meeting my brother for the first time....

gnc0988

So I have a brother who lives out in Cali that none of me or my siblings have ever met. A couple of years ago my other brother found him on FB and we have been chatting there. He has talked on the phone with my sister a few times and told her how he really want to ask my dad what happened and all that. We told him that he may never get the answers he is looking for, it was a long time ago and a lot was involved, and dad is kinda private about those things.

Anyway, he was really excited for the wedding and wanted to come, but i had to tell him that I didnt want to spring him on dad after they have spoke in 25 years on my wedding day, and that i hope he can get in contact with dad so they can talk, be cool and he can come.  I wouldnt give him dads number, but told him he is listed on whitepages. Long story short, my sister told my dad we have all talked and that my brother wants to call him. Dad was cool with it and said that my brothers mom had emailed him saying how he wanted to come to the wedding. So basically, his mom had contact info for my pops, but never gave it to him??

They finally talked, played sme catch up and what not, and dad asked me if I wanted him to come to the wedding. Of course I do. When i asked brother how their convo went he said that he didnt really get to clear the air with him, it was just small talk. I think im going to send him a message and tell him to keep calling dad and get to know each other, and dont hold out for answers...he may never get them, but it doesnt even matter now because we are all finally together.

I am so excited to meet him for the first time, and at of all places, my wedding! I really hope him and my dad can form a relationship these next couple of months and no one feels akward at the wedding. I hope my brother doesnt have any hard feelings for my dad, and doesnt feel any kind of way if he kinds out some truths about his mother that he didnt know or want to know. knowing that she had contact info for my dad really bugs me...why didnt she give it to my brother sooner? oh well... I just dont think any of it even matters anymore.

rmasoka

Awww exciting. That's special. Hope it goes well

Doingitoutside2013

My 45 yr old husband just met his brother over Thanksgiving. They had talked and emailed back and forth a few months prior, and as brothers they clicked right away. However, my FIL would never be available to meet until that weekend. For some men, it is really hard to accept your failures and shortcomings. His mom knew how to get in touch with us (grandparents, family friends, old town neighborhood folks, church family etc...) but my FIL also had an obligation to find and maintain a relationship with his child. Anyway, don't let it stress you out either way. Sometimes it is easier for them to connect with the siblings and then build the parental relationship from there. Will youI be able to meet your brother the day before.? i am sure you will be anxious enough about the wedding itself. Perhaps if you can get the reunion under wraps- that additional stress will be out of the way. If not, i am sure your wedding will be beautiful and everything will work out just fine. (Btw- my husband also just found out he has another brother he has not met. I jokingly told him he went from the older child to the middle child in a matter of minutes.) Oh and yes, even after 25 years the answers matter to your brother. I am sure he recognizes your wedding is not the place to seek them AND he may never ask out of fear of further rejection, but it is natural for the answers to matter.

gnc0988

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_meeting-my-brother-for-the-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:a62e7647-0841-4215-a6e9-e3b18ce9b1f9Post:61a3fd46-abf7-4115-91e7-6c2a16b17c69">Re: meeting my brother for the first time....</a>:
[QUOTE]My 45 yr old husband just met his brother over Thanksgiving. They had talked and emailed back and forth a few months prior, and as brothers they clicked right away. However, my FIL would never be available to meet until that weekend. For some men, it is really hard to accept your failures and shortcomings. His mom knew how to get in touch with us (grandparents, family friends, old town neighborhood folks, church family etc...) but my FIL also had an obligation to find and maintain a relationship with his child. Anyway, don't let it stress you out either way. Sometimes it is easier for them to connect with the siblings and then build the parental relationship from there. Will youI be able to meet your brother the day before.? i am sure you will be anxious enough about the wedding itself. Perhaps if you can get the reunion under wraps- that additional stress will be out of the way. If not, i am sure your wedding will be beautiful and everything will work out just fine. (Btw- my husband also just found out he has another brother he has not met. I jokingly told him he went from the older child to the middle child in a matter of minutes.) Oh and yes, even after 25 years the answers matter to your brother. I am sure he recognizes your wedding is not the place to seek them AND he may never ask out of fear of further rejection, but it is natural for the answers to matter.
Posted by Doingitoutside2013[/QUOTE]


depending on what day he gets there id like to meet him before the wedding. its going to suck because we will be so busy we wont get to spend much time together. I trust that he knows that the wedding isnt the proper place to get his answers. I really hope him and my dad can build a wonderful relationship. Dad seems really excited but nervous

footballwife77

This is AWESOME!!!! My dad wasn't around all that often and I met my brother for the second time about 3 or 4 years ago now. The first time I met him I was maybe 8 and my dad stopped by with some lady and a baby. I was 8- I didn't care- I wanted to get back to rollerskating. I was pretty much an only child for 30+  years.  (Funny story, my husband actually played football with him every week when we didn't know who my brother was. )

Congrats on your new brother!


The day we met:


The wedding day:



Creating a relationship:

CreoleBride30

AWWW! I'm feeling the love! Congrats to all of you getting to gaining and getting to know your brother/brother in law!

Cha

Doingitoutside2013

I am glad your dad is excited. That is awesome. My new found brother in law was getting cold feet and so I called him before he headed into town. I basically told him that whatever is said or not said between he and his father is between them.. But WE are all family regardless. We have issues, we argue, we fuss, but we love and laugh hard. I told him that he is always welcome and that we missed him and are glad that we are getting to know him. During the day I could see them chatting at the table here and there. Throughout the visit, he just kept giving me a big hug for supporting him and making him feel welcome and comfortable. We also presented him with a little "welcome home" cake and a framed family photo we all took one year at grandmothers house. We also took a new group photo that day. I think the fact that your family is open to developing a relationship with him is a great start. It will all work out in time. If it makes you feel better, assign a close relative to kind of keep watch during the wedding day. ( i had to do the same for one of my husbands exes who i felt obligated to invite.) but again he is your brother and most likely has the same sensibility as the rest of your family. So I am sure your day will be beautiful and full of awesome memories.

Doingitoutside2013

@footballwife77 - did you become an instant aunt? I told my brother in law he aged me instantly as I am now a great-auntie. I can't wait to meet them all this summer.

footballwife77

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_meeting-my-brother-for-the-first-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:a62e7647-0841-4215-a6e9-e3b18ce9b1f9Post:91c741b0-1407-488e-b331-38ade9fb7c23">Re: meeting my brother for the first time....</a>:
[QUOTE]@footballwife77 - did you become an instant aunt? I told my brother in law he aged me instantly as I am now a great-auntie. :) I can't wait to meet them all this summer.
Posted by Doingitoutside2013[/QUOTE]

LOL! Nope :( he doesn't have any kids but he became an instant uncle because of my boy.

Congrats auntie! Hope all goes well with the meet up!

Doingitoutside2013

That's great. It's nice for the kids to growi up knowing family.