Most of you ladies know my issues with my in-laws so the saga continues. After Thanksgiving when my FI went home like a week ago he goes to his parent's place for dinner and he his mom brought up that when he came she told him to say "Hi and Happy Thanksgiving" to me and she was mad I didn't say it back. Today I told him to tell his mom "hi" because he ws going to dinner and she says why should she say hi when at Thanksgiving I didn't say hi back (They are Belgian they don't even celebrate Thanksgiving). She then goes on to say she won't be controlled by a 22 year old.
Soooo....I am going to Belgium on December 26th and I have to see my in-laws at some point. So besides school one reason I haven't posted here so much as in the past is because I have been extremly depressed. It took me a while to get an appointment with an a phychologist and I finally got one. It was an eye opening experience because she really helped me come down to why I was depressed and a good amount was my in-laws. I get depressed when I can't be in control and I am unable to control the situation with my in-laws, I can't control if they like me or not no matter how hard I try and the problems they have with me have nothing to do with me.,
When I see them in a couple weeks I have decided what I am going to say. I am going to bring along an object to be the "speaking" object so whoever is holding it is the only one allowed to talk because they always cut me off when I am trying to speak. I then have worked through a whole speech...
I am here to discuss the issues we have been having between us. I personally think that maybe I was sprung on you so fast and it was too much at one time. I also think we all are dealing with the cultural differences between us.
With all the problems we have had we have all said hurtful things that we may or may not feel. This issue has followed me for months until I became very depressed. I was in a state where I would go to school and do what I had to do before coming home and sleeping. I slept to calm my thoughts and to put me in a place where I didn't have to think. When I had to be awake I calmed my thoughts with food and dispite trying to lose weight I gained over 25 pounds.
With my depression getting far I decided that I should see a doctor and I was able to get an appt. It was quite an experience because I was able to see what bothered me so much with the situation. I get upset and depressed when I can't control a situation and in turn even your feelings towards me. I have always felt like I was a good and likeable person and I have always been liked by everyone I came across and I didn't know how to handle coming across persons so didn't like me. The doctor was able to help me see that I can't control every situation and the feelings of everyone around me.
I think you had too much Janae too fast and I 100% willing to back off. I love your son and I want nothing more to be with him no matter what situation we end up in. I love him for his personality, his smile, his eyes, his laughter and his love and that leaves no room for his money which I don't love him for and I have decided this is my last time convincing you that I don't want him for his money. It is expensive for me to constantly come to Europe to be with him and I can 100% tell you if I wanted someone for money I can find a rich man right in the United States and I wouldn't go across the world to do so.
With backing off I will no longer come to your home with Olivier unless I am personally invited. I also don't want to come around in case an angry situation happens because from the past we all know that when there are high tempers people often end up saying hurtful things.
I would love to be apart of your family and at the moment you may not exactly want me to be apart of it and I understand. I will keep my distance and I hope at some point we can be close, but if not I will always show you my love towards you because I am not a hateful person.
"Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours"
Janae & Olivier
