Marriage Counseling

prettymami2

Ladies I have about 8 months and some change before my actual wedding date. Have you all started your marriage counseling as of yet? And if so have you learned alot of things about your partner to date, the good, the bad and the ugly?

wheatney22

We started ours in May (11-months from our wedding date) cause our Church has a pretty extensive program. We have to do two 10-week courses and they only offer then at certain times of the year. So we took the first 10-week course in May and then the second one started last week Monday.
I don't think it is too early for you to start doing your marriage counseling.

As for the good, it has DEFINITELY given us a lot of things to talk about and I think its great because we are talking more about what we want in our marriage and how we plan on making adjustments when we hit a speed bump.

The bad? Well, not bad but uncomfortable. We've had to talk about finances (required to pull and read each other's credit report), raising our future kids (we are from 2 different cultures) and how to deal with holidays (I want to go to MA for Christmas since we live in MD and by default, will see his folks more...but oh well...compromise (or as the class puts it "finding a middle ground) is the name of the game).

The ugly? So far, nothing. I think its mostly positives and has helped build our relationship.

msapril0730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_marriage-counseling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:b718f1fe-bb53-4775-8c9d-a585a449456fPost:fcbb2177-df37-4be1-9ce9-2432edb07751">Re: Marriage Counseling</a>:
[QUOTE]We started ours in May (11-months from our wedding date) cause our Church has a pretty extensive program. We have to do two 10-week courses and they only offer then at certain times of the year. So we took the first 10-week course in May and then the second one started last week Monday. I don't think it is too early for you to start doing your marriage counseling. As for the good, it has DEFINITELY given us a lot of things to talk about and I think its great because we are talking more about what we want in our marriage and how we plan on making adjustments when we hit a speed bump. The bad? Well, not bad but uncomfortable. We've had to talk about finances (required to pull and read each other's credit report), raising our future kids (we are from 2 different cultures) and how to deal with holidays (I want to go to MA for Christmas since we live in MD and by default, will see his folks more...but oh well...compromise (or as the class puts it "finding a middle ground) is the name of the game). The ugly? So far, nothing. I think its mostly positives and has helped build our relationship.
Posted by wheatney22[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this! We started our counseling last month, the pastor picked the start date. It has been a great learning experience, his pastor also gives us bible verses to read and we have to tell him how we can relate them to our marriage.

We actually have a session tonight, I can't wait!!!

ricia

We had out first session last week... just touching the surface.. Premarital counselling is vital... I am looking forward to it and hope we gain a deeper insight into each others lives and our future together..

eagles347

We started in August. In our two sessions we have addressed God's design for marriage, our roles as husband and wife, our soon-to-be blended family, past indiscretions, premarital sex, and finances. We have pulled credit reports and had some conversations go way deeper than ever before. I feel so blessed for this experience!

chayb87

We will be starting ours soon, I can't wait.

shesheduke

Since we wont be getting married at my church home or FI's church home we have not. I really hope whatever church we end up at has a class that we can take. If not I plan to find a therapist that specializes in premarital counseling. Hopefully we can do both the more we talk and discuss the better I am sure we will be. I hope it works out I really want to do it.

Question for you ladies is your session in private or group sessions? I think my FI will be less likely to share in a group.

ricia

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_marriage-counseling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:b718f1fe-bb53-4775-8c9d-a585a449456fPost:ca622794-a2d4-4681-8814-eff6c3915fd8">Re: Marriage Counseling</a>:
[QUOTE]Since we wont be getting married at my church home or FI's church home we have not. I really hope whatever church we end up at has a class that we can take. If not I plan to find a therapist that specializes in premarital counseling. Hopefully we can do both the more we talk and discuss the better I am sure we will be. I hope it works out I really want to do it. Question for you ladies is your session in private or group sessions? I think my FI will be less likely to share in a group.
Posted by shesheduke[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Yes the sessions are all private.. just us and the minister</div>

shesheduke

Wow that is great I have fngers crossed and praying that we end up with something that great.

chayb87

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_marriage-counseling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:b718f1fe-bb53-4775-8c9d-a585a449456fPost:ed7c1fde-5bc8-4db2-a0d5-837de37707ad">Re: Marriage Counseling</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow that is great I have fngers crossed and praying that we end up with something that great.
Posted by shesheduke[/QUOTE]

<div>Even though you're not getting married at your home churches, could you still have your pastor do your pre-marital counseling?</div>

shesheduke

I doubt it knowing "the system" I am looking to join a new church all together. They want to charge us $2k for 2 hours and re rehearsal no decorations plus I have to pay an additional $100 for my pastor to marry us. I have gone there my whole life and my family has been members for over 40 years they are being crazy and I think I have to find a new church home all together

chayb87

Aww that sucks, I know churches need money to operate, but members should have a discounted price, especially if you pay tithes.  I hope everything works out for you though.

prettymami2

Wow ladies thank you all for this insight because we are getting ready to start our sessions in the next month or so and I am so interested in seeing how this all pans out. My FI and I went to college together but again that was then and this is now. We have both grown so much since then and with us being from two different areas (DC and North Jersey) even though both being on the east coast we are totally different in our liking etc...but all the same as well lol.

I love my Boo but I can't wait to get these sessions going. I think I am going to learn alot. Also our sessions are one on one, just him and I.