African American Weddings

HELP!!! budget/reception issues

ok,

so here's the deal: my parents are on an extremely tight budget--particularly in regards to the reception and cost per person in terms of a seated dinner. fyi, my reception will be held at around 3-4pm.

i initially wanted to do a seated dinner; however, we are now at the point of considering having a heavy hors d'ouevers and "mocktail" reception--ma "is NOT paying for people to drink/get drunk". my concern is that 1. i feel so bad about only having hors d'ouevers (i plan to incorporate a carving station or some other station as well) 2. if i have passed and stationery hors d'ouevers for my guests, is it tacky to serve the headtable a plated meal?

i feel terrible about my latest situation. i need all the advice i can get :(
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Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues

  • I think it would be rude not to serve everyone the same thing. there are plenty of heavy
     hors douevers that would suffice!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_help-budgetreception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:92fa90d7-f704-43e0-858f-5f8b92437fd4Post:b633f647-2f8c-4011-809e-5ae6bf5d531d">Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it would be rude not to serve everyone the same thing. there are plenty of heavy  hors douevers that would suffice!
    Posted by cookdt5312014[/QUOTE]


    that's what i think also. i think i will go with heavy hors douevers and a few stations just to balance it out. arrrrgghhh i HATE that i have to even do it this way.

    besides, the party members (headtable) would still have had the rehearsal dinner. that should be ok, right? :-/
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  • Hey  Ms Lively ((waves))...

     Heavy hors douevers receptions are becoming more popular, so it will be ok.

    I agree that you should serve just heavy hors douevers at the reception. My next question would be what you you and FI doing afterwards? Just me thinking, maybe unpopular on the boards, but maybe you can have a private dinner after the reception for the the couple, WP, and parents? Now, This would come with some thinking on who can do it, who's paying for it, but its the best of both ideas, esp since the two of you are going to have to eat.  

    Or you can do the heavy hors douevers and then, you and FI can maybe go to a nice dinner afterwards just the two of you. Sounds nice to me and a more postive way to look at the situation. 

    Just my thoughts. 
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  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_help-budgetreception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:92fa90d7-f704-43e0-858f-5f8b92437fd4Post:9710ad08-2b4e-4f36-aeda-81efbe292450">HELP!!! budget/reception issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]ok, so here's the deal: my parents are on an extremely tight budget--particularly in regards to the reception and cost per person in terms of a seated dinner. fyi, my reception will be held at around 3-4pm. i initially wanted to do a seated dinner; however, we are now at the point of considering having a heavy hors d'ouevers and "mocktail" reception--ma "is NOT paying for people to drink/get drunk". my concern is that 1. i feel so bad about only having hors d'ouevers (i plan to incorporate a carving station or some other station as well) 2.<strong> if i have passed and stationery hors d'ouevers for my guests, is it tacky to serve the headtable a plated meal? i feel terrible about my latest situation. i need all the advice i can ge</strong>t :(
    Posted by mslively6[/QUOTE]


    No don't do that. It will make your guests feel slighted.

    Is your ceremony at 3? or the rececption starts at 3?

    You could cut the cost and  still serve a full meal by having a lunch or breakfast reception. Have you sent out invitations?

    An early wedding means no expectations of heavy drinking.

    Also how far are your guests coming?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_help-budgetreception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:92fa90d7-f704-43e0-858f-5f8b92437fd4Post:b5f0d3e2-f91f-4057-979a-1805566253d2">Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey  Ms Lively ((waves))...  H eavy hors douevers receptions are becoming more popular, so it will be ok. I agree that you should serve just  heavy hors douevers at the reception. My next question would be what you you and FI doing afterwards? Just me thinking, maybe unpopular on the boards, but maybe you can have a private dinner after the reception for the the couple, WP, and parents? Now, This would come with some thinking on who can do it, who's paying for it, but its the best of both ideas, esp since the two of you are going to have to eat.   Or you can do the  heavy hors douevers and t hen, you and FI can maybe go to a nice dinner afterwards just the two of you. Sounds nice to me and a more postive way to look at the situation.  Just my thoughts. 
    Posted by keyaira04[/QUOTE]

    heyyyy hun! *waves* :)

    now this is an EXCELLENT IDEA! i'll definitely run it by my FI and my mom--i think this is a very different idea and can ease my mind about not having the sit-down dinner that i envisioned. and there's an amazing restaurant that is literally walking distance from my venue.

    thank you for your input!
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_help-budgetreception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:92fa90d7-f704-43e0-858f-5f8b92437fd4Post:f481e239-7ce0-45eb-b0fb-8cf99aa3c209">Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to HELP!!! budget/reception issues : No don't do that. It will make your guests feel slighted. Is your ceremony at 3? or the rececption starts at 3? You could cut the cost and  still serve a full meal by having a lunch or breakfast reception. Have you sent out invitations? An early wedding means no expectations of heavy drinking. Also how far are your guests coming?
    Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]

    my reception is at 3pm. i haven't sent out invitations yet (the wedding's 7/20/13--can't get my ticker to work) my reception venue is in DC--my FI's family is coming from the Eastern Shore, about an hour away and some of my fam is coming from PA (2 hours). also two of the groomsmen are coming from CT and FL respectively.  however, we anticipate the guests with the furthest distance to travel will already have booked hotel rooms locally. the rest of the guests are from the "DMV" (i hate to use that lol)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_help-budgetreception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:92fa90d7-f704-43e0-858f-5f8b92437fd4Post:6ba33924-19f5-4059-93d5-12d094442a32">Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues : my reception is at 3pm. i haven't sent out invitations yet (the wedding's 7/20/13--can't get my ticker to work) my reception venue is in DC--my FI's family is coming from the Eastern Shore, about an hour away and some of my fam is coming from PA (2 hours). also two of the groomsmen are coming from CT and FL respectively.  however, we anticipate the guests with the furthest distance to travel will already have booked hotel rooms locally. the rest of the guests are from the "DMV" (i hate to use that lol)
    Posted by mslively6[/QUOTE]

    I ask that because I've only been to one "app" reception. I can't lie most people, including me, left early. By the time we at the appetizers and stood around for an hour or 2 everyone booked it. People were hungry and most people had driven an hour or two. I drove 4 hours and was pissed.

    I guess my point is... if you havent sent out Save the Dates or Invitations you still have a lot of freedom on the day/ time that the recption occurs.  Do what you can afford but also put yourself in your guests shoes and know that it will affect your reception vibe.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_help-budgetreception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:92fa90d7-f704-43e0-858f-5f8b92437fd4Post:df6dcbb5-5d48-4488-8d62-bd0b05fef8d0">Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues : I ask that because I've only been to one "app" reception. I can't lie most people, including me, left early. By the time we at the appetizers and stood around for an hour or 2 everyone booked it. People were hungry and most people had driven an hour or two. I drove 4 hours and was pissed. I guess my point is... if you havent sent out Save the Dates or Invitations you still have a lot of freedom on the day/ time that the recption occurs.  Do what you can afford but also put yourself in your guests shoes and know that it will affect your reception vibe.
    Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]

    that's my major concern. i don't want anyone to feel like all they're getting is finger food. *sigh*...i could use a winning powerball ticket or oprah or david tutera or something!
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  • keyaira04keyaira04 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_help-budgetreception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:92fa90d7-f704-43e0-858f-5f8b92437fd4Post:df6dcbb5-5d48-4488-8d62-bd0b05fef8d0">Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues : I ask that because I've only been to one "app" reception. I can't lie most people, including me, left early. By the time we at the appetizers and stood around for an hour or 2 everyone booked it. People were hungry and most people had driven an hour or two. I drove 4 hours and was pissed. I guess my point is... if you havent sent out Save the Dates or Invitations you still have a lot of freedom on the day/ time that the recption occurs.  Do what you can afford but also put yourself in your guests shoes and know that it will affect your reception vibe.
    Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>She does have a point and another thing to consider.  We are having a Friday noon lunch reception due to costs. I'm only serving wine and due to the ladies input on here, I just cut the champagne toast to save even more money. Like your parents, I was about to not serve anything due to those thoughts and the time of day. My guest, mostly my family/friends, are driving two-three hours to his hometown, so I decided to give them lunch. </div><div>
    </div><div>So you got a few ideas on the table. All possible. But it is to your favor at this time that you have nothing with date/time, but don't feel rushed either. Also, talk to your venue/cater and see what they can do in the price range for more ideas.

    </div>
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  • can you move it up a little? 4pm isnt reall a "meal time" but its close enough that people would expect dinner. if you cant, im sure theres a way to word hor douvers (<whatever) reception to follow. Would your family be willing to have a dinner reception if you cut out unlimited alcohol and has just a signiture drink or just beer and wine?


    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_help-budgetreception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:92fa90d7-f704-43e0-858f-5f8b92437fd4Post:0d8554dc-8585-40c5-bc67-ce5ee22ad024">Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues : that's my major concern. i don't want anyone to feel like all they're getting is finger food. *sigh*...i could use a winning powerball ticket or oprah or david tutera or something!
    Posted by mslively6[/QUOTE]
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_help-budgetreception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:92fa90d7-f704-43e0-858f-5f8b92437fd4Post:0d8554dc-8585-40c5-bc67-ce5ee22ad024">Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues : that's my major concern. i don't want anyone to feel like all they're getting is finger food. *sigh*..<strong>.i could use a winning powerball ticket or oprah or david tutera or something!</strong>
    Posted by mslively6[/QUOTE]

    We all could! And like PP said I think we've all made concessions to fit our budget.

    Don't stress !

    Options:

    1) Move the wedding to a morning wedding and serve breakfast ( having a brunch cut over $30pp for us)

    2) Have it on any day except Saturday. Fewer people will come but you will save so much money! ( Like pp said lunch on Friday , for us brunch on Sunday)

    3)Cut the guest list

    4) talk to your venue/caterer and see what they can do in the proce range you have.
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  • Hi MsLively! Becuase of the time of your reception, I honestly think very heavy passed hors d'oeuvres will work okay along with the carving station as you stated. Can you add a pasta station as well or a mashed potatoe bar station to go along with the carved meat? Please do remember, you can not please everyone and someone will complain no matter what you do or how you try to accomodate them. With that being said, do what is in your budget. Since you have not sent out invitations, you have much wiggle room. You can have a brunch reception. I personally love brunch receptions and think they are very nice. It will cut out the alcohol fees. A lunch meal can also cut out the alcohol as well and help with the budget. 

    Keep us updated with your decision.

    Cha
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  • i will definitely keep you posted on my decision. i love the idea of a mashed potato station btw :)
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  • How long is your reception?  If you are having a 4pm-9pm reception, you need to feed people a full meal (hors d'ouevres can be a full meal, but make sure to have enough pieces per person, as well as heavy selections, that it constitutes a whole meal).  If you reception is 4-6pm, you can probably get away with not serving a meal (though the older people may not think that way).  

    Having a separate dinner just for your WP and family is very poor etiquette and someone would feel slighted.  Can you imagine one guest telling another "I can't wait for dinner at DC Coast later?" and the other guest not knowing what they were referring to because they weren't invited?
  • I was just thinking about what J said.  Mina you sure that the number of heavy hors d'oeuvres you'd need per person wouldn't equal the cost of a full *lighter* meal?  I dunno what it takes but for example let's say you do 9 or 10 passed finger foods per guest, costwise, isn't that the same as a full plate of brunch?  either way it doesn't have to be plated/sit down, buffets will always save you some loot.   agree with the other ladies about separate wp dinner - definitely not at the reception.  as long as wp dinner is being paid for separately anyway, it won't matter if you do it the next day - like all of you have breakfast or something. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_help-budgetreception-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:92fa90d7-f704-43e0-858f-5f8b92437fd4Post:a1aea217-421a-4f6c-9d28-c6811ba55e85">Re: HELP!!! budget/reception issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was just thinking about what J said.  Mina you sure that the number of heavy hors d'oeuvres you'd need per person wouldn't equal the cost of a full *lighter* meal?  I dunno what it takes but for example let's say you do 9 or 10 passed finger foods per guest, costwise, isn't that the same as a full plate of brunch?  either way it doesn't have to be plated/sit down, buffets will always save you some loot.   agree with the other ladies about separate wp dinner - definitely not at the reception.  as long as wp dinner is being paid for separately anyway, it won't matter if you do it the next day - like all of you have breakfast or something. 
    Posted by sultryzulu[/QUOTE]

    at this point, i'm going to crunch numbers with potential caterers just to see how a heavy hors d'ouevers menu would compare to let's say a buffet. my only issue with a buffet style reception? i don't want it to look so...golden corral, you know what i'm saying?

    it looks like i'm going to have to bend a little bit. i'll keep you posted!
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