Depression.....

MsRichard83

I am so in love with my fiance, but lately I feel so bogged down with responsibility and dealing with the pety arguements that weigh so heavy on me. I use to be the type of person to get over things so quickly, but now, I just feel sad. I guess I feel like I have no release....

I have moved this year to a place to make him happy, but this move has caused more strife than I thought, and with the fussing, it just makes me feel lost. The love between us is evident and he is an amazing man, but I don't know how to release the hurt and sadness I feel. I guess I'm just emotionally tired. Keep me in your prayers!

desi2002

You should sit down and talk to him about how you are feeling. Guys really are clueless on knowing how we feel even when you feel they should. ((hugs))

Soon2BSand

This may sound simple... but what you just did? Sharing it with us? Is what you should do with him. Part of your struggle is the fact that you're holding it in. Imagine drinking acid and not saying anyting about the pain you're in. Yeah you may squirm and make faces that say "I'm hurting" but men are creatures that need things laid out for them. I'll bet you money your FI has no idea how you REALLY feel.

Talk to him...communication is the breakdown in relationships. Further, Satan knows this... so the first thing he attacks IS **drumroll** communication. 

Praying for you honey! *hugs*

Carla1019

You are in my prayers.

Any form of transition can be stressful. You are planning a wedding and you moved into a new space. I agree with everyone that you must have communication and even if you don't feel you are getting the support you need from FI right now, continue to meditate and pray for strength. Sometimes even after we tell our men what is wrong they are clueless as to what to do.

Be patient and understand that we all go through a funk at times. If this continues for an extended period please talk to someone that can help with depression.

(((HUGS)))

prettymami2

I agree. You have to open up the conversation with him and really let him know how it's weighing in on you emotionally. If he is as amazing as he sounds to be, he will work with you to help relieve some of the stress. Communication is key.

PrettyCW5

I agree with everything the ladies before me said. Communication is definitely the key. It's in a man's nature to try to fix things but if they don't know what's going on or how you feel they are no help in helping you find a soloution. I'll be praying for you as well because I've been in your shoes with the "funk". We all go through it and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

hatroopes

I feel your pain. I remember when I moved from Atlanta to Orlando to be closer to my FI after almost 2 years of LD - the first few months were really hard. I guess we were dealing with seeing each other all the time and didnt have the distance to hide behind anymore when we had disagreements. Instead we were forced to deal with any issues that arose. I almost gave up on the relationship and moved back home. I was dealing with new job, new city, missing my friends and family and missing my independence. I'm glad I stuck it out because it was worth it. I think you guys definitely need to communicate - let him know EXACTLY how you feel. You being depressed and holding it in is probably confusing him and him not knowing how you feel makes it difficult to relate. Hope things get better

djscat

(((HUGS)))) I agree with everyone talk to him.  I moved to be with my FI too and it was so hard.  It got better because I talked to him and he helped me come up with ways to still stay in contact with the family I was missing dearly.

Fabbiegirl

(((HUGS))))  What everyone else said.  Talk to him.  Be open.  Be honest.  Let him know it is hard to get back on your feet right now.  I'm sure he wil be willing to support and help.

MsRichard83

The problem is his mother is the same way, she reacts with anger. I have told him how I feel and how it affects me, but he sees it as his personality and that he trys to not get upset and argue, but that I don't see him trying. I'm not use to arguing over trivial stuff and it cuts me so deep!

The fact that he is younger than me and his mother has always tried to control him doesn't help either, he thinks he is right just like she always does. I'm use to living alone, having my clean space and enjoying the company of a man at my place or his, but this is such an adjustment, and I feel like Im being the one having to deal with a lot more than him, and it upsets me sometimes.  

lil01

I can't say it any better than the ladies did. I agree with everyone. Definitely wanna communicate your feelings to him and work TOGETHER to make it better and to strengthen the relationship. Praying for you.

vfriday

Sometimes you have to figure out what you want and need before you can bring it to your partner.  And sometimes you need help figuring all of that out.  You may want to seek professional or spiritual counseling to help you identify these things.  It may be helpful as well for the two of you as a couple to have counseling to learn how to communicate effectively and in a safe space.  DH and I did this and we had no idea that we weren't communicating.  Neither of us like to argue and one or the other would just simply stop talking (mostly me) and not revisit the issue.  We learned some great tools to help us understand each other and I am so thankful for them.  I moved across the country to be with him after 2+ years LD and I considered more than once packing myself up and going home to what was familiar.  Going to couple's counseling definitely saved our relationship.

Saying a prayer and sending hugs your way.

happe2gether

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_depression?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8dfcf0b9-1b72-4567-994b-84867fe14004Post:c7dce897-fcff-4de5-a7ce-64c5583bf814">Re: Depression.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't say it any better than the ladies did. I agree with everyone. <font color="#999999">Definitely wanna communicate your feelings to him and work TOGETHER to make it better and to strengthen the relationship.</font> Praying for you.
Posted by lil01[/QUOTE]

THIS exactly!! LD is hard and then to move together can be harder.  But communication is definitely the key. 

MrsAllenToBe1123

Just remember..things will not always be perfect. disagreement and arguments can make the relationship stronger. From what I've learned in our 7 yrs of being together is communication is key! What you are feeling, may not be how he's feeling and vice versa.

eagles347

All of these ladies have said things better than I ever could. I do want to reiterate that communication is key...first with yourself and God...then with your FI. I'm transitioning now too and Lord knows it isn't easy even when your'e in love, but it can teach you alot about how strong you really are.