African American Weddings


Hi Pasma,
Please check my post on bilingual invites . Desperately need some advice/ suggestions.

Re: Mypasmita

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    edited December 2011
    Sorry I missed it. Not sure whether to answer here or there... Anyways, let me start by saying that my answers will be very bitter and it has nothing to do with you but I am dealing with a lot of crap with our people so I am kind of pissed right now. So here we go:

    I saw on your blog that your wedding reception is ending at midnight. How come?
    I answered this on the blog. But it was either the reception site I wanted (which doesn't do parties African style. LOL) or find another place that would let me do the party until the wee hours of the morning. I went with the 1st option.
    What did our people think about that?
    I am over what people are saying at this point. Unless someone hands me a check right now, i don't give a F about what they have to say. People are telling me I need to do it like a real African. Why do i want to be so American or so white or whatever. Like I said, I am over it. It was more important for me to have it in my venue and have the feel I want. Too bad some Africans I know don't do sexy and classy.
    Are you specifying that on the invites or the DJ will just stop the music at midnight?
     No I am not specifying the end time on my invites. The DJ will stop the music at midnight and everyone will be kicked out. Since when do we have to specify on wedding invites when the reception ends just because some idiot who just wants to complain will stroll in 3 hours after the whole thing started miss all the important things but just wanting to find some girl and get wasted and dance till 5 AM. (like I said, I am bitter.)  Have you ever seen that with anyone else? Just us right?
    I am however specifying an end time to the African celebration the day before. I will share my invites once they are all out.
    Are you having an evening reception? I want to have a party that ends at midnight but FI is more worried about people complaining that they did not have enough time to dance but also rushing through all the different activities (dinner, cake cutting, dancing, etc). We have a hard time figuring what length time is a decent one
    Yes I am the cocktail hour starts at 7 PM and the dinner is at 8 PM. I am working on the timeline now and I feel like there is not enough dancing time after all the stuffs (toast, special dances, cake cutting, etc) So I feel a little sad about that. But like I said on the blog. They can go out for an after party, or maybe I will organize one. Who knows?
    What are you you doing with you OOT guests? are they fine with paying one night at the hotel or are they complaining?
    I have hotel blocks in 2 hotels (one being the reception place) We have family coming from all over and some are staying for a month (grandmas, his mom, etc) and they can't stay in hotels for that long. So I am housing many people and I am grateful I have many friends who are opening their homes for us. But I am loosing my hair over this issue and Fi thinks I can just find a place for everyone, which is so not happening . My place is not big and I am running out of friend's places. LOL.
    We have people who are more than capable of getting the freakin' hotel room for 2 days but of course they don't want to and they piss me off. But I am not worrying about them at this point!
    Would you mind shraing your timeline with me so that I can have a  better idea and see how you worked things though?
    Still working on it. I will share it with you as soon as I am done!

    Like I said. I am bitter. Sorry for the gloomy answers! I.AM.VERY.BITTER.OVER.MY.CAMEROONIAN.COMMUNITY (I am part of an association) and I am sick of their complaints for the sake of complaining. So guess what? I am not inviting them. Only 3 couples I actually hang out with very often.
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    gatineaubridegatineaubride member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi Pasma,
    Yes you are definitely bitter! I totally hear you as I am on the verge of becoming just like you and not give a Sh... about what people say about my wedding. It's funny cause last Friday I was at the hairdresser and was having the conversation with you sister in law and she told me from her personal experience that once you start caring about our community, you loose your mind. She told me that there are people that now have attitude and would barely talk to them because they were not invited so she told me to be prepared to live  with it. Personally, I don't care about people since they are not paying for my wedding. Usually, they say that I behave like a white person and I can get away with it because they think I behave like that because I was born and raised here in Canada. Anyways! FI on the other hand cannot differentiate friends from acquaitances!!!  He is the one that cares more about the community gossiping. For the hotel, he is not sure how people would react to it but at the same time, I have no intention of renting a house for them. More important guests will stay at my Parents'. What pisses me off is that money is not even an issue for most of them but they have to make your life difficult, that' all!
    I am not sure about asking some friends as I feel like having people over is maintenance and I don't want my friends to have to go through. Also some people don' always have proper manners and I worry about the consequences of their actions on my friendship with these people. I guess you will be choosing carefully the people that would be staying with you friends so that there is no drama!
    Do the people from abroad all give a definite answer as to whether or not they are coming? I guess you need to give sufficient time notice to your friends that will have them at their house.
    Your whole nightmare will be over in a few weeks. Well, I hope the last few weeks will go smoothly. I am sending you positive knotties vibes.
    PS: out of curiostiy, how did you end up solving the girl ringbearer issue? Also did everybody get their visa? This is another stress for us because Canadian visas are difficult to get.
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    edited December 2011
    My SIL is right. The wedding hasn't happened yet, but I am already having all kinds of issue. People who are upset because they are not invited (how would they know? The invites haven't gone out!) and many have decide not to talk to me anymore and you know what? I am ok with it. It's not like we really talked before. I tried so hard to please everyone but I realize some people will complain just for the sake of it. There is absolutely no way I am inviting someone (and paying all that money) just to feed their curiosity, or to give them something to gossip about, or so that they have something else to criticize me over. 

    Do the people from abroad all give a definite answer as to whether or not they are coming?
     I guess them getting the visa will determine who will be coming and those buying the plane tickets will definitely help me know for sure.

    Your whole nightmare will be over in a few weeks. Not soon enough. LOL

    Well, I hope the last few weeks will go smoothly. I am sending you positive knotties vibes
    Thank you!

    PS: out of curiostiy, how did you end up solving the girl ringbearer issue?
    I didn't. I just let FI have his way. Like I said, I wasn't really opposed to the idea. I just don't like unnecessary last minute changes. I will see the little girl's parents this weekend and I will mention it to them.

    Also did everybody get their visa?US visas are a pain! That's the best way to put it. Sometimes, there doesn't seem to be logic behind their decision. Case point FI's family members went last week for the interview, including his mom and step mom. One didn't get it. And I am not getting a clear explanation. Tomorrow, my grandma, sister and uncle are going. Please pray they get it!

    Who are you having coming from abroad?
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    gatineaubridegatineaubride member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well Pasma,
    I will definitely keep you in my prayers so that your grandma, uncle and sister get their visa as well. Just like you , I have uncles and aunts coming from Africa and other people  from Europe as well. We have some distant relatives that said they are coming as well but we don't believe this is going to happen. That is what pisses me off the most is that some people know they won't be able to come but they keep promising us they will therefore waisting our time. On the other hand, my parents will be writing also letters to some members and I will be doing some the same as well. My mom is very concerned about all the people that supposedly said they were coming because some are trying to find a way to escape from Africa and mom doesn't want this to be trouble for us with the immigration office. We will make a selection and write letters to those that we trust and know for sure will go back after the wedding. For the rest,my mom said that she will come up with an excuse, LOL.
    Let me know when you get some news regarding your family's visa.
    Best of luck!
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