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A few checks today, and one question!

Since changing our theme and everything, I've had a few crazy long emails to some of our vendors trying to change everything but needed to meet with at least the florist and our cake baker to change the designs. I did both of those this afternoon, so that was pretty fun! It was my first big WR thing in awhile.

The florist meeting was a relief after not hearing back from him in awhile. It made me feel good to get all of that squared away :) Anyway, I pretty much have no idea what our bouquets or centerpieces will be. I told him a few basics (a range of bright red flowers, with white accents for both) and decided just to leave it up to him. I am usually a major control freak, so this will be good for me. And, besides, I don't really care. I just want pretty red flowers. We'll see what he comes up with! He also has a really pretty Tiffany blue taffeta tablecloth that we're going to use for the guest tables and other table linens, a blue/silver fleur de lis tablecloth for the cake table, and a red satin fabric for the popcorn/snocone tables at the wedding itself. He's also going to make red chair pad covers for the reception chairs, and 10 envelope style covers for the wedding chairs (to basically line the "aisle"). That said, all of these linens will only happen if they fit into my new budget, otherwise I will go with one of the local vendors I've found. I'll find out soon! I'm excited to have this stuff mostly nailed down AND to realize that he costs the same for chairs as the local vendors once you factor in delivery so I can stop trying to deal with a billion chair vendors. That was ruining me since no one carries the right chairs for both, and it was exhausting.

Anyway, after that, I went over and met with the cake baker and sketched out the new cake and got it all written down in her computer! That was really fun for me because I had all of these pictures of cakes that I was cobbling together into one cake and it was hard to really know what anything would look like when it was all combined but her sketch is awesome and I totally love it! Plus, she gave me a piece of cake for my fiance, who begged me to get him some cake, so that was nice :)

On to the question. Rehearsal dinners and alcohol. What are you doing about it if you're doing the whole restaurant thing? I'm trying really hard not to turn the RD into a mini wedding because we are likely to have a lot of OOT guests. So, it's going to be at either Tutta Bella or Miposto (i.e. fancy'ish pizza joints). We're ordering a bunch of food ahead of time so it's all a set menu, but I can't figure out what to do about alcohol. I want people to be able to have a drink but my family has proven in the past that they will consider any event hosted by me as an opportunity to drink a ton of my dime (seriously, we had a $250 bar tab at a 1 pm baby party!!), and I just plain do not want to spend hundreds of dollars on alcohol for the RD.

I was thinking about perhaps ordering two bottles of wine per table (one red, one white) but are two bottles of wine enough for tables of 10? They also have cocktails so maybe I could offer a signature cocktail at some point during dinner and just have that be the only alcoholic beverage offered? (I was thinking of this cocktail or something like it since it would be light and summery: "Our version of the Italian Bellini, Prosecco and our seasonal gelato.)Would you, as a guest, rather have wine or a cocktail?

Unfortunately, I am afraid that my family will STILL try to order drinks off the menu. I don't want to make guests pay for their own alcohol, but don't want to host a full bar for 30-50 people, either. We solved this problem at the wedding by deciding to go with beer/wine/two signature cocktails and that's simple enough since that's the only alcohol available but at a restaurant my family can still order other stuff and then it will become an issue as to who pays for it.

And, no, talking to them ahead of time won't work. I specifically talked to my mom about my fears that we'd get stuck with a big bar tab at the baby party and she ordered like 5 drinks between her and my stepdad anyway. Argh.

Re: A few checks today, and one question!

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    edited December 2011
    Wow, that was long! Eek.

    At any rate, this is our new cake sketch!


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    edited December 2011
    Well, I would say you win the award for the longest post I've ever seen, but I've noticed the new layout tends to make most any normal post look really doggone long! Tongue out

    That's great you are able to have the florist take care of the chairs, linens, and flowers.  As you said, one less vendor to deal with = less stress (IMO). 

    As for the RD, personally, with pizza I would want beer, but that's just me. Laughing  Sadly the only way to get the RD guests to NOT order expensive drinks is to not offer it, but of course, what are you (and the waitstaff) going to do if one of them asks "Don't you have a full bar?" and then orders a Long Island?  So to avoid the whole situation (short of not having it at a restaurant - which is a possibility if the guest count is within reason and you have helpers) would be to have it at a restaurant that only serves wine and beer. 

    I would say to account 1 bottle for every 3 people so at each table of 10 I would have at least 3 bottles, or if you plan on having a red and a white option, 2 of each at each table.  Then more can be brought out if needed and if you want to have a "selection" of sorts I would ask the restaurant if they can print out a special menu for your RD or make ones yourself. 

    I would also suggest not having the signature cocktail because if they see there's a cocktail being offered then CLEARLY the restaurant has a full bar with hard a.  JMO.
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    edited December 2011
    Wow, that is a lot of stuff done with the change in wedding decor it was definately needed.

    I think that the tiffany blue table cloths will be beautiful but think that the cushion covers aren't needed. the cake drawing looks beautiful! Linens are so expensive so to keep costs down I would defiantely look for them elsewhere, I've heard that florists tend to charge way too much for them. Also, I picture your girls having tiffany blue dresses with a bouquet full of bright red dahlias. :) And red shoes!

    On to the rehearsal dinner.... I think that you should do the 2 bottles per table and tell the restaurant that you are only paying for those two bottles and anything else that they order, they must pay themselves. You don't have to say anything to them, the wait staff can do that for you. Also, if you are having a ton of OOT guests, why not host a backyard shindig at your new place?? Then you can just buy 3 buck chuck and you don't have to worry about anything else. I don't know why but I really don't see the need to invite all the OOT guests because it will be like a mini wedding like you said. A lot of people will probably disagree but I think the rehearsal dinner should just be for those that are IN the wedding party and your parents, maybe your aunts and uncles and definately your grandparents. If there are people staying with those family members that are from OOT they should be invited. (I'm sure people will hate my response to that!)

    Mine turned out long too!
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    edited December 2011
    Sara - glad you mentioned who all the invite to the RD. I'm on the fence with that, mostly because of my mom's 4 friends-of-the-family-from-South-Carolina THAT I'VE NEVER MET! (yes, still annoyed with that.  Can you tell?)
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    carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
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    edited December 2011
    I think it's considered a nice thing to do to invite oot-ers to the RD, but it's not required.

    Love the cake design Jody - it's really cool!

    I know what you mean about wanting the RD to not be the wedding.  Our welcome dinner will have the same folks in attendance as our reception dinner, so we're going super casual and having at a pub (we're expecting the bar tab to meet or exceed the food tab), so that it's a totally different atmosphere than the more fancy restaurant where we're doing the reception.

    As for the alcohol at a restaurant, that's a hard thing to think about.  Our reception is at a restaurant, and we're thinking about either just paying for beer and wine, and maybe a signature cocktail.  For your situation, I'd pay for beer and wine, and ppl are on their own if they order more.  Make that clear to the waitstaff, and they can tell it to anyone ordering more.  I've been to work-related Christmas parties like this, and the staff is usually pretty discrete.  Then ppl can make their own call.
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    edited December 2011
    tygirl- well, even if they are oot, you shouldn't invite those random people you don't know. i'm gonna come to your wedding, your mom just called and invited me! :)

    i agree with carrie about inviting ooters, it is just nice of you, not required.

    like i said, only offer what you are offering and tell the restaurant and the waitstaff that you aren't paying for any more than that. people will understand. if people wanna drink something else, they'll pay for it.
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    edited December 2011

    There are 7 of us just with our family, and then we have 10 people in the wedding party (other than my kids, who obviously count as the first 7!), and by the time we get to my parents (3), one grandparent, and his parents/siblings (ALL OOT'ers who we'd absolutely want to come since he never sees them), we're at 29. And that's not allowing dates for the wedding party, which I kind of hate. Plus, one of his best friends and her boyfriend are flying in from DC and they should definitely be invited. And then her sister/boyfriend are local and he will want them to come AND she is the ceremony musician anyway so I think she gets to be invited regardless. Oy. I think that we'll end up with about 33 people and that will literally be holding my fiance back from inviting any more to this darn thing because he loooooves to host and entertain and invite everyone he's ever known to everything (I had to start quoting him per person costs including things like invites and stuff to get him to stop trying to expand the guest list to literally friends he hasn't talked to in 15 years... WHAT?!).

    I think that we might try the wine and beer option... we can get a pitcher of beer and a few bottles of wine, and then let them order soft drinks. How many pitchers of beer or bottles of wine would you do for each table? I hate beer and wine, so I have no clue what's normal. Stupid alcohol! Well, except cocktails, which are love ;)

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    edited December 2011
    Oh, and we don't have a deck or patio or anything, and our house isn't really large enough for 30 people to be milling around... I think a backyard BBQ would be really fun, but we need a deck or something and a BBQ and some patio furniture first and that would cost a lot more than some pizzas :)
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    edited December 2011
    OMG my eyes hurt from all this reading, sorry if someone already wrote this. What we are doing is limiting the bar to house selections, so house red, house white, and well drinks. Sort of a full bar, but they can't order top shelf ;)
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    edited December 2011

    Lol, Sara!  I'd be fine with you and your FI coming - at least I know you!! Tongue out

    Jody - not to make it more complicated, but if you want to do the siggy drink, then do as Carrie suggested, but I would also speak with the manager, etc of the restaurant to make sure they've done such things before and kind of get a feel about how they go about telling people they are paying for ordering off the menu, if that makes sense? 

    Honestly, I wouldn't pre-order a pitcher of beer in the chance you end up with a pitcher at table where only 1 person drinks beer (beer sitting out = warm beer = gross) so I would leave that to the discrection of the waiter.  So to start I would do 2 bottles of white and 2 of red at each table (and the house wine as PP mentioned). 

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    koosh ballkoosh ball member
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    edited December 2011
    It is my husbands fault your bar tab was so high for the baby thing. :)
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    edited December 2011
    Then he definitely isn't invited to the RD :P

    Sigh. Robert was all excited about pitchers of beer, but you have a compelling point regarding warm beer. I emailed the manager to see what they usually do, so we'll see if she has any great ideas.

    On the plus side, it was fun picking out salads and pizza and gelato for everyone to eat! They suggested 3 salads and 5 pizzas per table since the pizzas really only feed about 2 people each, so that's fun. Yum!
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    carrieoz_76carrieoz_76 member
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    edited December 2011
    Jody - I agree that you can't order a big amount of beer for a group (like pitchers for the table). Unless you're at Farrelli's and you get the Beer Tower.  ;)  If you do beer, I'd recommend just limiting the number of glasses per person, instead (I'd recommend 2). I agree that 4 bottles of wine per table should be fine.
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    edited December 2011
    i agree 4 bottles of wine would be fine too. also, you could let them order a couple of pitchers of beer themselves and just tell the waitstaff to limit it to 2 pitchers per table. They will be WAY more drunk.
    BabyFruit Ticker BabyFetus Ticker we're having twins!
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    edited December 2011
    Yum - FI and I totally <3 pizza! It's why we both gained over 5+ pounds in our first few months of dating! :D  I think PP and you have it all under control. Just limit to beer, wine and soda.

    As an alternate idea - you could reserve a picnic shelter at a park and then you wouldn't have to worry about the size of your yard! They have those little metal BBQs and picnic tables and stuff. However, that might be more hassle than it's worth since you'd have to haul your own tableware, etc. You could cater that (maybe Famous Dave's) and another plus considering your family: no alcohol at a park. ;)
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