African American Weddings

Sort of MIA BM (Long Vent)

I recently e-mailed 6 out of my 7 BM's their budgets for the wedding. All 6 responded immediately that they were excited and loved the dress and budget. I could not send it to one BM because I did not have her email address, after receiving it, I then sent it to her 1st thing Mon morning. Now for a little background, the problem with this particular BM is that I originally did not want her in the wedding (she is the girlfriend/baby mama of FI's older brother) & I just did not feel as though she was close enough to me to be a part of my WP, and I explained this to FMIL. FMIL began to tell me that this particular BM's feelings would be hurt if she wasn't included. I told FMIL that I apologize and was firm in my decision. Lo and behold, I find out FMIL went behind my back and told her that she was a BM, so of course that put me in a awkward situation. After prayer and debating w/ FI about this for months, I decided that I didn't want the drama so we decided to just keep her in.
Anyway, I have not heard back from her (after she bugged me all Saturday). I sent her a message on FB letting her know it was sent so she is aware that it is there. I even sent a message that I needed to know if the price and dress were okay in order to confirm with the dress shop before I have my girls go get fitted in case I need to find another dress. I informed FI (since this is HIS ppl) about the situation. He told me to let her know again, and if she doesn't get back with me then keep it moving without her. As easy as this sounds, yes, I could definitely do this, but I don't know if I want to go the extra mile for her. Anyway opinions needed! Thanks for letting me vent.
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Re: Sort of MIA BM (Long Vent)

  • edited December 2011
    This actually may be your ticket out of this. I wouldn't contact her via FB, Email, etc. Keep moving forward with your plans. You're still a bit away from your wedding, but this girl has all the details. If she does not order her dress in time, that is on her. You provided the information. If she does not follow up and do what she needs to do, she will simply be a guest.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sort-of-mia-bm-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:ab6ad30d-0b39-4ed8-9e70-4cceeb386b7aPost:c03d20a6-3bc0-4556-84b7-e6e0100dbc95">Re: Sort of MIA BM (Long Vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]This actually may be your ticket out of this. I wouldn't contact her via FB, Email, etc. Keep moving forward with your plans. You're still a bit away from your wedding, but this girl has all the details. If she does not order her dress in time, that is on her. You provided the information. If she does not follow up and do what she needs to do, she will simply be a guest.
    Posted by 2010Bride2be[/QUOTE]

    <div> Second!</div>
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sort-of-mia-bm-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:ab6ad30d-0b39-4ed8-9e70-4cceeb386b7aPost:c03d20a6-3bc0-4556-84b7-e6e0100dbc95">Re: Sort of MIA BM (Long Vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]This actually may be your ticket out of this. I wouldn't contact her via FB, Email, etc. Keep moving forward with your plans. You're still a bit away from your wedding, but this girl has all the details. If she does not order her dress in time, that is on her. You provided the information. If she does not follow up and do what she needs to do, she will simply be a guest.
    Posted by 2010Bride2be[/QUOTE]

    <div>Very well stated!</div>
  • edited December 2011
    Totally agree.  Keep it moving and hope this chick don't respond.  This is your blessing is disguise. LOL   I can't believe the nerve of your FMIL WOW!
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  • edited December 2011
    Wow, she actually has made this so easy on you. She's a guest! Call that shop ASAP!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sort-of-mia-bm-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:ab6ad30d-0b39-4ed8-9e70-4cceeb386b7aPost:c03d20a6-3bc0-4556-84b7-e6e0100dbc95">Re: Sort of MIA BM (Long Vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]This actually may be your ticket out of this. I wouldn't contact her via FB, Email, etc. Keep moving forward with your plans. You're still a bit away from your wedding, but this girl has all the details. If she does not order her dress in time, that is on her. You provided the information. If she does not follow up and do what she needs to do, she will simply be a guest.
    Posted by 2010Bride2be[/QUOTE]

    I agree she is a guest no reminders and if she does come around then say u have made ample efforts and her non response meant she was not interested K.I.M.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sort-of-mia-bm-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:ab6ad30d-0b39-4ed8-9e70-4cceeb386b7aPost:c03d20a6-3bc0-4556-84b7-e6e0100dbc95">Re: Sort of MIA BM (Long Vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]This actually may be your ticket out of this. I wouldn't contact her via FB, Email, etc. Keep moving forward with your plans. You're still a bit away from your wedding, but this girl has all the details. If she does not order her dress in time, that is on her. You provided the information. If she does not follow up and do what she needs to do, she will simply be a guest.
    Posted by 2010Bride2be[/QUOTE]

    <font color="#339966"><strong>EXACTLY!!  </strong></font>
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh thank you! Thank you Thank you! You guys are saying exactly what I was thinking and feeling. I thought maybe I was overreacting and being selfish, but clearly you guys have made me feel better.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sort-of-mia-bm-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:ab6ad30d-0b39-4ed8-9e70-4cceeb386b7aPost:daf73c3d-1bb2-4b6f-8f5e-42bc42db0d40">Re: Sort of MIA BM (Long Vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Totally agree.  Keep it moving and hope this chick don't respond.  This is your blessing is disguise. LOL   I can't believe the nerve of your FMIL WOW!
    Posted by djscat[/QUOTE]

    Yes! My FMIL was very wrong. You have no idea how I felt the day she asked me, so have you found "our" dresses. I'm thinking to myself "our" dresses! What do you mean?... I did not ask you to be a BM. I told FI about it, he really didnt understand why I felt the way I did which kind of left me feeling alone. I did agree to not cause drama that I would include her, and that I am going to let her sink herself. I'm kind of hoping that I don't hear from her.
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  • FabbiegirlFabbiegirl member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_sort-of-mia-bm-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:ab6ad30d-0b39-4ed8-9e70-4cceeb386b7aPost:c03d20a6-3bc0-4556-84b7-e6e0100dbc95">Re: Sort of MIA BM (Long Vent)</a>:
    [QUOTE]This actually may be your ticket out of this. I wouldn't contact her via FB, Email, etc. Keep moving forward with your plans. You're still a bit away from your wedding, but this girl has all the details. If she does not order her dress in time, that is on her. You provided the information. If she does not follow up and do what she needs to do, she will simply be a guest.
    Posted by 2010Bride2be[/QUOTE]


    This!
  • edited December 2011
    Yep all that they said
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  • edited December 2011
    I say keep it moving. You have done your part and she can not respond. She has made it easier for you. If she wants to cause any problems in the future of her not being part of the WP, you can plainly state to her that her response was never given.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with PP... the ball's in her court right now and if she doesn't respond, too bad so sad, she had her chance! Its not fair you're putting your plans on hold for someone you didn't want in your BP anyway
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  • edited December 2011
    YEP I agree with everyone..Keep it moving. Can't believe FMIL just made her a BM.
  • edited December 2011
    UPDATE: Thanks ladies for making me feel so much better. I just keep thinking about how all of my other BM's responded to me almost ASAP, and how I did not have to go out of my way and ask them if they'd checked their inbox. Once I texted them that the message was in their inbox, they all took it on their own to check it, and for those that couldn't check it right away, they did let me know that it was received and will look at it all the details later (even they got back with me the same day). To make me feel better,  I even went in my sent box to be clear about what I'd sent to her and clearly in the body I mentioned that I needed to know in order to confirm with the dress shop because there is a slight chance that this dress may be discontinued. After prayer and constant assurance from all of you and close friends, I am just going to keep it moving without her. I have already given the store the list of BM's that responded to me.  If she asks me later on, I am just going to tell her that I sent the email out and everyone responded immediately, so I had to go with the responses that were given to me.
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