African American Weddings
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Is this ghetto/off

So here is what I was thinking. Since our families have never met, I was going to do a mixer the night before the wedding (everyone gets in earlier  the day before the wedding) However, I was suppose to have the rehearsal dinner the night before for just the WP and parents (not the whole family) So I moved the rehearsal dinner to a reharsal brunch, but no one can get off work for it! Soooo, i decided to do the rehearsal dinner and famil mixer as one. But so I won't have to pay for everyone (about 70 ppl) I am going to pay just for the WP. But so there won't be any confusion or anything about it and to make things easier and smoother, I was going to buy gift cards to the restuarant that it's at and give them to the WP members. and that way they can order whatever they want and they will have the gift card to go towards their meal. Is this ghetto?

Re: Is this ghetto/off

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    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't call this ghetto, but in my honest opinion, I wouldn't do this.  I just personally don't like the idea of inviting people to the rehearsal dinner and not paying for them.  I think that if they're invited then you need to pay.  It's a different story if people just want to come anyway knowing that they'll have to pay, but if you're organizing this and telling people to come to the RD, then I think you have to fork over some bucks.  

    Also, I know that your family and his family haven't been formally introduced, but I think that they can do this at the wedding.  They're adults and they should be able to mingle and get to know each other on their own without having a mixer.  To me, it's the same as when someone wants to have people play a game in order for guests to get to know each other during the cocktail hour.  I don't think this is necessary.
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    edited December 2011
    I agree.  I would not do it.  Some people might get offended. Move the family dinner to a different night, if possible or skip it all together. 

    I too was going to do a family dinner. Then I got everyone's flight plans and it just did not work out.  So I skipped it.  

    Dont mix the two events.  
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    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't do it either. What we are doing is having a get-together with the Bride and Groom at a bowling alley after the rehearsal dinner. That is where our out of town and in town guests can hangout and chill. We won't be paying for anyone and that is already clear and I doubt many people will actually bowl, but they can play pool, have a drink, etc. while getting to know each other and allowing us to spend time with our guests before the big day. Maybe you could consider something like this. IDK...


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    edited December 2011
    I agree with the ladies. Just do a rehearsal dinner. If you really wanna do a get-together for the families to meet & mingle, sweets18 gave you a great idea.

    I think its fine to invite folks to a get-together & not pay, but the key is to let them know ahead of time. For our rehearsal dinner, we are only paying for the WP & parents. However, we've got 4 wedding attendants & their parents and siblings will be in attendance as well. But we are not paying for their parents & siblings. The parents HAVE TO be at the rehearsal & dinner cause we're not babysitting...lol. The parents are aware of this.
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    hatroopeshatroopes member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with sweets - have a shorter RD dinner for the WP, then have a mixer afterwards (If you must)
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    edited December 2011
    This is a recipe for disaster. Don't do it.
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    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't do it. Another option (depending on when you leave for your honeymoon) is to have your RD as planned for your WP and close family. Then have a morning after brunch for both families. We had one on Sunday and it was awesome.
    It doesn't have to be anything fancy and can be done at someone's house. Perhaps your parents? Just get some waffles, ready-made french toast and assign someone to fry up some eggs. Get some juice and you're good to go. Depending on where you choose to have it, you could get away with spending $200 - $300 for the entire family brunch.

    Hope that helps.
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    TNMurrayTNMurray member
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    edited December 2011
    I was with you up until the paying part. I am having our families meet at the rehearsal dinner but it is only about 10 additional people than the wedding party. I suggest to have a less formal (i.e. bbq) type of dinner or have the family mixer after but don't pay for part of the invites and not the others.
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_this-ghettooff?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:8f6f4811-726f-4361-89fc-bb08cb8f98a1Post:b59f69a3-f64e-4970-89bc-333b5e53b014">Re: Is this ghetto/off</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't do it. Another option (depending on when you leave for your honeymoon) is to have your RD as planned for your WP and close family. <strong><font color="#ff0000">Then have a morning after brunch for both families.</font></strong> We had one on Sunday and it was awesome. It doesn't have to be anything fancy and can be done at someone's house. Perhaps your parents? Just get some waffles, ready-made french toast and assign someone to fry up some eggs. Get some juice and you're good to go. Depending on where you choose to have it, you could get away with spending $200 - $300 for the entire family brunch. Hope that helps.
    Posted by wheatney22[/QUOTE]

    We are doing this at a local bistro-type place...
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    edited December 2011
    I wouldn't mix the two and not pay.  Maybe you can have the RD and then do a meet and greet with the families somewhere else. 
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    prncszprncsz member
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    edited December 2011
    Maybe just change it to like a bbq/rehearsal dinner and have it at home or another location that way people can mingle and you don't have to deal with the payment of other issue. You can just plan to bbq for 70 people.
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    tahaira82tahaira82 member
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    edited December 2011
    I had a similar situation.  What I decided to do was rent a small meeting room at the hotel where all our fam is staying.  My aunts are in charge of the food, decor, drinks... everything.  They will set up while we are at the rehearsal.  When we get to the rehearsal dinner at 7:30, the WP will eat and discuss business while our families are expecting dinner at 8:30.  After word everyone is free to mingle in the room until whenever!  As far as food goes we are doing somewhat of a pasta bar.  My aunts are making big pans of Lasagna, Alfredo (chicken and shrimp), salad, bread, desert blah, blah,blah... Now i was blessed because my aunts were itching to help and love to cook.  But it would be cheaper just to handle the food ourselves.  I hope this helps and good luck!!
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    edited December 2011

    Ditto tahaira82.

    We have so many oot guests coming, we decided to do a meet n greet/rehearsal dinner on the eve of the wedding. Since FI's immediate family hasn't even thought about ponying up some dinero for the rd, it's all on us. Thank God his niece by marriage has offered to chip in as a wedding gift. 
    We are doing pasta, salad, sweet tea, and cupcakes.



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    edited December 2011
    I agree with the others - that would be a great opportunity for confusion...

    Since all of my immediate family except my older sister was from out-of-state, we did a combo rehearsal dinner/family meet and greet.  We only had a best man and matron-of-honor (who happen to live out of state too) for our WP so we held it at DH's mom's home.  It worked out well - the two families had a chance to meet (our parents hadn't met before) in a more relaxed atmosphere.  DH also had the opportunity to cook for everyone which always makes him happy.

    If your wedding party isn't large and if you all know someone whose home can accomodate 70 people this could be an option.
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