MOH - Vent

MrsSmith2Be02

Some of you know of the issues that FI and I had over the last week or so and with me contemplating calling everything off. Well, in my prayer time, I realized that we hadn't exhausted all avenues AND we are not quitters so I didn't want to just say its not my way I quit! So we came to agreement to start counseling and then we'll go from there. This morning, my MOH said to me that the deadline for ordering the dress is approaching, is she buying one or not. I said yes, then she's like OMG, how do u go from off to on and it seems like only you are working to make this relationship work over 5 years, etc. I understand her logic and reasoning but nobody is perfect and yes FI does and can say some effed up stuff that is really immature and only child syndromish, however he also does a whole lot of stuff for me, the kids, our household that she doesn't even acknowledge (which she doesn't have to because its not her situation). So basically, I told her if she doesn't feel comfortable, then dont buy the dress. I really feel that her opinions are somewhat skewed because yes its partly about having a Godly husband, but we all know that wives can bring their husbands to salvation, and 2) she's never been in a long term relationship.

NOW, just got a text from FI who says call everything off because no need for us to have a "fake" wedding party because his guys support us and my girls except for my cousin and my son's godmother are on the fence.

What a way to start a monday.

[Deleted User]

morgan {{hugs}}  

the good news is, you know your heart and you know his.  there might be a gang of folks up at that altar, there might not but those words are only said by and between the two of you. 

off in search of more grits.  ya'll are killing me softly this morning and it's not even 11 o' clock. 

MrsBoss2012

Hugs to you....I say nip this in the bud before any body purchases a dress! If you aren't 100% Team Smith then I don't want you to stand up there with me. The sides can be uneven that is the least of the worries. As MOH she is like your leaning post, your shoulder to cry on, and your dancing partner. If she is not going to be supportive it's going to make things complicated.

I hope it all works out. My MOH has been my sounding board and I don't know how I could get through some of this planning without calling her.

rowenac82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_moh-vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:9a709fe0-5c88-43c0-a158-f1e001788f08Post:942b895b-c41f-4f54-b812-76fe1d8601d8">MOH - Vent</a>:
[QUOTE]Some of you know of the issues that FI and I had over the last week or so and with me contemplating calling everything off. Well, in my prayer time, I realized that we hadn't exhausted all avenues AND we are not quitters so I didn't want to just say its not my way I quit! So we came to agreement to start counseling and then we'll go from there. This morning, my MOH said to me that the deadline for ordering the dress is approaching, is she buying one or not. I said yes, then she's like OMG, how do u go from off to on and it seems like only you are working to make this relationship work over 5 years, etc. I understand her logic and reasoning but nobody is perfect and yes FI does and can say some effed up stuff that is really immature and only child syndromish, however he also does a whole lot of stuff for me, the kids, our household that she doesn't even acknowledge (which she doesn't have to because its not her situation). So basically, I told her if she doesn't feel comfortable, then dont buy the dress. I really feel that her opinions are somewhat skewed because yes its partly about having a Godly husband, but we all know that wives can bring their husbands to salvation, and 2) she's never been in a long term relationship. NOW, just got a text from <strong>FI who says call everything off </strong>because no need for us to have a "fake" wedding party because his guys support us and my girls except for my cousin and my son's godmother are on the fence. What a way to start a monday.
Posted by MrsSmith2Be02[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>(BIG HUG)...this has got to be frustrating. So FI wants to call things completely off? Not sure that's what I was reading in your last paragraph. </div><div>
</div><div>As for MOH, not sure if this is the case, but do you tend to only discuss things with her when things aren't good between you and FI? One of my friends would only tell me all the bad things about her son's father and was surprised when I didn't support her relationship. I say all that to say when you only talk about the all bad which we tend to do because that's when we need support the most, that's sometimes all the listener could process because that's mostly what they hear. I am not saying she is right for her reaction because a true friend would know when is the right and wrong time to say certain things. The fact that you are moving forward with the wedding, should have been a time to celebrate with you not bring you down. </div><div>
</div><div>Again, (hugs)..sorry this is the way you are starting out your week. 

</div>

footballwife77

OH MAN! There is so much going on this morning! Big HUGS!!!!!!!!! I think maybe you should keep those relationships seperate (friends/fiance). I also think that if they're not going to support your decision to marry your fiance then they shouldnt be there, however, that's NO reason to call the whole thing off (or wreck friendships). Maybe your fiance is a little bit hurt about that. He's a good man, you know that, he knows that, but for whatever reason, your friends are not seeing/acknowledging that. And thats why he calling it off. I suggest you find some different girls to stand up there with you. This will work out. You're in my thoughts.

pearls687

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_moh-vent-3?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:9a709fe0-5c88-43c0-a158-f1e001788f08Post:1d394bde-2004-466b-9244-ff6c84ebb7ed">Re: MOH - Vent</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>the good news is, you know your heart and you know his.  there might be a gang of folks up at that altar, there might not but those words are only said by and between the two of you.</strong>   
Posted by sultryzulu[/QUOTE]


THIS!!

I feel your FI on not wanting a "fake" wedding party.  Back in the day (wedding 1), a minister told me that the wedding party isn't just for show or a group of people you think will make your wedding look pretty.  They have a JOB.  They're supposed to be people that agree to support your marriage and help the two of you through tough times in whatever way they can.  I was young at the time and I had only thought about having my girlz in my wedding, what they would wear, and how flyyyy they were going to be.  However, that advice gave me pause and made me go hmmmmmm........  I rolled on with my little "cast" though, and let me tell you, when the going got tough, the tough got going.  20 years later, I barely have contact with any of those people and only one of them made the guest list for wedding 2 last month.

I said all that to say that, even though it may have been your vision, you don't need a bunch of people standing with you, especially if they are just there going through the motions for show.  The people that genuinely support your choice and will support your marriage regardless of their own personal opinions (which, by the way, are based solely on the limited knowledge they have of your relationship) are the ones that deserve a spot.  That might mean the BMs and GMs are lopsided, or that there's no attendants at all.  In the end, whatever you choose will be beautiful because you will know that whoever is up front with you, even if it's just FI, is RIDE OR DIE for your marriage.


Good Lawd I got a lot to say this morning!  I bet my employer would appreciate me having as much to say about all this work on my desk.  **picks up report**

thedivav

hugs

it will work out.... breath..... 

no body's relationship is perfect 

you know what it is that you two love about each other and stay together 

to hell with what the world thinks *unless he is putting his hands on you and not in a good way*

sorry been down this road with gf's before..... 

CaseynMike

Awww ((hugs)). I am really sorry all of this is going on....my grandmother told me a long time when I was planning to marry my daughter dad that IT'S NOT ABOUT THE WEDDING PARTY...YOUR WEDDING IS NOT A PRODUCTION, AT THE END OF THE DAY YOU WILL BECOME ONE IN THE LORD WITH OR WITHOUT A WEDDING PARTY....

Then I saw it on pinterest too....you and FI should nip this in the bud quickly and hey who says yall have to have an even amount of people?

Good luck and I will be praying for you all!

MrsSmith2Be02

Thanks Ladies! Yea we already don't have an even number of people. I'm tempted to send an email to my entire BP and say if you not 100% Team Smith, RIDE or DIE, then don't even bother. LOL

FI is very hurt because he already didn't like her to begin with ,but because of me he has really tried extra hard to build a friendship with her (or so he thought). Not only that, he feels like he is good enough for her to ask for plane tickets from him, but not good enough as a husband for me. I dunno, but I was super heated, then I talked to my mom that didn't make it any better. I honestly feel that bc FI didn't go to college, has a manual labor job, that they (all my people) feel he's not good enough. Where as FI fam love me (aside from his mom. LOL).

We can go to Costa Rica, get married on the beach, and save all this money and come back with 15K cash in the bank. We can remodel the entire house with that. LOL

msbdumas

I am going with allllll of this..the devil is really tryna work it in aint he ?! 

You dont need a BP to validate your commitment to each other. I like what Casey granny said ! I hope everything will work out for you two and that your wedding still happens with out a hitch !! 

http://badweddingbio.weebly.com/

MissusD1116

Aww man! Yes, everyone seems to have had a rough weekend....HUGS all around! God WILL show himself in the midst of all this madness girl, you just hold on!

keyaira04

((Hugs)). Man, I thank God for your spirit and your fight. I know you are on that floor, praying for your marriage. Keep at it. Prayer still works. 

We also called everything off at one point for three months. It was hard, rough time for us, but our BP was very supportive and it help us get though. I agree with PP that you need ladies and men who will pray and support you when the rain and storms of life comes. If anyone is having doubts about that now, trust that God is showing you this for a reason. FI also was really hurt by a few people at my job who doubted our relationship. When the dust cleared and we start planning the wedding, he made sure they did not get an invite. He does not want that spirit around us doing our day. God brought us through our tough time and I KNOW he will do it for you. Blessings, 

missqueens

Late Reading this  post (I HATE IT when my Job gets in the Way of my Knot Activities! lol).

Soror,

Sending HUGS and Prayers your way. This has GOT to be Emotionally Tough (and draining) for you.   I'm sure you Love and respect your BP and want their Support.   On your Wedding day, you should be Surrounded only by folks who are there for you and will Uplift you and your Husband.   As you know, a College Degree   or a White Collar Job doesn't  Make ANYONE a good man.  If your friends are so busy Judging your decisions that they can't be supportive, then they don't deserve  the Honor of standing with you.

However, I would caution against changing ALL of your plans because of them. If you Want a Dest Wedding, then go for it. But, If you really want the wedding that you've planned, then go for it with Only 100 % TEAM SMITH by your side!