T JUDGE LOL

missrekaeagle

Although we didn't "plan" for her, DH and I are having are first child in about a week or so (only 5.5 months after our wedding).  It's actually working out fine because I'm finishing up my Master's in human resources (only got the spring & summer left). Until I get my degree in August I'll be a stay at home mom, which is cool. We decided we'll try for #2 in 3-5 years, and at that time DH will have his Master's. If #2 isn't a boy, we'll try again a couple years after that. We're shooting for 3 tops.

msapril0730

I have an son and we have a son together. My FI want 2-3 more kids but I would like just one more son. We plan to start trying in 2012, I told him I would like to have my next child before I'm 30 and I'm 27 now. After the next child I'm going to try mirena while I decide if I want anymore.

kiyamurph

FI and I don't have kids, but we definitely want them.  I'm pretty sure that we'll be trying after the wedding because we've already had so much time to ourselves since we've been together for 7 years and good friends for 11 years.  We've already done a lot of traveling and have done lots of adventures together, so we're ready to make an addition pretty much right away.  We'll both be 30 by the time we're married so that ticking I hear in the background is the sound of my biological clock. 
I am worried though because I'm pretty sure I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, so I don't ovulate once per month.  I haven't fully talked about it yet with my doctor, I will at my appointment next month, but I think we may try to conceive the natural way for a while, and if need be I'll get on the meds.  We'll see!

meeko84

Neither of us have children, but we want to wait about 2 years after getting married to be settled in our careers and hopefully buy a home by then. My FI and I both have a desire to adopt a child and have one or two of our own. I am really worried that I can not have children. When I has in high school, my appendix burst and the toxin that is present in the appendix went over into my uterus. Doctors tried to get as much of it out as possible but I was left with some damage and scar tissue as well. At that point, I was young and really didn't think about it but as I've gotten older it bothers me a lot. Lately, I ask my FI what if we aren't able to have a baby a lot and he always says it will work out as long as we keep it in God's hands

cincy2011

We agreed to wait one year after the wedding to start trying for kids (we don't have any now).  We want at least one year of marriage by ourselves before bringing little ones into the mix.  By the month of our wedding, we will have been together only two years and one year of that was long distance, so we have lots of catching up to do! 

We are in our mid-30s also, so I pray that we won't have any issues. On second thought,  I am actually claiming that we won't have any problems - in Jesus name!  Amen.

@ Krimson: I am praying for you and DH and I am so happy to hear you were able to get your meds for $10!!!  That is awesome! 

kenyasobeautiful

Awww...this thread brings tears to my eyes!!!! It so heartwarming to hear *US* speak about having our families and raising our generations! Oh how exciting.

Okay I'm trying to respond to everyone sorry so long but my computer been acting up at work today! Maybe because I'm not really working...uh...dhhhuuhh...I dunno? lol

@Krimson...ok well you need to make sure you share your secret with us that may need it one day. I "think" something is up with my ovulation too. I used to be 28 days like clockwork...I mean I was sooooo regular. But since July 2010...my cycles have been 5 weeks, 3 weeks, 4 weeks, 3 weeks and 3 weeks. I'm so sad about that and after this last one I told FI my concerns. He just thinks I'm a hypochondriac, because he's still in his ripe ole "20"s" but I had to really have a heart to heart and told him that we gotta seriously understand it may take a little "help" to get that baby. I'll pray for you...I think your age doesn't factor as much as you think...because 35 is still pretty young...but the ovulation....or lack thereof, is a much bigger issue.

kenyasobeautiful

@Sweets...thank you! And I want to get my degree actually in Christian Counseling and go to work for The BIG MAN, of course! I would like to work with the youth in our church, young girls in particular. But with that degree I can attend seminary later if I want to or do other forms of counseling in the church. What about you?
@Wheatney....Good Luck and Valentine's Day...mmhmmm....lots of sexy lingerie! Excuse to go shopping..Yay!!!
@7ven...I know you love kids already from  your other post! I don't think you're crazy at all...that's what works for the two of you! And at least you didn't sa 19 or 20 like The Duggars (whole differnent thread subject! lol)

kenyasobeautiful

@missrekaeagle...aww...congratulations! a little girl how precious I know she's gonna be round-faced and adorable. and that's good timing you're able to finish your degree....and let hubby finish getting his as well. when are you due?
@msapril...I wonder....just a question but a lot of men seem to be wanting BIGGER families these days? Like you said you have 2 now but he could easily have a family of 4 or 5 kids when it's all said and done. My FI is like that....he's willing to accept us having 1 of our own and adopting. He wants 2 or 3 of his own...which would make 4 or 5 for me...plus adopt one. I'm like...who feeding all these little mouths? lol
@Kiya...def go get checked now. trust me it can't hurt and when we women listen to our bodies...most times we are often "right". like i know something is up with me because of how I feel and the other signs, i just need confirmation of it. but since you seem mostly ready to start right after the wedding...hey...it def can't hurt. just don't get stressed about it before the big day!

kenyasobeautiful

@Meeko...aww I want to hug you. I like your FI already and I agree! God is in charge so we have to sit back and let Him do what he does. And...nevermind don't get me started I'm subject to give a whole sermon. All I will say is don't stress it but get checked out. It may not be as severe as you think. However; adoption is always a beautiful option. I used to be kinda "opposed to it" but then when I saw me bringing home a beautiful little girl in a vision a few months ago I was moved to tears. I asked FI last night is he okay with it if I wanted to adopt a newborn he said "like um....right out the womb" lmbo...I was like "yea boy!" he just smiled and said "okay baby that's what we'll do then....fresh out the oven!"  * amess*
@cincy....In His Name...yes girl yes!!!! Claim it and watch it manifest. You have nothing to fear or worry at all. I think....you'll have a new baby a little sooner than you think! Just stay focused on each other....and loving each other...and enjoying each other.

YasJas2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_nwr-after-marriage-family-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:7de73411-0cdb-4de7-91be-c8877e209fd6Post:82628954-2167-46a2-9b81-eb492d7ed44b">Re: NWR: After marriage "family" plans</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I are both in school working on our Master's. I will done in May and will hopefully find a job in my field, while I decide whether I am done with school or if I will go for a PhD. FI on the other hand will most likely be going for a PhD. We are not going to necessarily wait until he is done with school to have kids, but we do want at least two or three years to just be married before we start having kids. I am definitely interested in adopting... FI is from Kenya so he wants to adopt from there but I don't mind adopting from here either.
Posted by sweets18[/QUOTE]

What are you all getting your masters in? I am working on my PhD now in Electrical Engineering.

YasJas2011

Neither of us have kids either. I am still in school working on my PhD and wanted to start when I finished. But I am getting the grief really bad from the Families on both side. So I am officially off of Birth Control for the first time since 18. So I guess we are trying now. I am 28 (will be 29 in Jan) and he is 27. He is working in his field and is ready for a child. We get married in June and I pray that I am not preggers before then! LOL! I have to fit in this dress!

missrekaeagle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_nwr-after-marriage-family-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:7de73411-0cdb-4de7-91be-c8877e209fd6Post:9cf00775-0fb6-4218-b959-c3d23bcc4435">Re: NWR: After marriage "family" plans</a>:
[QUOTE]@missrekaeagle...aww...congratulations! a little girl how precious I know she's gonna be round-faced and adorable. and that's good timing you're able to finish your degree....and let hubby finish getting his as well. when are you due? [/QUOTE]

Thank you!! She already has my round face according to the ultrasounds lol. I'm due next Wednesday, the 22nd. She'll be here soon. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

sweets18

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_nwr-after-marriage-family-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:7de73411-0cdb-4de7-91be-c8877e209fd6Post:5c044b2b-787a-4956-bc49-61889e039bd8">Re: NWR: After marriage "family" plans</a>:
[QUOTE]@Sweets...thank you! And I want to get my degree actually in Christian Counseling and go to work for The BIG MAN, of course! I would like to work with the youth in our church, young girls in particular. But with that degree I can attend seminary later if I want to or do other forms of counseling in the church. What about you?
Posted by kenyasobeautiful[/QUOTE]

My degree is currently Professional Counseling specializing in School Counseling, but I plan to get my LPC. I tend to work more/more effectively with teen girls as well. My dream is to get into Christian couples' counseling. Looks we are interested in similar things! I hope that it all goes well for you! Keep me updated!

sweets18

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_nwr-after-marriage-family-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:7de73411-0cdb-4de7-91be-c8877e209fd6Post:be1ab639-c482-43ea-a44d-72ebc6cda3aa">Re: NWR: After marriage "family" plans</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: After marriage "family" plans : What are you all getting your masters in? I am working on my PhD now in Electrical Engineering.
Posted by YasJas2011[/QUOTE]


I am getting mine in Professional Counseling and FI is getting his Master's in Public Health.

msapril0730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_nwr-after-marriage-family-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:7de73411-0cdb-4de7-91be-c8877e209fd6Post:9cf00775-0fb6-4218-b959-c3d23bcc4435">Re: NWR: After marriage "family" plans</a>:
[QUOTE]@missrekaeagle...aww...congratulations! a little girl how precious I know she's gonna be round-faced and adorable. and that's good timing you're able to finish your degree....and let hubby finish getting his as well. when are you due? <strong>@msapril...I wonder....just a question but a lot of men seem to be wanting BIGGER families these days? Like you said you have 2 now but he could easily have a family of 4 or 5 kids when it's all said and done. My FI is like that....he's willing to accept us having 1 of our own and adopting. He wants 2 or 3 of his own...which would make 4 or 5 for me...plus adopt one. I'm like...who feeding all these little mouths? lol</strong> @Kiya...def go get checked now. trust me it can't hurt and when we women listen to our bodies...most times we are often "right". like i know something is up with me because of how I feel and the other signs, i just need confirmation of it. but since you seem mostly ready to start right after the wedding...hey...it def can't hurt. just don't get stressed about it before the big day!
Posted by kenyasobeautiful[/QUOTE]

He is one of 6, so naturally he wants a big family also! I wouldn't mind having one then adopting one once my kids are a little older

kenyasobeautiful

@YasJas....YAY! Okay I won't say "baby dust" but....what shall be shall be! I'm excited you and FI are really sweet I read your blog the other day! And Electrical Engineering is what FI is going to school for right now. God Bless you left brained people (or is it right brained....I dunno, I like finger-painting! lol).
@Sweets....yes we do have much in common. I think your route is practical you can get more employment offers with the LPC. Christian Counseling is great but "limited" a little in terms of jobs however; I'm leaving it up to God! We will keep in touch on that!
@Ms.April...oh that is a nice sized family!!! I think if you want a big family then def. adopt. Like it just seems like the "right" thing...to do when you're so blessed!

meeko84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_nwr-after-marriage-family-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:7de73411-0cdb-4de7-91be-c8877e209fd6Post:74a44912-677e-45bf-9a88-883d4bba80f3">Re: NWR: After marriage "family" plans</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: After marriage "family" plans : My degree is currently Professional Counseling specializing in School Counseling, but I plan to get my LPC. I tend to work more/more effectively with teen girls as well. My dream is to get into Christian couples' counseling. Looks we are interested in similar things! I hope that it all goes well for you! Keep me updated!
Posted by sweets18[/QUOTE]
Yes a fellow counselor!!!! I have my MS in Rehab Counselor and I'm working on my PhD in Rehabilitation Counseling and Administration...I have my Certified Rehabilitation Counseling Certification and I want my LPC and LCAS as well I've done some research on self esteem in African American girls and most of my research and work experience has been with adolescents...glad to see another Counselor we may need to collaborate 

meeko84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_nwr-after-marriage-family-plans?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:7de73411-0cdb-4de7-91be-c8877e209fd6Post:a165cc69-8b40-49be-9bba-e163a4397898">Re: NWR: After marriage "family" plans</a>:
[QUOTE]@Meeko..<strong>.aww I want to hug you. I like your FI already and I agree! God is in charge so we have to sit back and let Him do what he does. And...nevermind don't get me started I'm subject to give a whole sermon. All I will say is don't stress it but get checked out. It may not be as severe as you think. However; adoption is always a beautiful option. I used to be kinda "opposed to it" but then when I saw me bringing home a beautiful little girl in a vision a few months ago I was moved to tears. I asked FI last night is he okay with it if I wanted to adopt a newborn he said "like um....right out the womb" lmbo...I was like "yea boy!" he just smiled and said "okay baby that's what we'll do then....fresh out the oven!"</strong>  * amess* @cincy....In His Name...yes girl yes!!!! Claim it and watch it manifest. You have nothing to fear or worry at all. I think....you'll have a new baby a little sooner than you think! Just stay focused on each other....and loving each other...and enjoying each other.
Posted by kenyasobeautiful[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yeah my FI is quite a sweetie lol and I try not to stress it and I know God will work it out!! I'm a strong advocate for adoption I've always wanted to adopt and I got really passionate about it after a talk with one of my professors she is the head of the adoption board in NC and I have a friend who adopted a baby about 2 years ago and he is so adorable. My FI always says we'll try whatever we can to get pregnant, his mother had a similar story to mine and she didn't have him till she was 36 and his sister at 38 so that gives me hope as well 

</div>

JKeyes2011

My DH and I don't have any kids. I'm 22 and he is 36, he wants to get started ASAP because he has fears of being an old dad. I tell him all the time to not worry, but he still worries.
I will be finishing school in May and the formal wedding is in July. Once we figure out exactly where we will live and everything after the formal wedding we will start trying.
My DH spent Thanksgiving with me and my family and he feel in love with my cousin's 2 year old and it really made him want a baby. He is constantly sending me emails, tweets, facebook messages, and youtube videos about having kids, He really wants one now.